


From Ice Planet to Hot Sex in Several (Not) Easy Steps

by Laura_trekkie



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-07
Updated: 2011-05-07
Packaged: 2017-10-19 03:04:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 57,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laura_trekkie/pseuds/Laura_trekkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A serious injury for John pushes Rodney's feelings to the fore.  Can he win John over?  Straight!John fic :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Ice Planet to Hot Sex in Several (Not) Easy Steps

**Author's Note:**

> This one is from 2006. It took me from March to November to get it done... I'm really not a fast writer. It's quite long at 113 pages, but still: eight months!
> 
> My first two fics were threesomes, so I thought I'd have a go at the more traditional twosome this time…if you can say anything about Rodney is traditional *g*. There is quite a bit of medical stuff in this, and I am so very _not_ medically-minded and am far too idle to look it up. So, if it's all terribly unlikely, I apologise. Feel free to tell me what I did wrong ;).
> 
> Also, a kind of warning. My natural inclination is to write in quickly changing multiple povs, but one of my betas rightly told me off for this. I've tried to iron out what I can, but there were some places- mostly in the more emotionally/sexually charged scenes- that I wanted both participants povs and couldn't think of any way to do that other than by using multiple scene breaks ( *~* ). Please let me know if that makes things difficult to follow. Any other con crit also welcomed.
> 
> Oh yeah, and I suck at titles.
> 
>  **Beta:** Many thanks go to Huntress, Laryn and Pennydreadful for partial betas/read throughs and Denise and Kally for the final overviews.
> 
>  **Spoilers:** another one from season one (nothing against Ronon, but it took ages for me to see later seasons due to the lack of tv scheduling and I didn't feel I could tackle his character until I knew it a bit better, so Ford lives on).
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Nothing but the idea is mine.

**From Ice Planet to Hot Sex in Several (Not) Easy Steps**

It was just going to be one of those days, Rodney thought to himself. Really, he should have known that as soon as he was forced to deal with Kavanagh’s latest idiocy on only two cups of coffee.

As if the mission being on a frozen wasteland of a planet wasn’t enough for him to deal with. No, the possible ZPM readings had to turn out to be some sort of mineral, which the geologists would have enjoyed studying, only the possibility of maybe extracting it was somewhat lessened by the hostile, spear-wielding natives.

And as if all that wasn’t enough, said hostile natives were not only very persistent, but also very accurate. And hostile. Had he mentioned hostile?

Which was how he came to be hiding in a very cold and alarmingly shallow cave, with John Sheppard bleeding from the thigh with a spear sticking out of it, and Teyla and Ford god knew where. And it was snowing. A lot.

Yes, one of those days; and Rodney wished he’d stayed in bed, or at least got a few more cups of coffee inside him.

*~*

 **Briefing Room earlier that morning**

Elizabeth arrived at the conference room a few minutes before the briefing was scheduled to start. She liked to arrive early and get her laptop set up to display the relevant mission files. She liked to present the right image- calm and collected, not flustered and rushing in as the meeting was scheduled to begin. Also, it gave her the chance to refresh her memory on any potential problems facing a mission. Especially when the mission was for John Sheppard’s team; that always gave her an extra frisson of worry because they were the team that found the biggest trouble the most frequently of all her recon teams.

Any further thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of John. He wandered in and drawled, “Elizabeth,” by way of greeting as he assumed his customary sprawl in the chair to her right.

“Good morning, John,” she greeted in turn. She looked at him with one corner of her mouth quirked slightly and one eyebrow raised. She was amused to see John start to squirm.

It got to be too much for John after a few moments. “Okay, what?” he asked.

“Oh, I was just wondering if I might expect to see next month's duty roster _before_ it gets to next month?”

“Ah, it’s nearly done, Elizabeth- hey, Rodney.” He interrupted himself to greet the man that dropped into the seat next to him and started setting up his own laptop. He turned back to Elizabeth and picked up where he'd left off, “It’s just that I’ve been really busy with all the missions and being the human light switch for the scientists, you know?”

Before Elizabeth got a chance to do more than raise the other brow and allow her smile to widen a little, Rodney snorted and said, “Is that the best you can do, Sheppard? You sound like a schoolboy. I wouldn’t be at all surprised to hear ‘the dog ate it’ as your next excuse.”

“Hey,” John said indignantly. “If you and yours didn’t keep expecting me to turn on every damn thing you find, maybe I’d have the chance to get some of my own work done.”

“Please,” Rodney fired back. “We only ask you to activate a small fraction of the things we actually _want_ you to turn on.”

Her two top advisors’ customary snarking amused Elizabeth. She was quite glad when Ford and Teyla walked in together, though; it stopped the bickering from getting out of hand, as it was often wont to do. There was a round of greetings and then Elizabeth said, “Shall we get the briefing started?” At the four nodding heads, she continued with, “Rodney?”

“P3X-769,” Rodney began, “is one of the gate addresses brought back by the Athosians on their last trading mission. As you can see, we’ve already sent a MALP through for a survey.” He tapped a key on his laptop and it brought up a view of their destination on the big screen.

The view on the screen showed a desolate plain of ice and snow with no features to break it up except for a few rocky outcroppings. The sky was a rather forbidding steel grey colour, or, more accurately, the clouds were as there was no actual sky visible through the heavy snow clouds.

“Nice place for a vacation,” John commented flippantly, smirking at Rodney’s glare.

“We should call it Snow World,” was Ford’s contribution.

“No naming things. I’ve told you that before, Ford,” John said in mock consternation.

Ford pulled a face that somehow managed to convey his utter disgust at the unfairness, while managing to be completely respectful to John’s rank. John just grinned.

“If we could maybe get back to the matter at hand?” Rodney groused, causing John’s grin to widen.

“By all means, Rodney. Carry on.” John waved a hand in a 'get on with it' fashion and Rodney’s scowl promised him retribution later on.

Elizabeth and Teyla exchanged a look of fond exasperation.

“ _As I was saying_ ,” Rodney said pointedly, “the MALP telemetry shows conditions that are hostile, but within human tolerance with the right equipment.”

“Do you know anything about this planet, Teyla?” Elizabeth asked.

“I do not, Doctor Weir,” Teyla replied. “It is not a planet that my people have traded with before, but I assume there is a good reason for us to venture to this planet and endure conditions such as these?” Teyla questioned.

“Yes, the MALP also picked up an unidentified energy reading. The strength could indicate a ZPM with an almost full charge.” Rodney’s eyes were bright and Elizabeth assumed he was thinking about what could be achieved with a ZPM even half charged.

“Can we take a jumper?” John questioned. “Those conditions look bad and a jumper would seriously reduce our exposure.” This was one mission John appeared perfectly happy to forego the usual Rodney baiting and take a jumper rather than making him hike. Elizabeth could see why as she again looked at the images of the frozen planet.

“There’s nothing in the readings to suggest any dampening or disrupting fields, and there’s clearly no problem with obstacles, so I’m inclined to suggest we take the jumper and spend as little time out in the elements as we can,” Rodney said.

Elizabeth looked at each person in turn and said, “Any questions?” When she received only head shakes, she continued with, “Very well, gather all the equipment you will need; you have a go.”

She got nods this time, as the team stood and filed out of the room; already discussing what extra gear they would need for the icy conditions.

Elizabeth gave a small sigh and mentally crossed her fingers that John’s team would come back in one piece this time. She gathered her own laptop and walked to her office, starting in on the pile of paper work she had waiting for her.

*~*

An hour later, Jumper One was fully stocked with all the cold weather gear they could need and the team was ready to go.

Elizabeth stood with John at the base of the ramp as Rodney, Teyla and Ford filed inside. “Be careful, John, that weather looked very hostile.”

“Elizabeth, we’ve loaded the jumper with everything we could possibly need for the conditions, and remember, I was stationed at McMurdo for a while before you all turned up at the outpost. We’ll be fine,” John replied.

Elizabeth thought ‘I hope those don’t turn out to be famous last words’, what she said was, “I know. You have a go, see you in the gateroom.”

Elizabeth turned and headed for the control room, while John went to the pilot’s chair and started the pre-flight checks. A few moments later he started the jumper and had it begin the descent from the bay to the gateroom.

The jumper descended facing the consoles and John met Elizabeth’s eyes briefly, then nodded and turned the ship to face the gate. Elizabeth had obviously given the order for the address to be dialled, as the destination symbols were already locking in and the wormhole shot open only a few seconds later.

Elizabeth’s customary, “ _Be safe_ ,” came over the radio as John directed the jumper through the shimmering blue puddle and out onto the barren ice fields of their destination.

“God, I feel cold just looking at it,” Rodney grumbled.

“And you call yourself a Canadian,” John teased.

Rodney scowled. “Yes, because, of course, the entirety of Canada is covered in ice and snow for the whole year. How silly of me to forget.” Rodney’s tone was scathing.

John smirked. “You are _so_ easy, McKay.”

Rodney shot John another scowl.

Teyla, apparently deciding it was wise to step in before things degenerated further, interrupted before Rodney could snap out a comeback. “I believe we are here to search for energy readings?”

Rodney scowled at her instead of John, but sounded a little defensive when he said, “Yes, thank you, Miss Stating-the-Obvious. I was just about to get the scanners going. We have only just got here you know.”

“My apologies,” Teyla said, sharing a small smile and roll of the eyes with Aiden, who sat in the seat next to hers.

Rodney huffed and turned back to his equipment, switching on the scanner and watching the information appear on the screen. A few moments later he got a fix on the readings. “Okay, the energy source is about three miles north east of here.” Not that he needed to bother speaking, as a combination of his and John’s genes meant that the information was instantly transmitted to John’s station.

“On it,” John replied as he angled the jumper in the right direction and started the short flight.

Ten minutes later John was setting the ship down on a flat bed of ice and snow. “Okay people, let's suit up and get this over with as soon as we can.”

They all moved to the rear of the craft and started pulling on the cold weather gear they’d stowed there. Each of them pulled on insulated over-trousers, a parka with thick fake fur lining the hood, goggles to prevent the glare from causing snow blindness, a scarf to protect their mouth and nose and also allow the frigid air to get just a little warmer before they breathed it in. They also carried their customary packs, nine mils and knives, plus John, Ford and Teyla strapped on a P-90 each. Completing the outfit were gloves thin enough to allow them to use their weapons and equipment, but insulated to keep out the cold.

Due to the scarves and the possibly windy conditions, it had been decided that they would switch their radios to an open frequency so that they could hear each other clearly. Rodney pulled out his portable scanner and John looked to each of them in turn, getting a nod of readiness. He opened the jumper hatch and they stepped out into the bright, barren landscape.

Rodney was instantly scanning, while Teyla and Ford surveyed their surroundings, weapons ready, as John shut the jumper hatch and activated the cloak. He looked up at the sky, noting that the clouds looked full, like they were fighting to hold all the snow inside.

Rodney waved the scanner around him slowly, eventually getting the signal and heading off in his usual hurry, not waiting for anyone to check ahead. His team were quite used to this by now and Teyla quickly moved to get a little ahead of Rodney, while John moved up beside him and Ford hung back to cover their six.

They walked for maybe five minutes before Rodney said, “That’s odd,” mostly to himself.

“What’s odd?” John wanted to know.

“The readings don’t seem to be narrowing. If this was a ZPM, the readings should become easier to pinpoint as we get closer, but these readings are still spread over a larger range without any sort of obvious concentration.”

“So, not a ZPM then?” John asked, feeling a little disappointed, but probably not as much as Rodney was.

“I would be very surprised if it was.”

They walked a little further on and reached an outcropping of black rock. The scanner made a beeping noise and Rodney stopped, holding it over the rock. He then huffed in annoyance. “That’s just great. The energy readings are coming from the rock. It must be some sort of mineral.”

“Perhaps we can take a sample back for the geologists to examine,” Teyla suggested.

“Yeah, Doc, maybe this stuff can be mined and turned into an energy source,” Aiden quickly added.

“Yes, thank you for your sterling suggestions, it never would have occurred to me otherwise,” Rodney retorted. No one could see his face, but the sneer was apparent nonetheless.

“Play nicely, Rodney,” John mock scolded, getting a huff in answer. He just knew that Rodney was scowling, Ford was rolling his eyes and grinning and that Teyla was doing her amused face- small smile and raised eyebrow.

Just at that moment, the clouds lost their battle and the snow started falling. There was no gentle build up either, no small flakes drifting gently down. No, these flakes came down in a dense mass, turning the air white, and the flakes were huge. John stuck out his hand to catch one and it easily covered his palm. He lifted it closer to his face and examined the intricate crystal pattern.

“Okay, that’s cool,” he said, then he shook his hand to dislodge the flake and went on with, “Lets wrap this up quickly, I can see this turning into a blizzard without too much effort.”

Rodney shucked off his pack and rummaged for a sample container and tools to get a piece of the rock. It wasn’t a difficult task and the sample and tools were packed away in only a few minutes. He got his pack back on and picked up the scanner. “Well, this was a colossal waste of time, we might as well head back to the jumper and- Wait.” He moved the scanner around again.

“What?” John asked, feeling a little apprehensive.

“I’m picking up multiple life signs heading our way,” he reported.

“Which way?” John asked.

Rodney pointed to the right. “I read a dozen life signs, about two hundred metres and closing.”

“Okay, let's go say hello, but stay alert; we don’t know how these people will react to strangers.”

The moved off, once again assuming their standard pattern of Teyla, John and Rodney, and Ford. The snow made visibility poor, but they could just make out the party as they approached- they all appeared to be men, judging by size, but it was difficult to tell, as they were all wrapped snugly in animal furs to combat the cold. All carried long spears as well. Presumably a hunting party.

The man in front must have spotted them because he came to a sudden halt and raised his arms out to the side, stopping the rest of the men. Teyla stopped also and John moved up to join her saying, “You’re up, Teyla.” He knew his diplomatic skills weren’t as good as Teyla’s so he was content to let her get into her usual spiel.

Teyla gave a nod and turned to face the natives, still a good 10 feet away. She began to walk towards them and spoke, her voice coming clearly through the open mic yet simultaneously muffled in the open air. “Greetings,” she began, “we are peaceful traders--“

She got no further. The head man, for whatever reason, gave a shriek that was impossible to understand, whether because of the condition or the language no one knew, and raised his spear menacingly towards Teyla. Only her battle honed instincts allowed her to avoid the tip being jabbed at her stomach.

She twisted to the side and then fell back to John’s position. John had raised his P-90 and Ford had moved up closer to him and done the same. “Warning shots for now, Ford,” John ordered, then let lose a short burst from the automatic weapon, aiming well over the natives’ heads.

The men fell back in shock, but didn’t go far. John and Ford kept their weapons aimed as they started to withdraw. “Head for the jumper, quick as you can, people.”

It seemed the natives weren’t going to give in that easily as they regrouped before running towards the retreating team. Ford fired his own warning shots into the snow ahead of the natives, causing snow and ice to spray up in the air.

This didn’t seem to deter their pursuers anywhere near as much as John had hoped. They slowed momentarily, but didn’t give up the chase. Suddenly, the first few men drew back their spears and hurled them at the team. Their aim was alarmingly good, the spears missing by inches.

“Go! Go!” John shouted, hoping to urge more speed from his teammates even as he fired yet another warning burst.

The spear-less men dropped to the back of the group and the next wave drew back their arms and flung their spears. Teyla let out a grunt, clear over their mics. “Teyla?” John questioned worriedly, even as he saw Ford angle towards her.

“ _I am fine, Major, the spear caught my P-90 and jarred my arm. I fear the weapon is damaged, however_.”

“Ford, stick close to her and give cover. And no more warning shots. These guys have had their chance,” John ordered. He was sticking close to Rodney himself, trusting Ford and Teyla to be able to look after each other, even as he was unhappy at the growing distance the spears had put between the two halves of his team.

“ _Yes, sir_ ,” Ford replied grimly.

The second wave of natives now fell back to the rear and the last armed men moved forward, though John saw the original throwers gathering their fallen spears as they passed them. Not good. Spears once again flew towards them, this time getting answering bursts of gunfire from Aiden and John. Some of the men fell, but this merely seemed to enrage the remaining hunters, who threw their weapons once again.

This time it was John who let out a pained noise. He staggered back a step and looked down to see a spear sticking out of his left thigh. A second later his leg buckled and he dropped to one knee, giving a choked scream at the agony that movement put on his wounded leg.

“Major?” Rodney asked, adding, “Shit!” as he turned to see what had happened to his team leader.

“Go, Rodney,” John ordered. The natives were gaining rapidly.

“I’m not leaving you, Major,” he said determinedly.

“ _Major?_ ” Teyla questioned.

“He’s hit,” Rodney answered, an edge of panic creeping into his voice as he fired his nine mil at the natives, actually hitting one. That they were close enough to be in range of his gun was not a good sign.

“ _Dammit!_ ” Ford swore, then, “ _Get him out of there, McKay, while we lay down covering fire_.”

“I’m still here you know,” John ground out, fighting to stay conscious through the waves of pain as he attempted to get up. Not happening, so he aimed his P-90 at the nearest hostiles, cutting two down.

Rodney grabbed hold of his arm and dragged John upright with a pained cry. His vision blurred and he threatened to go down again, but Rodney just gripped harder and said, “Come on, Major, we have to move while Ford has them pinned down.”

He started dragging John towards on outcropping of rock, saying, “The major isn’t going to make it to the jumper, not with those Neanderthals after us. We’re heading into these rocks. Hopefully there will be a big enough rock to hide behind while I try to patch him up. This snow is going to obscure our trail at least.”

“ _Doc, the major has the jumper remote. We can’t get inside, and even if we could, neither of us can fly it_.” Aiden sounded worried.

“Okay, okay, then one or both of you needs to get to the gate as quickly as possible and fetch back marines and Carson.”

“Hey, who put you in charge?” John slurred faintly.

“I did, seeing as how you’re barely conscious and definitely not in any fit state to be making decisions.”

“Oh,” was John’s succinct reply.

“Oh, thank heavens for small mercies,” Rodney breathed. “There’s a cave here, I’m taking us inside.” He added, mostly under his breath, “I just hope there’re no bears here.”

“ _Right, Doc, we’ll be as quick--_ “ static.

“Ford? Teyla? Dammit, wait here.” He propped John against the wall of the cave and stepped back outside.

“ _-ay? Can you hear me?_ ”

“Yes, yes, I’m here. The mineral blocked our radio signal when I went inside. Be as quick as you can and try to remember this location. The radios are going to go down again as soon as I head back inside, so I won’t know when you’ve gotten back and it’s unlikely that the life signs detector will be able to detect us either.”

“ _Okay, McKay. Take care and we’ll be as quick as we can,_ ” Aiden responded.

*~*

Aiden and Teyla arrived at the jumper- much good it did them- as Aiden finished his conversation with Rodney. He stopped, facing the way the hunters were following. They had slowed in their pursuit considerably, though Aiden didn’t know whether it was because they were finally getting that the P-90s were dangerous, or because they were hunting for the other half of the team.

He turned to Teyla and said, “Teyla, you head for the gate, contact Atlantis and get back up and a med-team.”

“And what will you be doing, Aiden?” Teyla inquired.

“I’ll stay here, run interference if it looks like the hostiles are getting too close to the major and McKay.”

“I do not know whether it is wise to split up in these conditions,” Teyla said.

“Probably not, but I don’t want to leave the others unprotected. Major Sheppard sounded pretty hurt and I can’t see McKay being able to properly tend to those wounds and keep an eye out for the bad guys. One of us needs to watch their six, but we need to get help for the major quickly too. You’re faster than me so it’s best you go to the gate, and besides, your P-90’s damaged. Leave me your spare ammo so I can hold the natives off and I’ll see you really soon.”

Teyla appeared to consider Aiden’s plan for a few moments, but it seemed that she agreed it was their best option at the moment. “Very well.” She handed over her spare magazine of bullets and dumped the useless weapon by the jumper. “Take care of yourself, and them; these conditions favour the hunters as they’re well used to them.”

“I’ll be fine, but I’d appreciate it if you hurry too,” Ford responded with a small smile.

She nodded once and then turned, beginning the run back to the gate.

*~*

Rodney stepped back inside the cave after signing off with Ford. He was greeted by the sight of John, still standing, but considerably more slumped against the wall. He had his P-90 pointed straight at Rodney, causing the scientist to stop still.

“Major?” he questioned, not seeing any immediate recognition in John’s eyes.

A few seconds later, John seemed to focus and muttered, “Rodney?”

“Yes, it’s me. Why are you pointing your gun at me?”

“Huh?” John asked, sounding confused. He looked down and seemed surprised to find that he was indeed holding his gun on Rodney. “Oh,” he said, lowering the barrel to point at the floor.

“Thanks,” Rodney said, moving closer, “How are you doing?”

John’s eyes widened almost comically. “I have a spear in my leg,” he announced, as if this answered Rodney’s question.

“I realise that, Major.”

“It hurts like a son-of-a-bitch! You have to take it out,” John said, even as he reached a hand down and gripped the shaft.

“No! That’s the last thing I have to do. I really don’t want to explain to Carson how I let you bleed out by removing the only thing stopping all the blood from leaking out of you!” Rodney all but shouted, even as he gently pried John’s fingers open.

The volume startled John slightly and he jumped, then hissed in pain. “Ow, fuck!”

“Sorry,” Rodney said. “Okay, let me think.” He stepped back and shrugged out of his pack, then took off his goggles- no chance of snow blindness in the dim light of the cave- and scarf. He also pushed down his hood, but promptly pulled it back up again when the cold hit him.

He moved back to John and took hold of the P-90, unclipping it from its strap. John held firm when Rodney tried to pull it away from him though. “Major, I need you to let go of this now. Lieutenant Ford and Teyla are out there taking care of the bad guys for us.”

John held on for a few seconds longer but then relinquished his weapon

“Good. Pack next, hold still.” Rodney tried to take the weight of John’s pack as he eased the major’s arms out, but the spear was around six feet long, and though the force of the throw had been enough for there to be about three inches sticking out the back of his leg, that still left a little more than five feet hanging out the front. The shaft was reasonably flexible as well, so even the slightest movements caused it to flex and pull on John’s wound. Rodney found himself wincing in sympathy as he listened to John’s small cries while he eased the pack off. John slumped still further against the wall when Rodney finally took the pack from him and set it on the floor.

“Okay,” Rodney said. He moved in front of John and pulled his goggles and scarf off. The cave may be dim, but it had light enough for Rodney to see that John's eyes were glassy and his face was bathed in sweat. He also saw that John was breathing in short, shallow gasps judging by the condensation clouds as his warm breath hit the freezing air. 'Oh, not good,' he thought to himself worriedly.

He thought for a few moments, assessing the situation. John was getting very shocky and Rodney needed to get him lying flat with his leg elevated to try to minimise the bleeding. He couldn't see a way of doing it without causing more damage, however. With so much of the spear sticking out the front of John's thigh, Rodney knew that gravity was pulling it lower on that side and causing the wound to stretch accordingly. To get John lying down and his leg raised would mean that gravity would pull the spear in the other direction against the wound, widening it still more. Rodney worried that that widening would mean that the wooden shaft wasn't stopping the bleeding as effectively. Worse, the spear was so flexible that Rodney knew that the movement, combined with the weight of the weapon, could cause it to pull back through John's leg. Rodney was certain that the pointed end of the spear would do a whole lot more damage if it bounced around _inside_ the thigh muscles, or worse still, bounced out completely and left John wide open to bleeding out. There was really only one option Rodney could see and that was to shorten the spear and get rid of as much of the flex and weight as he could. 'Oh god', he thought.

"Okay, Sheppard, I need you to focus a minute," he said, frowning when John didn't look at him or acknowledge him. He used one hand to gently tip John's face up so he could look into his eyes. "John?" that got a reaction. "Come on, are you with me here?"

"With you," John said softly.

"Good, that's good. You're going into shock, so I need to get you lying down and warmed up. No! Not yet!" he shouted when John obediently started lowering himself to the floor. He used his other hand to push John's shoulder up against the wall again and hold him there, using the hand still on John's cheek to move John's face until they were once more locking eyes.

"Listen to me carefully, Sheppard. You can't lie down with that spear sticking out like that. I need to raise your wounded leg to try and limit the bleeding. I'm going to have to cut the spear down."

"No," was John's succinct answer.

"I have to," Rodney replied.

"I'll just stand here 'til Beckett arrives," John answered, his words coming slowly, but still clearly for now.

"John," Rodney started and noted that he was addressing Sheppard as John a lot. That was a bad habit to get into. "Neither Ford nor Teyla can use the jumper. They're going to have to get to the gate on foot. Teyla's fast, but she's no four-minute miler and this weather's going to slow them down even more, along with watching for hostile natives. Then there's the time it'll take Carson to get his medical team together. We're looking at an hour at the very, very earliest. You can't stand for that long. I'm sorry, and I'm not looking forward to this at all by the way, but this thing needs shortening so that I can get you patched up a little."

"You're just scared of Carson," John teased groggily.

Rodney snorted, pleased that John was with him enough for the teasing. "Are you kidding? That man is seriously scary when he thinks someone's not been paying attention in his little field medic tutorials. If I patch you up and prove to him that I learned all his voodoo rituals, he's less likely to threaten me with the big needles."

Rodney pressed John's shoulder gently, but firmly into the wall of the cave one last time and said, "Stay."

"Woof," was John's reply, that and a lop-sided smirk. It was faint, but it was still a smirk and Rodney was pleased to see it.

He knelt down beside John and tugged his pack over, systematically emptying all the contents and examining them for usefulness. He set aside the first aid kit and extra thermal blanket first off and then started rifling the rest of the contents for anything to use on the spear.

He huffed to himself in annoyance, as he had to shift several empty wrappers from sweets, MREs and power bars out of his way. He resolved to remember to clean out his pack when they got back to Atlantis. He'd been meaning to do it for the last few missions, but important things kept getting in his way.

"God, McKay, you're a real slob," John chuckled. Rodney was getting worried, well, more worried actually, as John's voice sounded a little fainter than before and he was starting to get a slight slur.

He rummaged around some more, separating out the uneaten sweets, MREs and power bars next. He paused momentarily, eyeing one of the MREs.

"Only you could think of food at a time like this," John accused good-naturedly.

"Oh, be quiet, Sheppard," Rodney retorted, equally pleasantly. "I was actually thinking about your problem, not that you'd understand my leaps of genius."

John snorted.

Rodney frowned at him, using the opportunity to glance at John's face, not liking the sweat still standing out, nor the fact that he seemed to be panting even more now. He glanced at the MRE in his hand for another second and then discarded it. He'd been briefly caught by the packet's little self warming chemical pack, but there was no way that the heat generated to warm the food would be anywhere near hot enough to burn through the spear.

He moved onto his tools, but most of them were far too delicate, meant for tinkering with Ancient tech, and their own electronics. He had a file, part of the equipment he'd used to take the mineral sample. He could possibly use the thin side and file his way through, in lieu of a saw.

He set the file to one side and had a final look at the items piled before him. Nothing jumped out, so he moved to search himself. There was the combat knife he wore: It was serrated on one side, though the gaps between the teeth were a bit too large to effectively work as a saw. Nevertheless, he set it aside with the file and patted a few more pockets.

His hand fell on his 9mm. Shoot it point blank and hope the bullet split the wood? Another less than ideal possibility and he had nothing else…unless…

He moved to John's pack and started checking the pockets.

"Whatcha looking for?" John slurred.

Rodney didn't reply, simply pulled out his prize with a satisfied sigh. C4. If he could get a small enough piece of the plastique, he could blow the spear without either blowing up John's leg or causing the wood to explode and fire splinters around. He just had to figure out what was sufficient.

John was looking a little green now, but he was still aware and eying Rodney's little stash of possibilities with disfavour. "You've got to be kidding me?"

"Nope, these are the only options I could think of. Unless you've got another idea?" He eyed John expectantly, but John just shook his head. "That's what I thought," Rodney added, then said, "Any preference?"

John eyed the items again, none of them ideal. Rodney could imagine John's train of thought mirroring his own: He didn't want to go the way of the file or knife; just imagining the agony as the spear vibrated and moved about when the blades moved on it was enough to make him nauseous. The gun might work, but he worried about ricochet. That left the C4.

John groaned and gave Rodney his verdict, confirming that their thoughts had followed similar logic.

"Right, okay," Rodney replied nervously. "Umm…any idea how much to use?"

John shook his head but said, "Very small amount. Very small."

"Yes, that's incredibly helpful, thank you," Rodney snarked at him. He took as minuscule a piece of the clay-like material as he could, just enough for the detonator to stay put, and stuck it to the spear shaft about eighteen inches from John's leg. He would have liked to shorten the spear a little more, but was worried about over use of the C4.

He set the detonator for ten seconds- long enough to take the one longish step back to stand beside John, but short enough that the doubts didn't get a chance to set in.

He had his pensive face on and John had just enough time to murmur, "You're not filling me with confidence, Rodney," and then the detonation went off.

It was only a small bang really, but the combination of Rodney's heightened nerves and the cave walls echoing made the explosion sound that much louder to Rodney's ears and he started to panic that he'd used too much of the explosive. A supposition that appeared to be supported by John's pained cry and slide down the wall.

Rodney let out a manly squeak and grabbed hold of John's parka, stopping his slide and instead lowering them both to the floor in a more controlled manner. All the way down, and as he helped John sit with his back to the wall, Rodney was babbling in panic. "Oh god, I used too much, I've killed you haven't I? Or at the very least maimed you for life. I'm sorry...really…"

John interrupted him by clutching his sleeve and saying, "Rodney, I'm fine," amending his statement as Rodney gave him an incredulous look, "Okay, not fine, but you've not done any more damage to me."

Rodney looked somewhat relieved, but still suspicious. "Then what was that with the crying out and sliding down the wall?"

"The vibrations hurt, but mostly it was relief. No more of that weight pulling."

"Okay, that's…okay," Rodney said, relieved himself. He examined his handiwork, alarmed all over again to see just how close the blackened and burnt section was to John's leg. He grinned at John in triumph that his plan had worked, but the grin faded as he saw how pale John was now.

"Okay, hang on for just a second," he said, then set about shaking out one of the thermal blankets and laying it on the ground.

"Here, lay down on this. It's not thick enough to be comfortable against the stones, but it will keep some of your warmth in."

John nodded and moved sluggishly. The adrenaline spike had faded now and left him weaker than before. Rodney watched him and didn't like what he saw. John was still covered in sweat and glassy eyed and he seemed to be less lucid than before as well.

Once he was down on his back Rodney covered his upper body with another of the thermal blankets and raised his injured leg up onto John's still full pack. "I need to look at this leg now, okay?"

"'Kay," John said. He was definitely much quieter now.

Rodney pulled out the scissors from the med-kit and cut through the over trousers John wore. He was hoping that the lack of blood was a good sign and let out a little sigh when the uniform trousers weren't covered in blood like he had been half fearing. There was more on these trousers, though, and Rodney moved to cut them too, so that he could see the wound in John's leg.

Once he had exposed John's leg to the thigh, he pulled the two sides of trouser leg apart and got his first look at the damage. The wound was oozing blood from around the spear remnants. It was as Rodney had feared; the movement from the weight of the spear and their own actions had widened the hole. The spear still held most of the blood inside, for which Rodney was grateful, but there was enough coming out that he needed to get it stopped.

"How's it look?" John slurred.

Rodney looked up at John's question, alarmed by the quietness of his voice. He frowned when he saw that John was paler still and that he was watching Rodney through drooping eyelids, his breath still coming in short gasps.

"It's not as bad as I feared, and no, I'm not just telling you that to keep up your spirits," he said at John's look.

"Give me a minute and I'll get this bandaged up as tight as I can. That should stop the bleeding."

John nodded and Rodney reached for the med-kit, pulling out a couple of pressure bandages and wrapping them round John's thigh above and below the spear. He tied them tightly, despite John's whimper. He had a momentary flash of regret that he was finally getting to touch John in such unhappy circumstances, then chastised himself for the inappropriate timing of the thought. He sighed faintly then busied himself pulling the cut clothing back over John's leg as much as possible.

He sat back and looked up at John's face again. "There, all done," he said. "How are you doing?"

"It hurts and I'm cold," John said, and Rodney knew that it must be bad for John to admit that.

"I can't do anything about the pain," Rodney said regretfully. "I can't risk giving you any drugs while you're in shock. I'm sorry." He smiled sadly as John shifted his hand to clutch at Rodney's sleeve reassuringly.

"'S okay," he muttered, eyes sliding even further shut.

Rodney laid his free hand on John's shoulder, swearing when he felt the tremors of John's violent shivering. "Christ! You're not _cold_ , you're _freezing!_ " He took a moment to chastise himself for not having noticed before, despite the fact that he'd done his best in this situation.

"Okay, we can do something about the cold. Hang on a sec." He lifted the blanket from John's body and unzipped his parka and uniform jacket. He decided that the t-shirt could stay as it was more effort than it was worth to get it off. With the layers removed, Rodney could see John's shivering clearly and he cursed under his breath, yanking his own parka and jacket open.

He lay down along John's right side, getting as close as he could, even lying a little on top of the thinner man. He arranged their various jackets as best he could and then settled the blanket over them both, pulling John in a little closer. John was shivering so violently and Rodney felt the cold coming through their two t-shirts. "You'll start to warm up in a minute," he said.

John nodded slightly and tried to move closer still.

A few minutes later and John didn't seem to be warming very quickly, one of the perils of going into shock in such a cold environment. Rodney started rubbing his big, warm hand over John's chest and John moved towards the touch almost imperceptibly. Again, a small portion of his brain lamented the circumstances of another of his wishes being granted, but the majority of his attention was focused on worrying and desperately fighting off the panic that hung at the edge of his consciousness.

John's breathing was getting shallower and his eyes kept drifting shut. "Hey, come on, John, you have to stay awake. Just a little bit longer," Rodney coaxed.

"Tired," was all John could manage to mumble, but he did force his eyes open again. Only thin hazel slits, but Rodney would take what he could get at the moment.

"I know, but Carson will be here soon and you know what he'll be like if you've gone to sleep. He'll blame me, you know. You wouldn't want that, right?"

"Sorry," and the mumble had quieted to little more than a sigh now.

Rodney could feel the shallow breaths, feel the slow heart beat under his palm and he felt the panic closing in on him. In desperation he blurted out, "Come on, John, stay with me. You've got to be okay because…because I love you and I don't think I can go on if you leave me now. So you have to hang on." 'Oh god,' he thought, 'I really said that.' He'd never intended to let John know his feelings. Too afraid of what John's reaction would be, but he supposed that this was a valid occasion for baring his soul. Hell, he even thought he could live with John hating him, as long as John was alive to do it.

John forced his eyes to slits again and squinted in Rodney's general direction, not really seeing him. "You?" he whispered.

"I really do," Rodney admitted.

John looked like he had intended to say more, but his eyes slid shut again and this time he gave into unconsciousness, his body going limp beneath Rodney's hand that was still trying to massage some heat into him.

"Oh god," Rodney said quietly, then carried on more loudly with, "John, hey, wake up," punctuating his demands with little shakes of his hand on John's chest. John didn't stir, but Rodney could still feel his faint heart beat.

He started unconsciously chanting, "Oh god, oh god, oh god," while panic set in. He didn't know what to do; at least he didn't know what _else_ to do. He'd done everything that Carson's field first aid tutorial had covered. All that he could do now was carry on trying to warm John up and hope that everything else would wait for Carson.

He had no idea how long it was before he heard Ford's voice from outside, "Doctor, Major?" It could have been minutes or hours. It felt like years.

"In here, Ford. Hurry!" he shouted.

He'd never been so happy to see Carson in his whole life and gladly relinquished John to his care, never once making a crack about voodoo, allowing the numbness of his own reaction to creep over him now that he didn't have to stay functional for John. He was dimly aware of Teyla wrapping her arms round him as he sat on the floor out of the way of Carson.

He glanced briefly at her, but couldn't keep his eyes away from Carson working on John; calling out instructions to the medic he had with him as they hooked John up to various IVs and checked his vitals.

The rescue team had parked their jumper much closer than John had theirs, but the walk was a blur to Rodney, as was the whole trip back to Atlantis and the infirmary. He was aware that Elizabeth spoke to him when he disembarked the jumper, but he had no attention to spare her in his diminished state, only enough to follow along after Carson and the gaggle of medical personnel who had been awaiting their arrival.

He stood in the infirmary, lost, watching as John vanished amongst a swarm of people, all calling to each other in an incomprehensible language of medical terms and medications.

He didn't know what to do, where to go, just stood there still wrapped in a thermal blanket. He felt a hand on his arm and moved his head sluggishly. Teyla. She directed him gently to a bed and sat next to him on the mattress, pressed close and offering words of comfort. Rodney wasn't aware of what she said, but allowed the tone to soothe his battered nerves. He was vaguely aware of Elizabeth and Aiden standing near him, but if they spoke he didn't hear it.

Eventually it all became too overpowering and Rodney started to slump down, peripherally aware of hands on him, helping him lie on the bed and offering his shoulder a supportive squeeze. Then darkness claimed him and he went willingly.

*~*

Rodney woke to dim light and for one horrendous moment thought that their return to Atlantis had all been a dream and he was still lying on the cold, hard floor of the cave next to a dying John. A moment later his brain stepped up a gear and he realised that he was in the infirmary and the lights were dimmed for evening. This surprised him; he knew that the lights weren't dimmed until ten pm, but it hadn't been more than eleven in the morning when they made it back to the city.

As if sensing that his patient was returning to the land of the living, Carson materialised at Rodney's bedside. "Welcome back, lad," he said.

Rodney, still fixed on the dimness, mumbled, "Time is it?"

"It's quarter past eleven at night. You've been asleep for the best part of twelve hours. How are you feeling?"

"Confused," Rodney said, "and you know how I hate that, so kindly enlighten me. What's wrong with me, why am I in these?" he waved his right hand at the scrub top he had just noticed he was wearing, "And why do I have this?" now he raised his left hand to indicate the IV tapped to the back of the hand. "Oh, and how's Sheppard?"

Carson smiled to himself at Rodney's seemingly tacked on concern for his friend and teammate. The doctor knew better and answered the most important question first, even as he began checking Rodney's vitals. "The major's going to be fine." He saw Rodney checking the surrounding beds and added, "he's still in post-op, we'll be bringing him out shortly."

"Post-op? You mean to tell me that he's been in surgery for nearly twelve hours?" Rodney all but shrieked.

"Oh, no, Rodney. The surgery only took two hours all told, the spear was removed and all the damage repaired, though he'll need some physio before he's back on full duty. No, we had to stabilise him before we could operate. You did a great job keeping him alive, Rodney," and here, Carson placed a warm hand on Rodney's shoulder and squeezed gently while smiling at him, "but there was only so much you could do with your own body heat and a couple of blankets on that freezing cold planet. He was in a bad way by the time I got there and we had to get his temperature up and get his vitals stabilised before we could even think about anaesthetising him."

"But he's okay, right?"

"Aye, he's on the good stuff now, so he won't be feeling any pain for a while."

"I didn't give him any pain medicine," Rodney said, his tone very slightly challenging, but his eyes silently begging Carson to tell him he did the right thing.

Carson was happy to oblige. "I know you didn't, son, and you did the right thing."

Rodney looked relieved and Carson changed the subject. "As for your own stay with me, you had a mild case of shock once all the adrenaline left your system. Nothing worrying, but you compounded it with a slight hypoglycaemic reaction."

"What? But I ate not long before we left for the mission, I should have been fine!" Rodney protested.

"Aye, but the adrenaline kept your body in a state of readiness and that used up your reserves quicker. The IV has taken care of that." As he spoke, he removed the IV needle. "As for you being asleep so long; well, I think your body took the opportunity to catch up on all the sleep you've missed with your late nights in the lab." His look was pointed and Rodney had the grace to look a bit sheepish.

"Aye, that's what I thought," Carson said with a smile.

The two friends were enjoying their banter, so Carson was alarmed to see Rodney suddenly grimace in pain. "What is it, Rodney? Are you hurt?" he asked. He was sure he'd not missed anything when he'd checked Rodney over earlier.

"No, but I could be," was Rodney's reply.

"What do you mean, lad?" Carson asked.

"I told him," was Rodney's forlorn reply.

"You told..?" Carson started with a confused tone, then the proverbial light bulb pinged on. "You told him how you feel." It wasn't a question; Carson knew how Rodney felt about John, because Rodney had told him several months ago over dinner. Rodney just knew Carson was remembering that conversation.

*~*

 _The mess hall was quiet as the two men started on their desserts. The meal had been filled with their usual mix of banter, friendly insults and inconsequential talk. They had also discussed their respective projects and any progress they had made._

 _Carson had noticed that Rodney was distracted, like he got when he was involved in an important or complicated project, but he knew from their chat that Rodney didn't have any current projects that would account for his preoccupation. "Okay, what's bothering you?" he asked._

 _"What? Nothing's bothering me. What makes you think that?" Rodney sputtered very unconvincingly._

 _Carson eyed him incredulously. "Rodney, how long have I known you?"_

 _"Ages, why?"_

 _"Exactly; ages. One might even say I was one of your best friends."_

 _He smiled when Rodney informed his butterscotch pudding that there was, "No might about it," but sobered again quickly._

 _"So, that means I know you very well and I know that something's bothering you. You know you can talk to me, lad."_

 _Rodney sighed and Carson grew alarmed as Rodney started to desultorily prod the remains of his pudding with his spoon. Anything that could affect Rodney's appetite and cause him to leave even a few morsels was something bad. Carson braced himself._

 _"Rodney?" he said softly._

 _Rodney sighed again and, still looking at his abused pudding, said, "I've fallen in love with someone."_

 _That threw Carson for a moment; he'd not expected that from the dejected look on his friend's face. He recovered quickly though. "That's great news. Who is it?"_

 _"Not so great, actually," Rodney said and gave a short, humourless laugh._

 _"It's not Elizabeth is it?"_

 _"What?! No! She's not my type, and anyway, I wouldn't do that to Radek." Both men smiled as they recalled the times they'd seen their Czech friend mooning over the expedition leader._

 _"Then who?" Carson wanted to know, leaning forward over the table conspiratorially._

 _"It's John," Rodney replied._

 _Carson blinked and sat back, which made Rodney frown. "Oh god, I'm insane aren't I?" he fretted._

 _"Not at all, Rodney," Carson replied. He'd known that Rodney was bisexual for a long time, but, "It's just that I'm surprised I didn't see it."_

 _"What do you mean?" Rodney asked with a frown._

 _"Well, thinking back to the beginning of our own friendship, I remember that it took me quite a while to figure out that a lot of your prickliness is actually a front and that underneath you're a generous and loyal friend." Rodney blushed and glanced away, "And it took us ages to get to the point where we could tell each other like it is, argue and trade insults without taking offence, or tell each other our secrets or dreams for the future. But, and don't get me wrong here, our friendship was definitely worth those months of hard work, but you never had that stage with Major Sheppard, you were just friends straight away. So yes, I'm surprised that I didn't see it before. Does he know?"_

 _"God, no! I can't tell him," Rodney exclaimed, then glanced around in case he'd drawn attention to their conversation. Everyone was used to Rodney's outbursts, however, and no one even glanced at them._

 _"Why can't you tell him?" Carson wanted to know._

 _Rodney stared at him, mouth agape and a look that clearly said 'please tell me you didn't actually just say that?' Carson frowned at him._

 _"I can't tell him, Carson, because he's military. American military at that. There's the whole 'don't ask don't tell' thing to consider, as well as the fact that I have to work with him every day on his team, pretty much under his command, when we go off world. How impossible would that be if I told him and he wasn't interested, or worse, turned out to be homophobic? And I don't think I could bear to lose his friendship over this, I'd rather have some of him than nothing._ "

*~*

Back in the present Cason said, "I thought you'd decided not to tell him."

Rodney looked thoroughly miserable as he replied with, "I know, but he was so still and quiet and cold and I wanted to keep him with me. I thought telling him might give him a reason to hang on, but at the very least, I wanted to have told him if that was the last chance I'd get. And if he had to die, I wanted him to go out with the knowledge that he wasn't alone. Now though, don't get me wrong, I'm very, very grateful that you saved him, of course I am, but it does leave me in a bit of a dilemma. Will I be down one best friend when he wakes up?"

"Give the man a little credit, Rodney. He really doesn't seem the type to turn on you because you've confessed feelings for him."

Rodney interrupted with, "Yeah, but he doesn't seem the type to single-handedly wipe out sixty Genii either, and yet…"

Carson frowned and said, "Different situation. That was his protective streak coming out full force, this is nothing like that. He's not that petty. And besides, he may not even remember much of his time on that planet, not after the shock set in."

"Then I guess I'm stuck in limbo until he wakes up," Rodney said sullenly. He looked so miserable that Carson was tempted to hug him, but he settled for gripping his arm and giving it a quick squeeze.

Rodney smiled briefly and said, "So, can I get out of here now?"

Carson took the opportunity to lighten the mood again, "Why? Are you bored of my scintillating conversation already? I'm hurt."

Rodney, grateful for the distraction, retorted with, "Ha! Conversation. I prefer my conversation to be in English, not bone rattling and voodoo chanting."

"Right, you're obviously feeling better if you're insulting me." Carson mock-exclaimed. "That means you're well enough to stop cluttering up my infirmary. Off with you," he said, making shooing motions with his hands and chivvying Rodney towards the door.

"I'm not a sheep. You don't have to herd me; I know where the exit is," Rodney said with a smirk.

Carson mustered his fiercest scowl and stopped chivvying, instead raising one arm to point imperiously at the door. "Out!"

Rodney grinned and wiggled his fingers in a small wave as he stepped through the doorway.

As the door whooshed shut after Rodney, Carson allowed his arm to drop back to his side. He stared at the door for a moment, shaking his head and smiling, giving a small snort of amusement and then he turned and headed over to check on John, who should be about ready to be moved to the main ward.

*~*

John wasn't awake, but he was aware enough to be able to hear a steady sound, which his foggy brain eventually identified as a heart monitor. Some indeterminate time later, he fuzzily realised that this meant he must have been hurt. He didn't remember that and it spurred him on to wakefulness. It took a bit of effort to force his brain to cooperate enough that he got his eyes open, but he eventually succeeded, blinking against the dim light.

He lifted his hand and rubbed at his eyes with thumb and finger, before dragging his palm down his face, feeling the stubble. He also felt a tug on the back of his hand and he twisted it until he could see the IV needle taped to it.

Okay. He really needed to start remembering what happened.

Which was when Carson arrived to be confronted with a John whose face was all scrunched up as he squinted vacantly at the back of his hand.

"Ah, good, you're awake," he said. He began running his various checks of John's vitals as he asked, "How do you feel, lad?"

John turned his squint on Carson, blinked a few times and then managed to make his eyes stay open and focused. "What-" he started, but it quickly degenerated into a coughing fit.

"Take it easy," Carson soothed. He picked up a cup of water and held the straw for John. "Just a few sips for now. Your throat's dry from the anaesthetic."

"Anaesthetic? What happened?" John croaked before taking another pull on the straw.

"What do you remember?" Carson countered.

John frowned and his eyes went unfocused for a moment, then he looked back at Carson and said, "I remember we went on a mission to the ice planet and that we collected samples before running into some natives. They had spears, I recall, and they were hostile so we pulled back. I don't remember after that. What happened, why am I in the infirmary?"

"You took one of those spears in the leg and have been in surgery to repair the damage." John felt his eyes widening, but Carson went on with, "You'll be fine, we got the spear out and everything sewn up, but you will need to rest it and take some physiotherapy sessions before you get back to active duty."

John frowned at this news, then reached down and flipped the cover back so he could see for himself. The area was covered with a clean white bandage though, so he couldn't see much. He saw even less when Carson twitched the blanket back over him and fussed the edges until it was all arranged to his satisfaction. John grinned a little, but soon sobered, his eyes starting to droop.

"Rest now, lad," Carson said. He was pleased with John's vitals, but the man needed to rest and he was stubbornly fighting the drugs remaining in his system. Carson decided to help him along and injected a pain killer and sedative into John's IV.

"Wait," John said. "What about my team?"

"They're fine, son. When you wake up again I'll give you the details, but there's nothing to worry about. Sleep now, John." He patted John's shoulder reassuringly.

"'Kay, C'rs'n," he slurred as his eyes slid shut and, this time, stayed that way.

Carson watched him for a moment, gave the heart monitor one final glance and headed back to the main infirmary to find a nurse to help move John out of post op and into the infirmary proper.

*~*

Twelve hours later, Carson was once again on hand for John's return to wakefulness. "Afternoon, Major," he said.

John just blinked at him.

Knowing that the drugs had dulled his patient's normally sharp mind, Carson gave him a few minutes to get his bearings while he performed his usual routine vitals checks.

"Everything seems fine," he announced as he moved to John's leg and shifted the covers aside so he could start removing the bandages. "Is the leg giving you any pain?" he asked, but before John could do more than draw breath, Carson held up a forestalling hand and went on with, "And tell me the truth; not what you think will get you out of here quicker," and, ignoring John's pout, "I can assure you that you're in here for the next few days regardless of what you tell me."

Carson was never quite sure whether it was John's high pain threshold, or his desire to hide weakness that made John downplay his injuries so often, but either way, the man was prone to pushing his healing body too hard and Carson always had to keep a wary eye on him. At least he had Rodney to act as a spy; the man was with John most days and he had a vested interest in John's health.

Carson pulled the last of the dressing away from the wound and looked up for John's answer. John pulled a face, but admitted, "It hurts a little." He peered down his body at the stitches and added, "But not as much as it looks like it should."

Carson examined the site and was pleased to report, "No signs of any inflammation or infection. It should heal nicely, _if you keep off it,_ " he emphasised.

John gave him an innocent look and Carson snorted. Then John apparently recalled his earlier conversation with Carson. "You said you'd tell me the details when I woke up."

"Aye, that I did. Well, Ford was completely unscathed--"

John jumped in with, "What, he didn't even manage to accidentally trip and knock himself out, or anything?"

Carson smiled. "Nope, no accidental or mission injuries. Now Teyla, she was one lucky lass. A spear hit her P-90, which impacted with her chest pretty hard. She's got the mother of all bruises, but if it wasn't for that gun, well, it doesn't bear thinking about."

Carson waited as John took a moment to assimilate the news of Teyla's close call. He wore such a look of relief that Carson could well believe he was offering a prayer of thanks to whoever supplied their luck. A moment or two later, John asked, "And Rodney? I remember he was with me when the team split."

"He was, and he did a grand job of keeping you with us until I got to you nigh on an hour later. You were in a bad way, John, but Rodney kept you alive," there was a note of pride in his voice.

"Of course he did," John stated and was surprised to see Carson's face darken a little.

"He damn well did, Major, and I don't appreciate the tone."

"What? Carson, what? What tone?" John asked, sounding confused.

Carson glared at him for a moment and then, after rerunning John's sentence in his mind, offered a sheepish smile. "Aye, sorry about that, son. I suppose I'm just predisposed to hear sarcasm in someone's tone when I tell them Rodney's done something selfless."

John's wide-eyed confusion melted into a look of understanding, "Yeah, I know what you mean," then he frowned. "But I had thought you might know me better than that, Carson. Rodney's my friend and I like to think I know him well enough to know that he has a caring side."

"Sorry, John. One of the perils of being friends with Rodney is always having to listen to his nay-sayers."

John nodded understandingly and Carson knew he was most likely remembering his own share of times when he'd had to listen to the negative comments regarding his admittedly prickly friend. "So, back on topic, he's okay right?"

"Oh, he's fine now--"

Once again, John leapt in, pouncing on, "Now!?"

"If you'd let me finish," Carson said pointedly. "After I took over with you and Rodney's adrenaline rush wore off, he had a minor case of shock, which was compounded by a mild hypoglycaemic reaction. I gave him an IV to get his sugar levels back up and he slept for nearly twelve hours, but most of that was simply his body catching up on all the sleep he's deprived it of while loitering in his lab 'til all hours." A hint of exasperation crept into his tone at the last.

John was relieved to hear that Rodney wasn't seriously hurt. "That's good," he said. He suddenly realised he was hungry, "Hey, what time is it? I'm starving."

"I'm not surprised. It's a little after noon. You've been back for about 24 hours and not eaten in all that time, though the IV will have taken care of some of your nourishment needs. I'll have some toast brought for you. Maybe after that you'll feel up to visitors? I've been turning people away for the last day and they're getting restless. I fear I might be lynched," Carson chuckled.

"I doubt that, Doc," John chuckled, but Carson caught the undercurrent in John's voice, the one that let Carson know how grateful John was for his efforts in saving him.

"You'll save me from the ravening hoards, will you?" Carson joked, inclining his head slightly to let John know he'd gotten the underlying message, well used to both John and Rodney's ways of hiding their true meaning under jokes and snark.

"Only if I don't die of starvation first," John teased.

"Well, it's in my own best interests to keep you fed then," was the reply as Carson headed out to find a nurse to fetch toast and juice for John.

*~*

A short while later, John set down the now empty cup of juice next to the already cleared plate and grinned at Carson, who asked, "Better?"

"Much," John agreed. "You said something about visitors?"

"That I did," Carson confirmed. "Wait a sec' and I'll fetch them." That said he vanished outside, only to return a few moments later trailing behind Teyla, Aiden and Elizabeth.

"Hey, guys," John greeted.

"John."

"Hey, sir."

"It is good to see you, Major Sheppard."

"No Rodney?" John asked lightly. "I hear I owe him some thanks."

"He said he was at a crucial stage of an experiment and couldn't leave it, but says 'hi' and that he'll try to stop by later," Elizabeth supplied.

Carson frowned to himself at this news. He was pretty sure Rodney would have mentioned such an important project to him; he usually couldn't stop himself. He resolved to keep an eye on things, but kept quiet for now.

"Okay," John said.

"I'm afraid I've only got time for a brief visit myself," Elizabeth went on. "You had me worried, John, and I've been neglecting my duties. I just wanted to be here once you woke up. I'll stop by later on."

"Thanks, Elizabeth. And sorry for turning you into a slacker," John teased.

Elizabeth mock-scowled at him, entirely spoiling the effect with the smile that tugged at her mouth as she swatted John's arm. "I was going to bring you something when I came back, but now I don't think I will," she told him.

John pouted exaggeratedly. "Now you're being mean to me."

"Oh, you- stop it," Elizabeth demanded. "I'm going before things degenerate into even more childish behaviour." She smiled at John and nodded to Teyla and Ford, before heading out with a quiet, "Look after him," to Carson.

"Always," he replied, just as quietly.

John turned his attention to his two teammates. Teyla wore her customary blue top with the lace-up front and the skin visible between the laces clearly showed the bruising Carson had told him about. "You okay?" he asked her.

Teyla smiled reassuringly, "I am fine, Major. I have suffered much worse than this before and without the care of Doctor Beckett to assist me."

It saddened John that that was true, but there was nothing he could do about it so he just said, "That's good. I'm glad you're okay," and switched his gaze to Aiden. "How about you, Ford?"

"I'm good, sir. You?"

"I'm feeling much better. I'll be up and about before you know it."

Carson coughed meaningfully at that and everyone grinned, easily reading between the lines of the sound and knowing that John was staying right where he was for some time.

They spoke of inconsequential things for a little while after John had Aiden give him a report of all the base activities that he'd missed over the last day. But soon Carson saw the signs of tiredness creeping up on John; his eyelids drooping a little and several yawns being stifled. "Okay," he said, "that's enough for now, the major needs to rest a bit more."

"I'm good," John protested, but his team members could see the tiredness as clearly as Carson could and they made their exits, leaving John and Carson alone.

"Come on now, Major, time for a nap."

"I need the bathroom first," John said.

Carson considered him for a few moments. Knowing John as he did, he knew there was no way the man would consent to a catheter or urinal now he was awake. Sighing he said, "I'll fetch the wheelchair then, hang on a minute."

"I --" John started, but was cut off by Carson.

"Don't even _think_ about telling me you can walk there. You shouldn't really be getting out of bed at all, there's no way I'm letting you put any weight on that leg. It's the chair, or I fetch the urinal," he threatened.

"I was about to say that the chair would be good," John said hurriedly, assuring Carson that he'd guessed right about John's protest.

He eyed John suspiciously for a second then fetched the chair and helped John into it. As they started their journey Carson said, "And I don't want to hear any protest about me coming in with you either."

It proved to Carson just how tired John was when he couldn't come up with a suitable response, resorting instead to a wordless grunt.

Carson assisted him and, a couple of minutes later, was helping him back into bed and arranging the covers. "Do you need any pain killers, or do you think you can sleep?"

"I'm okay for now," John said, his eyes already mostly shut and his voice slurring a little.

"Okay, John. Rest now and don't hesitate to call me if you need anything." That said, he watched as John lost his battle to stay awake and drifted off into sleep. He watched for a few minutes more and then went about his duties.

*~*

True to her word, Elizabeth did indeed return later that day. Rodney did not. John was a little disappointed not to see his friend, but wasn't too concerned; he knew how Rodney got immersed in his projects.

That changed over the next few days.

Carson kept John in the infirmary for five days after he woke from the anaesthetic. The first one he spent mostly sleeping, still wiped out from his close call, the anaesthetic and the high dose of painkillers. But as the days progressed, his sleep sessions became shorter and further apart, and his painkillers were gradually reduced to avoid any problems with dependency.

In direct correlation to the lessening sleep, John grew more bored and restless. By day two he had badgered Carson into allowing him his book and laptop. Carson allowed them with the proviso that he didn't use the laptop for work. John agreed to limit the computer use to games of solitaire and minesweeper.

Carson knew John, knew that the more restless he got, the more likely he was to push himself. With that in mind, on the third day Carson offered John a deal: He wasn't willing to allow much until the wound had knit and the stitches were out, but providing John followed Carson's instructions to the letter, Carson was willing to allow some careful and very short bouts of physiotherapy. It wasn't much, but there was the possibility that it would knock one or two full sessions off the end of his treatment. John could take it or leave it. He took it.

Even though the exercises were gentle and for only a few minutes, John was still sore and irritable after each session. Luckily, he had plenty of visitors to take his mind off things.

Elizabeth dropped by early every morning and again later in the evening; Teyla and Aiden stopped in at least twice a day, sometimes together, sometimes not. Stackhouse, Markham and a few of the marines stopped by a couple of times; it was always good to show an interest in your commanding officer's continued good health. Radek dropped by a few times, secretly bringing John maths problems to work out, and Carson the friend hung round after Doctor Beckett had performed his various tests. Rodney was conspicuous by his absence.

John asked after him for the first few days, but people either had no clue what Rodney was working on, or gave him the standard 'he said he'd be by later' line. John gave up asking on day three, after he'd asked Radek what it was Rodney was working on and Radek had hesitated for a nanosecond, just barely enough time for John to catch his confusion, and then rallied with a mild rant about Rodney's work habits and secrecy over the really good projects.

John wasn't fooled; he caught the hollowness of Radek's words and saw how uncomfortable the man was by being put on the spot between his two friends. That was when John decided to stop asking where Rodney was. He didn't know what was wrong, but he didn't want to make his other friends uncomfortable by making them choose between himself and Rodney.

Nonetheless, in the hours when he was alone, resting, he couldn't tear his mind away from the conundrum. By all accounts, Rodney had kept him alive against the odds, stressing so much in the process that he made himself ill. So John was at a complete loss as to why the man was now avoiding him so resolutely. It hurt and bewildered John, who had no idea if he'd said something horrible he had to apologise for or what.

He was determined not to let it get to him, but he caught Carson eyeing him with concern a couple of times and knew he wasn't quite succeeding.

For his part, Carson was worried about John's mental state. It wasn't much, but John had grown a little quieter as the days wore on. He rallied when visitors were there to occupy him, but alone he was brooding more and more. It wasn't difficult to imagine that Rodney's avoidance was the main cause.

It was a dilemma for Carson as John was well enough to go back to his own room now, was chaffing to leave even, but Carson worried about him being even more alone than he was in the infirmary. Still, as he examined John on the afternoon of the fifth day, he said, "Everything looks good. I'll be releasing you tomorrow morning--"

"No offence, Carson, but: _Thank god!_ " John said looking relieved.

Carson mock-frowned, but knew that it wasn't him as a person that John wanted to escape from. "I know it's frustrating for you, lad. You're not a man to sit idle, but it's only for a few more days."

"But, you just said I was being released tomorrow," John looked vaguely hurt that Carson was toying with him.

"I _said_ that I was releasing you. You interrupted me before I could say more." He raised an eyebrow at John, who gave him a contrite look.

"Sorry."

"Aye, well. As I was saying, I'm releasing you to your room. You don't need active monitoring anymore, and you'll probably be able to rest better in the quiet rather than the bustle in here. However, you're only allowed to do what you've been doing in here- reading, computer games, watching DVDs and seeing a reasonable amount of visitors. I'll be dropping by to continue your physio and, if it all looks good in two days time, I'll give you some crutches and you'll be allowed _limited_ freedom. By which I mean to the mess and back or the nearest balcony. I don't want any reports about you being seen in the gym, jumper bay, control room or labs."

"Fat chance on that last one," John whispered, eyes flicking away from Carson, who cursed himself for obliquely bringing up Rodney's hurtful behaviour.

"Aye, well…" Carson dithered, not really sure what to say about that.

There was a moment of awkward silence, then John said, "Carson, Rodney talks to you, right?"

'Oh God, here it comes', Carson thought to himself. He'd been dreading this conversation, but knew it was only a matter of time, was surprised that John had managed to restrain himself for so long. John had asked everyone about Rodney more than once, Carson included, but Carson had noticed when he stopped. He was relieved even; it meant he wasn't caught in the middle. He suspected that was why John had dropped it, not wanting to make his friends uncomfortable. But he'd also seen how it was eating at John and knew that the flimsy excuses he'd been given would only hold for so long.

It seemed that John had finally reached the point where he needed better answers and Carson was the most likely person to know what those answers were. Carson took a breath and prepared himself to give John what answers he could, while safe guarding Rodney's trust at the same time.

"Aye, for my sins," he replied to John's question, getting the barest hint of a smile in return.

"So, has he told you what I did to make him hate me?"

"He doesn't hate you, John. You're his best friend," Carson refuted.

John snorted in disbelief. "Really? 'Cause abandoning your seriously hurt friend doesn't really seem like ideal best friend behaviour to me," John scowled. "So, really, Carson, just tell me what it is I need to apologise for- because I really don't remember anything after meeting the natives- I'll apologise and we can get back to normal." His tone was a mixture of bewildered hurt and bitterness and Carson desperately wanted to do something to make sure that bitterness didn't take over.

"You nearly died, John--"

"I didn't do it on purpose!" John exclaimed irritatedly.

"I know that, lad," Carson placated, "but you scared Rodney to death regardless, and you know how he handles fear."

"Badly," John admitted grudgingly.

"Aye, exactly. He's trying to deal with the idea that he nearly lost one of his few friends, his best one at that, and he's Rodney, so he isn't likely to get it into his thick, genius skull that his running away is affecting you."

"Yeah, I guess," John said, though he didn't look any happier.

Carson put a soothing hand on John's shoulder, "He'll come round." Then, wanting to lighten the mood a little, he added, "And before you go getting any ideas about hurrying him up into your own thick skull, just remember that you have two more days of bed rest ahead of you and I won't hesitate to keep you here if I think I need to."

John just gave him an innocent look, though it still wasn't up to his usual par. "I don't know what you mean, Doc," he said.

"Uh huh," Carson said, unconvinced. "Now, I believe Teyla is here to see you, so I'll leave you to it and be back later on for your physio."

"Thanks, Carson," John said softly and Carson smiled, then headed out.

"Ah, Teyla, lass, he's all yours."

"Thank you, Doctor Beckett," Teyla replied and headed over to see John.

As Carson walked away he heard:

"Hey, Teyla."

"Major, it is good to see you."

He smiled at John's more cheerful tone, hoping that his words and Teyla's presence would help John to shake off his brooding mood.

*~*

Now that John was recovering, his painkillers had been reduced, which had allowed his normal alertness to return. Consequently, he woke when he heard someone stepping to his bedside. He instinctively knew that it was the middle of the night and that it was Carson, come to perform his nightly check- something that could, by rights, be left to the duty night nurse now that John was on the mend. But Carson hadn't quite recovered from John's close call and still liked to do the check himself.

John wasn't in a talkative mood, however, still caught up in his brooding, despite Carson's earlier words, so he stayed still, kept his eyes closed and feigned sleep; a fact he was glad of a few moments later. He was also glad that the heart monitor had been removed earlier in his recovery, for it would surely have registered his reaction to hearing Rodney whisper, "How's he doing, Carson?"

There was no reply straight away, just the sound of rustling cloth as Carson drew Rodney back out of John's little curtained off area. "He's doing well, Rodney," Carson replied. There was a pause and then Carson spoke again, sounding angry despite the whispered volume, "You have to stop doing this to him, Rodney. He thinks you hate him."

"What? Why?" Rodney sputtered.

"Why do you think, man?" Carson exclaimed. "Maybe because you've not been to see him in the whole time he's been in here going out of his mind with boredom."

"I've been here every day," Rodney protested, though his voice sounded small and not because he was whispering.

Carson managed to sound even more irritated whilst still keeping his voice down. "I know that, Rodney, but how is John supposed to know who's visited him while he's been in a drugged sleep each night? All he knows is that you've not been in to see him when he's awake and would have liked your company. He asked me about you again today, wanted to know what he should apologise for so that he could do it and get you back."

"What did you tell him?" Rodney asked pensively.

"Don't worry, I didn't give him the whole truth, just said that you were trying to deal with the fact that he nearly died. But Rodney, this isn't fair on anyone. You're putting me in the middle, you're worrying yourself ragged over something John doesn't even remember and pushing him away in the process, and you're hurting John by shutting him out so completely. Do you think he'd be hiding if your situations were reversed?"

"No," Rodney said, sounding guilty. "God, Carson, what do I do to fix this?"

"I'm releasing him tomorrow morning, but he's still on bed rest for two more days. Go see him, it'll be more private in his quarters and you need to talk, explain at least some of your behaviour. But don't leave it too long, Rodney, or you might not be assured a welcome."

John heard one set of footsteps leave the area, the other coming closer. He risked slitting one eye open a tiny amount and could just make out Rodney's shape standing at his side and looking down. He looked thoroughly miserable and John was both sad and glad of that fact. Whispering so softly that John had to strain to hear him, Rodney said, "I'm sorry, John," then turned and left.

John lay for some time, pondering the overheard conversation. Obviously Carson had told him the limited truth about Rodney's motivations, but just as obviously, he knew something more. John would have loved to ask him, but knew Carson wouldn't spill and it wasn't fair to put him on the spot. John resigned himself to waiting, and hoping, for Rodney's visit in the next day or so, but was fully prepared to track the man down and force a conversation just as soon as he got his crutches. He was still turning everything over in his mind when sleep claimed him once more. A much more restful sleep now that he knew Rodney had visited him every night, even if it was while he was sleeping.

*~*

The next morning, after a final check up and list of instructions from Carson, John was released as promised. Teyla and Aiden were there to escort him back to his quarters, Aiden pushing his wheelchair after John had gone through the requisite grumble and couldn't he just have his crutches now?

The journey through the halls was filled with casual small talk. Teyla recounted the latest news from the mainland, while Aiden regaled John with the latest poker night antics. John also had to field well wishes from people they passed, be it a smile or salute or variations on the 'get well soon' theme. The only person who didn't do, or say, anything encouraging was Kavanagh, who looked haughtily down his nose at the three of them as he sailed passed. John graced him with his most winning smile and snorted in amusement when it simply made the man look even more sour.

Despite his usual chattiness, John couldn't shake the feeling that something was bothering Aiden and he had the sneaking suspicion that it was Rodney after running a quick process of elimination: One, if it was Atlantis or mission related, Aiden would have told John. Two, the poker night tales tended to disprove any personal or professional problems with the other marines. Three, it couldn't be a problem with Teyla as they were both right there smiling and chatting as usual. Four, he didn't have much to do with any of the scientists during the general day-to-day activities and wasn't prone to listening to their general grumbling about the military having gotten used to that back at the SGC. Five, they'd already dealt with Aiden's usual feelings of guilt and perceived failure to protect his CO out in the field. Which left Rodney, or something completely out of left field. John was inclined to think it was Rodney, though. His failure to visit John would offend Aiden's sense of family, a sense ingrained by his home life and his time in the corps. Plus, he could also take the stance of being offended at the slight to his CO.

John decided to test his theory once they reached his room and the door slid shut behind them. "So, have either of you seen Rodney? How's he doing?"

Teyla was the one who answered, "He is well, Major." It was a little non-committal, but John didn't get any hint of underlying anger from her.

Aiden, on the other hand, pulled a slight sneer. It was still mindful of John's rank and Rodney's position, but managing to convey his thoughts nonetheless.

"Okay, out with it, Ford," John said, wanting to get this sorted before it went too far.

"Sir?" Aiden tried, but relented when he got a raised eyebrow for his trouble. "Permission to speak freely, sir?" John waved his hand in a permission granted kind of way and Aiden sucked in a breath, obviously marshalling his thoughts. "I don't understand McKay," he said in the end, "I mean, he put so much effort into keeping you alive on the planet and now he can't even give you the time of day?" Aiden took another breath, apparently noticing that his voice had risen towards the end of that sentence.

John, after his discovery of the night before, was willing to cut Rodney a lot more slack than he would have otherwise, but he liked to think that he would have stuck up for Rodney a little bit regardless, just because it's what team mates do. Knowing that Rodney had been to see him every day and having had the talk with Carson about Rodney's fear, John hoped he could placate Aiden.

"Come on, Ford, this is Rodney. I can't say I'm overjoyed with his behaviour, but you know how he is when he's scared and I scared him pretty badly. Really, I would have liked it if he'd handled the situation differently, but I know there's nothing malicious in his actions."

Ford looked unconvinced for a moment or two, but he searched John's expression carefully and finally nodded, accepting John's assessment with a grudging, "I guess that's it, sir, but I'm still a little angry at his actions. It's not how someone should treat their friend."

"I know that, Ford, but things are different in Rodney-World and we just have to accept that he doesn't react the way everyone else does."

"So you're just going to let him get away with it?" Aiden asked, still refusing to lose his indignation on John's behalf.

"Oh, he and I will be having a long talk about his actions, but yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll forgive him once I've heard his explanations. Like I said, it's not malicious, he's not out to hurt me, he's just not really thinking things through."

John watched Aiden's face, waiting for his expression to clear as he accepted John's words. He didn't have to wait long and, with the matter cleared to Aiden's satisfaction, they returned to their small talk. Teyla shot John an approving glance that said how pleased she was that the situation was dealt with, without actually saying a word.

They chatted for another half hour or so before leaving John to his own devices.

*~*

John's day followed much the same routine as it had in the infirmary; the same people visited at the same sort of times and Carson appeared for a couple of check ups and a physio session. There was no Rodney, though and John tried not to let his hurt and anger get a good foothold.

Instead, as the day wore into evening, he resigned himself to another Rodney-free day and settled with his book. So he was startled when the door chime sounded, having had all the visits he'd expected and said goodbye to Carson for the night an hour back.

He glanced at his watch- just short of 2300. His heart leapt with hope, a hope that was satisfied a few moments later when his call of 'come in' had the door opening to reveal Rodney.

Rodney sidled inside just enough for the door sensor to deem it acceptable to shut the door after him.

John set _War and Peace_ down on the bedside cabinet and eyed Rodney. "McKay," he said, his tone somewhere between welcoming and wary.

"Major," Rodney replied, his tone much heavier on the wary.

John waited, watching, part of him enjoying seeing Rodney squirming over by the door. It was the least he could endure after what he'd put John through. However, he didn't want Rodney to get so uncomfortable that he simply bolted, so after a few moments he nudged the chair that was stood next to his bed and said, "Have a seat."

Rodney hesitated a moment, but then seemed to firm his resolve, moving to the chair and dropping into it, hands in his lap and avoiding eye contact with John.

John again waited for Rodney to start talking, and this time, his wait wasn't in vain.

"So…ah…" Rodney began uneasily, "Um. Carson brought it to my attention that I've not been a very good friend this past week."

" _Carson_ pointed it out!" John said, sounding a little disbelieving.

"Yes, Carson," Rodney said, starting to sound a bit more like his usual self. "Hello, have you met me? I'm Doctor Rodney McKay, self-absorbed and arrogant genius with seriously lacking social skills!"

John couldn't hold in the small snort of amusement as Rodney's natural snark came to the fore. "Yeah, ok," he conceded, "but, Rodney, I don't understand what made this time so different. I've been hurt before, badly enough to warrant a stay in the infirmary once or twice--" here he was interrupted by Rodney's slight snort at John's conservative estimate of infirmary stays. He glared half heartedly, caught between wanting to get back to their status quo and satisfying his hurt and anger. " _Anyway,_ " he went on determinedly, "regardless of the amount of times, you've always been there at least once a day, usually more, and very often until Carson has to chase you out to rest. So what made this time different? I thought I'd done something to make you hate me. If I did, I apologise, but I don't remember any of what happened that day. So please, tell me what I did that upset you so much that you didn't come to see me once in the last five interminable days."

Rodney looked pained, as if he only now truly understood what his actions had done to John. "You didn't do anything to upset me," he assured. "Well, except nearly dying, but that wasn't intentional." He gave a crooked, tentative smile.

"Then what?" John said, too exasperated to return the smile.

"I did something to upset myself and tried to deal with it by removing myself from the situation. I never really thought about how you would see it, too wrapped up in my thoughts. And I did visit you, every night," The last was said very quietly and too the corner of John's bed.

"Well, how did you upset yourself? Maybe I can help," John offered.

He was surprised by Rodney's darkly amused huff, frowning at the scientist questioningly.

"Oh, I doubt you'd want to help me out once you know," Rodney said a little harshly.

"Rodney, I'm your friend, _of course_ I want to help if I can."

Rodney stared at him for nearly a minute and John met the gaze openly, hoping his eyes would convince Rodney of the truth in his words. Finally Rodney glanced away and John understood that he'd made a decision when Rodney's gaze swung back to his with a determined cast to it.

"You really want to know?" Rodney said, somewhat challengingly. John simply nodded and kept his gaze on Rodney.

Rodney gave a sharp nod, more a downward jerk of his chin than anything, then abruptly leant forwards and clasped John's startled face between his large hands. He tugged just enough to bring John closer to him and then kissed him. It wasn't a gentle kiss either and Rodney took advantage of John's surprised gasp to slip his tongue into John's mouth.

John was shocked into stillness, eyes wide. Before he could do anything in reaction, Rodney pulled sharply away and stood, staring at John with a look akin to horror, before bolting out of the room without a backward glance.

John stared mutely after him, even long after the door had whooshed shut behind the fleeing man. His brain stuttered and struggled to comprehend that his best friend had just kissed him after avoiding him for the past week.

Eventually he gave up, knowing that he'd have to talk to Rodney again before things would get any clearer. There was absolutely no point in trying to get back to his reading, so John settled for the night and willed his brain to shut off and let him sleep.

It took a long time.

*~*

The next two days were difficult.

Not surprisingly, Rodney didn't visit during his final day of bed rest, or confinement as John preferred to think of it.

He had his usual visitors and they went someway to taking his mind off of Rodney, but evidently not as much as he'd thought:

Carson arrived in the afternoon for his physio session and, after a few minutes of the gentle exercise, said, "You're very distracted today, lad."

"I am?" John asked, grimacing when his leg muscle gave a twinge of protest.

"Aye. Do I take it Rodney's finally been to see you?"

"Now why would you think that, when I've been distracted for the whole week by him not turning up? Has he spoken to you?" John narrowed his eyes in mostly mock-suspicion. "You know more than you're saying." Of course, John already knew that from his accidental eavesdropping a few nights before.

Carson looked caught, eyes widening slightly and his hands momentarily freezing before continuing with the physiotherapy exercises. He sighed slightly and said, "He's not spoken to me about coming to see you. In fact," and here he frowned slightly, "I've not seen him yet today, which means he's hiding. Should I take it that things didn't get sorted out?"

"Not so much, no. I asked what it was I had to apologise for--"

"I already told you--"

"I remember, but I had to hear it from him, you know?" Carson nodded and John continued, "Anyway, he said I hadn't done anything, _he_ had. So now I'm screwed, Carson. I could apologise for something I'd done, he could forgive me and things could go back to normal, but I can't make him forgive himself." John's tone was one of frustration.

"Did he not say anything about what he thought he'd done?"

"No, he didn't really _say_ very much," John said with some irony.

Carson's eyebrow quirked and his expression took on a distinctly eager cast.

"What?" John said. "What do you know that I don't?"

"Lots of stuff, "Carson shot back.

"Okay, I'll rephrase: What do you know about Rodney as pertains to the current situation?"

"What did he say to you?"

"God, we could be here all night," John said in exasperation. He sighed, "Fine! He kissed me."

"He kissed you?"

"Yeah, he kissed me. And then he ran away!"

"Ah, yes that certainly sounds like the sort of half-baked thing he'd do," Carson said. "So, what are you going to do?"

"I haven't a clue. It was such a shock and I don't really know what it was all about."

"You don't know what a kiss is all about?" Carson exclaimed.

"Of course I know, but I don't know what Rodney's thinking, what it is he wants."

"Well, let's start with the easy stuff; how do you feel about Rodney having kissed you?"

"You call that easy? I feel confused. Was it just Rodney's unique way of saying he was relieved that I didn't die? Does it mean he has some sort of crush? Is it more?" Carson could see the confusion in John's eyes, but was pleased to note that he didn't seem disgusted by the kiss. Maybe Rodney had a chance after all.

"Well, would it bother you if it was more?"

John looked at him sharply, trying to somehow glean the knowledge Carson possessed. "Is it?" he asked.

"I asked first," Carson retorted, earning an explosive huff of air through John's teeth.

Still, John's focus turned inward for a moment and Carson was again pleased that he wasn't simply jumping onto the macho, heterosexual bandwagon and simply resorting to disgust. A minute or so later, John's gaze turned back to Carson again. "I honestly don't know, Carson. I mean, it hasn't made me hate him or not want to be his friend anymore. Hell, it's kinda flattering. But it's so unexpected, so out of the blue, and I don't know how much meaning Rodney thinks it held.

"I'm straight, Carson. I've never once looked at a guy with lust or attraction. But I'm not upset at Rodney, or disgusted. I'm open minded, live and let live and all that, but I don't know whether I'm quite open-minded enough for what Rodney might want. I don't want to hurt him and he could so easily see anything I do or say as hurtful now that he's on the defensive." He looked at Carson with puppy dog eyes imploring him, "What should I do?"

"I don't know what to tell you, lad, not without completely breaking Rodney's confidence. All I can say is that you need to talk to him. But you already knew that." He sighed deprecatingly, "I'm afraid I've not been much help to you."

"Hey, you listened. At least I've been able to talk my own stuff through. And you're bringing me crutches tomorrow morning, so I can go hunt down our resident genius and corner him until he talks." John smiled at him, a little tentatively.

"Aye, you'll get your crutches alright. Making Rodney talk now, that's a whole other matter and not something I can help with."

"Oh, don't worry, we'll talk. I've waited long enough. He doesn't get to avoid me anymore."

With that decided the two men chatted about other things for a short while longer and then Carson left John to his own devices, which consisted of his by now usual gaming, reading, watching DVDs and chatting with visitors. He enjoyed the time a little more after his chat with Carson, but he still had part of his brain focused on what to do about Rodney. And he did right up until he fell asleep.

*~*

As for why the next day was so terrible, even though he'd gotten his crutches and his freedom; well, he and Rodney needed to talk and it wasn't a conversation for the labs. He forced himself to wait until the evening before cornering Rodney.

He tried to distract himself by going out and about. He visited Elizabeth for a while then moved onto the gym to watch Teyla take down several of his marines with her stick fighting skills. He headed to the mess hall, where he found Ford sitting with Stackhouse and Markham. John joined them and they discussed this and that until they finished eating.

Just as they were about to leave Teyla arrived, so John and Aiden stuck around and chatted with her while she ate. After that, they all went their separate ways and John headed off to the jumper bay and Radek. He spent two and a half hours turning the Jumper Four's systems on and off for Radek while the scientist tried to fix the navigation glitch that had the ship out of commission. They decided it was wise not to let Carson know of John's 'work' if it could be avoided, both men happy with their current anatomy as it was.

Eventually Radek got called back to the lab and John made his way to his office and the mountain of paperwork waiting there. John hated paperwork ordinarily, but today he welcomed even that as a distraction from thinking about Rodney. That said, there were only so many reports and forms John could look at in one session before he died of boredom.

He checked his watch as he shut down his laptop, surprised that he managed nearly three hours; a record for him. That meant there was a little over an hour before he had to go to the infirmary for his physiotherapy session with Carson. He decided to head to his room for a short nap. The day had taken a lot more out of him than he'd expected. A week of complete inactivity was more wearing than he'd assumed it would be.

After his refreshing nap, John made his slow way to see Carson.

"Ah, Major, how are you feeling?" Carson greeted as John entered the infirmary. He indicated an exam bed and John moved to it, resting his crutches against the foot end.

"I'm feeling fine, Doc," he replied, having decided to keep quiet about how tired he'd felt in case Carson prescribed more bed rest. Carson pulled the privacy curtain shut and John shucked his trousers and manoeuvred himself up, a lot less gracefully than he would have liked.

Carson removed the dressings from John's leg and examined the stitches. "Looking good, lad. The stitches will be out on schedule if things carry on like this." He quickly redressed the wound and started John's exercises. "So, what have you been up to today, other than brooding over Rodney?"

"I've not been--" John started indignantly; trailing off with, "Well, maybe a little," at Carson's raised eyebrow.

"So?" Carson prompted, reminding John that he'd not actually answered the question.

"Well, I went to see Elizabeth for a bit, headed to the gym--"

Carson scowled disapprovingly. "I thought I told you no gym," he said.

"Yeah, I assumed you meant to work out. I only went to watch Teyla beat up some of my men with her sticks." Carson seemed mollified so John went on, "Then I went to the mess and met Ford. Teyla arrived so we sat with her while she ate. I went to see Radek after that--"

Carson interrupted him once again with, "He wasn't in the lab was he?"

"Nope," John assured.

Carson's eyes narrowed. "So, where was he?"

"Puddle Jumper Four," John admitted sheepishly, quickly adding, "But I only sat in the pilot's chair and thought things on and off for him. Hardly strenuous work for my leg."

Carson glared at him anyway, so John rushed on, hoping to distract him. "I did a bit of paperwork after that and then went to my quarters, where I did _not_ brood, before coming here."

"Paperwork?" Carson was aghast, "You hate paperwork. God, you must really be brooding," he teased. John pulled a very un-major-like face. Carson smirked.

He sobered a moment later. "So you've not been to see Rodney yet then?"

"No. I thought it best to wait until the lab was empty in case I can't convince him to go somewhere more private."

"Aye, probably wise," Carson said. "So, have you got any idea what you're going to say to him?"

"God, Carson, I've not got a clue! I don't want to lose him as my best friend, but I don't think I can give him what he wants and he deserves better."

"So that's what you tell him," Carson replied.

"As simple as that?"

"Come on, John, this is Rodney we're talking about. The simpler the better as far as his social interaction is concerned."

"I suppose," John agreed reluctantly.

Carson patted his ankle reassuringly, "You'll do fine." He did a couple more repetitions with John's leg and then said, "There, all done for today. I suggest you rest before facing off with Rodney."

"Probably wise," John agreed and did just that, taking his leave of Carson and napping most of his time away, bar a visit to the mess.

By 9:30 that evening, John was fighting the urge to pace. By 10:00 he'd given in to it and was crutching himself to and fro in the space next to his bed. 'At least I'm getting lots of practice with these things,' he thought, grimly amused. By 10:30, John's nerves couldn't stand it anymore and he headed off to the labs, relieved to find only Rodney and Radek still there. Not that he had any sort of plan for what he would say to Rodney.

*~*

Radek looked up when he heard the door open, smiling at John when he entered. He knew that relations were strained between the major and Rodney and, even if he didn't know the details, he knew that it was some foolishness in Rodney's head that was causing the problem. He'd been expecting John for the last couple of hours, having seen how distracted the man was during their work on the jumper.

Knowing that John had probably come to try and talk sense into Rodney, Radek shut down his laptop and glanced over to Rodney. He'd not noticed John's arrival, caught up in his current project. Likewise, he didn't really pay Radek any heed when he announced, "Rodney, I'm calling it a night and I suggest you do the same," getting nothing more than a vague hand flap in reply.

He exchanged a grin and eye roll with John and headed out. John thanked him as he walked past and Radek gave his own hand flap, waving away the gratitude. "Just get his head sorted out. That is all the thanks I need," he said.

*~*

John nodded and watched Radek's back recede down the corridor for a few moments before stepping far enough into the room for the doors to automatically shut again. He watched Rodney for a few moments more, gathering himself, trying to figure out a plan of some sort. Finally he took a deep breath and moved towards Rodney's desk, trying to approach from the side to avoid startling Rodney too much.

"Hey, Rodney," he said softly.

Apparently, he failed. Rodney shot up straight in his chair with a gasp, his head snapping to John, wide eyed. Then his voice was also snapping, "Oh my god! Are you trying to give me a heart attack? Don't creep up on me like that!"

John lifted a wry brow at his crutches. "Kinda difficult to creep with these."

Rodney stared at him for a nanosecond, then John saw his shutters go up, eyes narrowing, mouth thinning to a white line and chin rising. 'Dammit,' he thought. Just for a moment it had been their normal banter, mentioning his crutches had obviously been a huge mistake.

"What do you want?" Rodney demanded tersely. As much as he didn't want to, as much as he hated the hurt look on John's face and hated pushing him away, it was a reflexive, defensive measure and he couldn't stop himself. He watched John's own face close up and couldn't decide whether he wanted John to give up and leave, or fight, so he waited.

John took a deep, slow breath, obviously trying to get his head back where he wanted it. Apparently satisfied, he said, "I want to talk, Rodney."

"We've done that already."

"Noooo, you _talked_ ," and Rodney could feel the air quotes there, even if John's hands never moved, "Briefly, and then you bolted. Now we're going to have a proper talk, with actual talking. Starting with why you ran off."

"Oh yes, because I so wanted to stick around for the physical violence portion of the evening," Rodney scoffed. And dammit, there was that hurt look on John's face again.

"You thought I'd hurt you?" John asked. "Have I ever given you cause to think I'd hurt you?"

"Come on, you threaten me all the time!"

John took a step back, a look of shock on his face. "I don't threaten you. I might cajole and snark, and okay, maybe I don't leap to your defence every time one of your minions threatens to shoot you, but that was all teasing. Christ, Rodney, I though you understood that, I thought it was part of our thing, hand in hand with you mocking my poor useless brain all the time. I didn't think you actually ever believed any of it."

John looked so earnest and dismayed that Rodney relented. "Yes, okay, fine. I know you never meant any of it, I really do. But I never forced myself on you before and I didn't know how you might react to it considering you don't like people in your personal space, and it doesn't get much more personal than that."

Which neatly brought them back to John's point it seemed. "Um, yeah, about that…you kissed me," he said, sounding a little unsure.

"Oh, you noticed that did you?" Rodney said sarcastically, "I'm flattered, considering all the other people you have to fend off daily."

John's eyes narrowed and he snarled, "So what, you thought you'd see what you were missing out on?"

"Yes! That's it exactly. The great John Sheppard, slut of Atlantis. I wanted to see what all the fuss was about!" Rodney was almost yelling by now. With every word he spoke, he hated himself that bit more.

John flinched as if he'd been hit and sucked in a harsh breath. It was on the tip of his tongue to respond with something equally hurtful, but he swallowed it. That was what Rodney wanted, to make John so angry that he forgot the root problem. Instead, he shut his eyes for a second and took another breath, slow and calming this time.

Opening his eyes, he caught and locked onto Rodney's and said, "No, you know what? Just no. You want to end our friendship, you damn well better give me a good reason and stop this spiteful crap! Unlike you, I'm willing to fight for this friendship and that starts with finding out why you kissed me."

Rodney couldn't seem to make himself break the eye contact, but he was obviously still feeling defiant. "Why? So you can humiliate me some more?"

"No!" John said, exasperated, "Rodney, I don't want to humiliate you at all. I want to find out how much work we have ahead of us to fix this. If it's a crush, well then, they wear off, don't they? But if it's more, well…I'm sorry, but I don't think I can give you what you need. But I don't want to lose my best friend over this, either."

John held Rodney's eyes and he saw the spark of defiance fade as his chin and shoulders dropped, the fight going out of him to a large extent. He sighed and said in a rush, "A crush. It's a stupid hero-worshipping crush, and you nearly died and scared me and I'm sorry."

John didn't believe him; he was still staring deep into Rodney's eyes and saw the lie. Rodney wasn't a very convincing liar at the best of times and John read him much easier than most others. Still, if that was how Rodney wanted to play it, it was better than the outright hostility and John hoped they could start getting back to some semblance of normal. He decided to let Rodney get away with it for now.

"Okay, good. So, we're okay right? I mean, it won't last long, this crush; probably only until I next do something you think is idiotic." It was worth a try at least.

Rodney thought about it briefly, then said, "Yes, sure, we're fine. I may have overreacted a little."

"A _little?_ " John scoffed.

Rodney gave him a small grin at that. "Would you like to see me overreact a lot?" John shook his head and Rodney continued with, "I didn't think so. Now, we've talked and I'm tired. I'm going to bed and I'll see you tomorrow."

John was happy with the state of things for now and knew that he wouldn't get anything more from Rodney tonight, not without giving Rodney a chance to think on what had been said, so he said, "Sure, I'm about to turn in myself. I'll walk with you."

The walk to Rodney's quarters was silent, but it was a companionable silence and John smiled to himself as he walked the short distance to his own room.

*~*

Rodney allowed John to walk with him until they reached his room, even managing a small grunt of farewell. His mind was lost in thought for the whole walk, however, running through the last few minutes and picking out the pertinent facts, namely that John had said he didn't _think_ he could give Rodney what he wanted, not that he definitely couldn't.

He wasn't sure whether John had believed him about it being just a crush, but that crucial _'think'_ meant that it wasn't such a panic-inducing possibility.

He spent several hours lost in thought, mulling over his options, before finally dropping off to sleep for a few hours.

*~*

 **Two weeks later**

Physically, things were much improved. John's stitches had come out on day twelve and subsequent physiotherapy sessions had been more intensive. He still had his crutches, but only as stabilisers now, rather than to replace his leg. It just couldn't quite hold his weight on its own yet. Carson was pleased with his progress, though, and was reducing him to one crutch in the next day or two. He was also allowed on light duty, which meant paperwork and sitting in on meetings, but John would take what he could get by this stage.

Personally, however, things were still strained between him and Rodney. Granted, Rodney had stopped the determined avoidance, and they'd even managed a measure of their usual banter in the meetings. But Rodney was still avoiding being alone with John, only really talking to him when there were others to act as a buffer.

This, combined with John's certainty that Rodney had lied about his so-called crush, had John feeling awkward in turn. Well, no more he'd decided. Tonight was team night and John had a plan.

The team always tried to spend one night a week with just the four of them in one of their quarters. Tonight they were in John's. As always, Rodney was the last to arrive, but that was fine with John as it gave him a chance to speak to Aiden and Teyla.

"So, guys, um, don't take this the wrong way, but I need you to leave quickly once the movie's finished."

Aiden looked surprised, but Teyla, sharp as always said, "You wish to speak with Rodney."

John flashed her a relieved grin, "Yeah, you've probably noticed that things are still not back to normal and I figured that it would be easier to talk to him in a private setting. Plus, I've got _Back to the Future_ , and you know how he likes to mock the bad science in films, so I'm hoping he'll relax even more. I don't want you to feel like I'm kicking you out though."

"No worries, sir. If it'll help with the doc and his problems, I'm all for it."

"As Aiden has said, we will do this and hope that you succeed."

"Great, thanks guys," John grinned in relief. "Just, don't both go at the same time or Rodney might get suspicious."

"Think no more about it," Teyla said, "We will make sure your plan works."

John grinned again and went about setting things up for the DVD. A few minutes later Rodney arrived and they all settled in to watch the film, eat the snacks and drink the juice. Non-citrus, of course.

As John had hoped, Rodney loosened right up, caught in his mocking of the various ridiculous 'scientific' things in the film. And John helped him along by claiming the scenes with the most ludicrous science as his favourite, giving Rodney something to really get himself snarking about.

The team had fun and they chatted a bit after the movie finished. John caught Aiden checking his watch several times. It was a good job Rodney was so oblivious, because the lieutenant obviously hadn't yet learned to hide his feelings the way John could.

Ten minutes later, after one final watch check, Aiden stood, "Sorry, guys, but I can't stick around any longer. I've got to catch Stackhouse before he starts his patrol."

"Anything I need to know, Lieutenant?" John asked, making it sound more authentic and less like an excuse.

"No, sir."

"Well, okay, Ford. I guess we'll see you tomorrow?"

"You sure will. See ya." Ford left the room to a chorus of farewells.

*~*

Teyla watched Rodney as Aiden left. Ford had been sitting between the other two men on John's bed and now there was empty space. She saw him tense slightly, even though John had made no move to encroach into that space. A glance at John showed that he had caught it, too.

It was up to Teyla to perform a balancing act now. She had to stay and chat for long enough that Rodney relaxed again, but make sure she left before the scientist got it into his head to leave.

A little over fifteen minutes later, Teyla judged Rodney as relaxed as he was likely to get and made her move. Rising gracefully she said, "John, Rodney, it has been a most enjoyable evening, but I wished to speak with Elizabeth before retiring for the night, so I must take my leave now."

Rodney instantly became uncomfortable again, checking his watch and saying, "Yeah, I need to get going too. Stuff to check in the labs."

Teyla tried to think of some way to keep Rodney there when he started to push himself upright, but John beat her to it, "Rodney, you got a minute?"

Teyla waited to see what Rodney's response would be and when he lowered himself back down, albeit reluctantly, she smiled and left with, "I will see you both tomorrow." She hoped that her two friends got things straightened out. She thought she knew what Rodney's problem was, having seen the surreptitious looks he stole at John. John though, she didn't know what he might have in mind to fix things. He was an infuriating man, she thought, sometimes so easy to read and others, completely opaque, not giving her anything to work with. This was such an occasion, but Teyla decided that his obvious desire to mend their friendship boded well.

*~*

John hadn't moved when Rodney sat back down, and he wasn't moving now. He wasn't even looking at Rodney, but he could see the man fidgeting in the corner of his eye. Rodney wasn't looking at him either.

After a few moments, just as it looked like Rodney would explode or leave, John murmured, "This isn't working, is it?"

Rodney's head shot round at that and John could see him getting a retort ready. He also saw Rodney swallow it and a look of defeat take over his expression. "Not so much, no," he admitted.

"It's not a crush, is it?" John asked in that same soft murmur.

Rodney shook his head minutely, looking even more defeated, "Not so much, no," he said once again.

John dredged up a small smirk at the repetition, but his heart wasn't really in it, especially when Rodney started talking again, "I'm really sorry, Major. I'll understand if you want me off your team--"

Frowning, John cut in before Rodney could say anything else idiotic. "Kiss me again, Rodney."

Rodney's words choked to a stop and he stared mutely at John. John didn't blame him; he was surprised himself.

Nearly a minute passed before Rodney found his voice again, "What?!" he squawked.

John took a deep breath. Now was his chance to take it back…but he found that he didn't really want to. "You heard me," he said, raising an eyebrow in slight challenge.

Rodney stared blankly at the wall and John tried to imagine what was going through his head. He suspected it partly involved 'Oh my god, yes!', but that a large part of Rodney was trying to figure out the angles, figure out what John was up to. Judging by his next words, he didn't think John was up to anything good. "Oh, and you think if I kiss you it'll all go away? How far will you go, hmm? You think a pity fuck will be enough?" His voice had been rising with each word until he practically yelled the last.

John flinched, at the volume and the vocabulary. Rodney looked pleased with himself, which irritated John a lot and made his scowl that much fiercer. "Jesus, Rodney, I'm trying to be serious here. Will you just give me a minute to explain?"

Rodney snorted, "Oh, this should be good."

"Thank you. Okay, you're going to have to bear with me here as I've not really planned this," he scowled at Rodney's snort, but then took a few moments to gather his thoughts.

"Right, okay. First off, I really need you to believe me that I'm not angry or disgusted that you have feelings for me beyond friendship. Can you do that?" he stared earnestly at Rodney, waiting for the other man to stop staring anywhere but at him. Eventually Rodney met his eyes and stared back briefly before nodding.

"Yeah, okay, I believe you. I don't know _why_ you don't hate me, but I believe you."

"I really don't hate you, Rodney, and I don't like seeing you hurting because of me. I've never had any romantic interest in a guy before, but I'm open minded."

"Great, so you want to experiment. Having a mid-life crisis? Little early don't you think?"

"Dammit, Rodney! Will you just stop? Please." John tried not to get too exasperated, knowing that it was just Rodney's defence mechanisms kicking in, but _god_!

Chastised, Rodney muttered, "Right, yes. Sorry. Please carry on."

"Thank you. _God!_ As I was saying, I'm open minded, Rodney, and I like you. I realised just how much time I spend with you once you started avoiding me. It made me see that I'm always searching you out, going to the labs, meeting you in the mess for meals, dragging you out of the labs for socialising. And I also realised how much of that socialising is just the two of us. Sure, we have the team nights, but we spend a lot of evenings just the two of us and I'm comfortable with that. I like that quiet time where I can be myself. I don't have to hide with you, and I didn't realise that before, really."

Rodney stared at John. "You…you're serious, aren't you?" he asked dazedly.

"Yes, I am," John replied.

"But what about your career?"

"We're cut off from Earth, so there's no one to court martial me; besides, the SGC picks open-minded people and the fight against the Wraith has made us too reliant on each other to let something like this get out of hand. I don't think we should shout it from the rooftops, but I wouldn't hide you away like a dirty secret, either.

"This is the offer, Rodney. I'm willing to give you what I can, but I can't guarantee how much that will be. I love you as a best friend, I don't have the urge to run off and do uber-macho stuff to prove my manliness and I love sex- though I don't get anywhere near as much as you seem to think. You'll just have to go slow and be understanding about any little freak-outs I might have. Is that going to be enough?"

Rodney stared at John, who stared back, completely open. He hoped Rodney would realise what a rarity that was. John really was much more open with him than anyone else and now he was letting Rodney see everything: The slight trepidation, the courage and determination, the concern for Rodney and their friendship. Would Rodney get that?

*~*

'I can work with this,' Rodney thought, 'If I'm careful, I can have him eating out of my hand and wondering how he ever survived without this.' Decision made, Rodney scooted into the space Aiden had left, glad they were already on the bed and wouldn't have to move.

Rodney was on John's right and he reached over to grip John's left shoulder and urge him to turn to face Rodney. Once John had done so, Rodney moved in, slow and steady, until his face was mere inches from John's. Staring into the beautiful hazel eyes, with their flecks of green and gold, Rodney said, "Are you certain, John? Because, if we do this, I'm going to do everything in my power to keep you."

He stared into John's eyes, letting the other man finally see all his love, lust and desire focused on him. He was gratified by the small hitch in John's breathing and by the expanding black of John's pupils swallowing the hazel irises. John nodded mutely, apparently unable to find his voice.

Rodney beamed in relieved delight. A plan was already forming, but he had to test a few things first. He had the idea that John would be incredibly sensual and responsive to touch, despite his habitual distance from people. If that was the case, Rodney knew all the best ways to touch someone and he hoped he could get John addicted to that and then Rodney could build on it and ease John into things. With this in mind he moved those final, crucial, inches until his lips pressed gently against John's.

He kept his eyes open and locked on John's, watching for the slightest hesitation. He saw none, though John's mouth remained unresponsive against his for the first few seconds until Rodney swiped his tongue along John's lips. John's eyes widened and he gasped slightly, enough that Rodney could deepen the kiss.

He was still watching John, so he saw the moment John let go as well as felt it. John's eyelids slowly slid down until his eyes were only half open and, at the same time, his tongue moved tentatively to touch Rodney's own. Rodney smiled against John's lips and moved his right hand to the back of John's neck, allowing him to add more force to the kiss.

He kept it steady though, exploring John's mouth and taste, coaxing John's tongue into his own mouth to return the experience. He felt John's hand rest lightly on his thigh, which he'd drawn up when they moved to face one another. He could feel the heat as John's fingertips all but burnt through his trousers. In response, Rodney moved the hand on John's neck higher and started gently massaging John's scalp. His reward was a small moan and the hand on his leg flexing.

*~*

Rodney's hand in his hair jolted John's brain back into some sort of gear and he remembered that he knew how to kiss, that he wasn't a complete virgin here and that he could certainly give Rodney as good as he was getting. He shifted so that he was closer to Rodney, running the hand on his thigh up to his waist and resting it there, while bringing his other hand up to Rodney's jaw. This allowed him to hold Rodney's head still and take control of the kiss for a while. He was determined to find what made Rodney moan.

It wasn't until they broke apart a minute later that John found what he was looking for. Needing to breathe, but not wanting to stop, both men started nibbling, kissing and licking their way across the other's jaw. When John reached the spot where jaw meets ear and licked, Rodney moaned. John grinned and set about pushing Rodney out of his mind, licking, nibbling, kissing the spot and alternating with sucking and nibbling Rodney's earlobe.

*~*

"John," Rodney gasped. He was close to losing control and he didn't want that, didn't want to risk pushing John too soon, so he sought a spot that would distract John and found it when he reached the junction of neck and shoulder. Nibbling and licking got a moan, but a slightly harder bite had John groaning and dropping his head to the side to give Rodney better access, completely lost in the sensation and forgetting what he'd been doing to Rodney.

Rodney's mind was awhirl. There was always a part of him working on projects and experiments and working out equations, but it was now joined by a small part that had become a twelve-year-old girl, stuck in a loop of 'oh my God, I'm kissing John!' A large part was given over to the enjoyment and pleasure, the taste and feel of John's mouth and skin, the feel of John's hair against his fingers.

There was also that analytical portion of his brain at work, collecting data and adding it to his plan to keep John wanting more; which was already starting to work. As Rodney had suspected, John was reacting well to the little touches. He'd also been pleased to note how John had escalated things a little when Rodney had held himself to the single hand in John's hair. Now it was Rodney's turn again.

John's move had left him almost straddling Rodney, it wouldn't take much to complete the move, but Rodney wanted to make John do it. With that in mind, still working on John's neck, he moved his free hand to John's back and started alternately running his fingers up and down John's spine and rubbing circles over his shoulder blades. He didn't add much pressure, just enough to make John arch into the touch like a giant cat. He was amused to hear John make a small noise in the back of his throat that could easily be mistaken for a purr. 'Good job I like cats,' he thought.

*~*

It was maddening, John thought. Rodney kept holding back, barely touching him, only enough to make him desperate for more. The hand on his back was sending little jolts of pleasure along his spine, but it wasn't enough. John needed to show Rodney that he wasn't fragile, wouldn't break if Rodney touched him harder.

With that in mind, John refocused on Rodney's mouth, kissing him deeply. He leant in towards Rodney so that he could knead the other man's back. The sensations dragged a moan from Rodney and that, in turn, had John melting against him, chest to chest. It was an uncomfortable position though; John's back and neck curved just a bit too much the wrong way, so he shuffled forwards to ease the tension. He abstractedly noticed the feel of Rodney's thighs along the inside of his own, but didn't really realise he was in Rodney's lap until their erections rubbed together for the first time. He gasped into the kiss, Rodney swallowing the noise, then pulled away.

He didn't go far, only enough that he could stare down, wide eyed, at their groins. They were both panting heavily and Rodney gave him a hungry look before asking, "Freaking out?"

John didn't look up. "Not really, no. It's just…weird," he said.

"But good, right?" Rodney asked, sounding hesitant.

Hearing the uncertainty, John looked up and met Rodney's eyes as he carefully made a tiny thrust against him. "Yeah, it's good," he gasped, eyelids dropping half shut.

Rodney's hands clenched where they still held John's neck and back. He let out a moan, "Yeah, good," and pulled slightly making John sway back in for another kiss, moving his arms up to rest on Rodney's shoulders.

Suddenly he pulled away again. "Ow!" he hissed.

"Ow?" Rodney asked in an alarmed tone.

"Yeah, cramp," John said through gritted teeth, eyes scrunched shut.

"Crap!" Rodney exclaimed. He pushed John unceremoniously off his lap and onto his back. "Carson's going to kill me if I break you when he's nearly done fixing you."

He took hold of John's left ankle and pulled the leg straight, then started to massage the thigh muscles, digging his fingers into the tense knots. "Damn," he said, "this must have been hurting for a while." He shot John an accusing glare.

"A little," John admitted, "but I was kinda caught up in things."

"Idiot," Rodney said with fond exasperation. John just groaned when Rodney's fingers found a particularly tight spot.

After a minute or so John relaxed as Rodney's ministrations did the job. "Thanks," he murmured.

Rodney smacked his good leg. "Just don't make me do it again." He leant over John and ran a hand through the unruly hair before taking John's face in both hands and kissing him lightly. "I'm going to go now," he said.

"What? But we've just gotten started," John exclaimed. "It's not because of my leg is it? Because that feels better now."

*~*

Rodney liked the slight note of panic in John's voice, pleased that it was because Rodney was going, rather than because he wasn't. That was another sign that boded well. "I know, but I think it's enough for you to reflect on."

"But--" John sputtered, but Rodney interrupted him with,

"You said I had to be understanding about any freak-outs you might have, but the way I see it, if I'm careful, you won't have any freak-outs for me to be understanding of. Besides, you wanted slow."

"Well yeah, but isn't it up to me to know what I'm comfortable with?" John pouted.

It was such a cute pout- though Rodney would take that thought to the grave with him- and he just had to lean down again to kiss and lick those beautiful lips. He pulled back finally, though he didn't go far, just far enough that he could look into John's eyes without going cross-eyed. "There's such a thing as delayed reaction, John. I don't want things to go too far tonight and you wake up regretting it tomorrow. And trust me; if I don't go now, I'm not going to be able to hold myself back from just ravishing you."

John stared into his eyes for a moment, before nodding slightly, apparently seeing the truth of it. Then he smiled, "Ravishing?" he said. "Do people still do that?"

This time, Rodney pulled away and swatted at John's shoulder. "You know what I mean," he said.

"Hey, that hurt. I demand you kiss it better." This time, John added puppy dog eyes to his pout. Rodney sighed theatrically and bent over to once more devour John's mouth.

Minutes later he sat back, both men panting. "That wasn't where you hit me," John pointed out with a smirk.

"You're complaining?" Rodney asked.

"No, not really," John admitted.

"Didn't think so. Now, I'm off and I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe we can try this again…without so many clothes." He started to rise from the bed, but John sat part way up and snagged Rodney by the back of the neck, dragging him down for a final short, hard kiss.

"I'd like that," he said. "See you tomorrow."

Rodney reluctantly dragged himself from the room, only his plan keeping him moving away from John.

*~*

John watched him leave and then flopped back down on the bed to stare at the ceiling for a while. He'd just felt another man's erection for the first time, and what's more, he'd had an answering one of his own. This deserved a little reflecting time in John's opinion.

"Teasing bastard," he said eventually, though it was said with no real rancour and through a huge grin. So far, John wasn't regretting his decision to offer Rodney more than friendship.

He lifted his head and stared down his body to the still-tented front of his sweats, deciding to take care of the problem in the shower. He hauled himself off the bed and stood staring at his crutches indecisively. It was only a few steps to his bathroom, but Carson really would go berserk if he damaged himself. After a moment he compromised and picked up one crutch before hobbling to his dresser for a clean t-shirt and sweats.

He thought the shower on as he set the clean clothes on the toilet lid and leant his crutch against the wall. Next he shucked his clothes and stepped under the stream of water. His cock ached pleasantly and John decided to draw it out, reaching for the shampoo and washing his hair before soaping his body.

Once John was clean he settled his back against the tiles and braced his good leg. It would kill the mood if his bad leg gave out and he ended up in a heap on the shower floor. Satisfied, John got a bit more soap and lathered his right hand before slowly dragging his fingers down his abdomen and taking hold of his cock. His left hand came up to play with his nipples, slowly circling a fingertip round each one.

Moaning a little, he started to stroke his hand up and down, lightly at first. He started recalling the kisses he and Rodney had shared and felt himself getting harder. He started moving his hand quicker and added some squeezing to the proceedings. His left hand started pinching and stroking his nipples until they were hard peaks. John was moaning now, his hand moving quicker still as his thoughts followed the increasing intensity of the kisses. He started adding a twist of his wrist as he reached the head of his cock, pressing his thumb into the slit before dragging his tight hand back down.

He slid his left hand down his body to start playing with his balls, gently rolling and tugging them. Breathing in harsh pants now, interspersed with moans and groans, John gave one final hard tug and squeeze and came hard, gasping out Rodney's name.

He leant heavily against the tiled wall, head tilted back to rest against it too. He had to lock the knee of his good right leg as he felt himself sliding downwards a little. He stayed there until his panting and heart rate started to return to normal and the water started to cool down. He was surprised, but in a good way, just how hard he'd come to thoughts of Rodney.

He forced himself out of the shower and quickly dried off, pulled on the clean clothes and then limped to his bed, where he lay down and promptly passed out.

*~*

Rodney couldn't get back to his room quick enough. He didn't want to risk anyone trying to talk to him- and seeing him with his current Cheshire cat grin would guarantee people asking if he was okay- so he plastered on his most fearsome scowl. He also forced himself to walk quickly, rather than make a mad dash that was sure to draw the very attention he wanted to avoid.

He sighed in relief as his door slid shut behind him and he leant against it, not even sure how he'd made it to his room without the sensation of cloth rubbing on his sensitive cock setting him off. 'It's a good job I'm only a few doors away from John,' he thought. As it was, he couldn't even wait long enough to get his clothes off, simply fumbling his zipper and button open and pulling his aching cock through the hole in his boxers. He barely touched himself, just one up and down stroke, before he was coming hard, with a loud moan, the long imagined fantasies-become-fact enough to send him sliding down the door to his knees, head hanging heavily forward, chin against chest. His hand was still curled round his now softening cock.

Rodney panted through the aftershocks until he could lift his head again, then he looked down at his come-covered hand and clothes. 'Looks like it's shower time,' he thought with a chuckle. He dragged himself into his bathroom and washed quickly, before dressing in fresh clothes and throwing his dirty ones in the hamper.

He was far too wired to sleep, even after his shattering orgasm, so he decided to look for Carson. He was bursting to tell someone about his new status with John, and Carson was the only one he could tell. He walked to Carson's room, only a few doors away from his own, but there was no reply.

Instead, Rodney made his way to the infirmary, not surprised that Carson was still hard at work. The man worked almost as long as he himself did, despite Carson always berating Rodney for said long hours. Sure enough, Rodney peeked into Carson's office to find the man lost in various charts and folders.

"Carson, can I drag you away from your chicken entrails for a minute or two?"

Carson jumped slightly, having been engrossed in the results of one of his experiments. Looking up, he was confronted by one slightly manic looking Rodney McKay. "Sure, lad, what can I do for you?"

Rodney thought Carson's door shut and locked before throwing himself into the visitor's chair and grinning at Carson over his desk. "I kissed John again," he announced.

Carson's eyebrow lifted in surprise, but then it swooped back down and took the other with it into a scowl. "Rodney," he started, in a censuring tone.

Hearing it, Rodney flapped his hand in a negative gesture. "No, no, no. It's okay, Carson, it was John's idea this time."

This time Carson's eyebrows both flew upwards. "It was?" he asked faintly.

"Yes. And to think I almost wasn't going to stay and talk to the man! It was movie night, you see, and both Aiden and Teyla left early. I was going to go too, but John said we needed to talk."

"And did you? Because your last attempt didn't really fix things," Carson reminded.

"I know, which is why I wasn't keen on staying, but John looked so good with the pout that I had to give in. Very weak-willed, I know, but there it is."

"And he just said he wanted to kiss you?"

"Well, no. There was some deep and meaningful first. He made me confess to having more than a crush on him, and we agreed that the current situation wasn't working. Then he said that he wanted me to kiss him again. I didn't do it straight away, though; there may have been some scathing remarks first."

" _May_ have been?" Carson interrupted.

"Okay, fine, I _did_ say some scathing things, about not wanting to be an experiment for him, or a pity fuck. He convinced me that this was neither of those things and we kissed. A lot."

"So, he's suddenly in love with you too?" Carson asked, sounding doubtful. Rodney wondered what, if anything, John had confided in him and wondered what it would take to get Carson to spill.

"Ah, well, no. But he was very honest, said he didn't know if he'd ever be able to return my feelings fully, but that he loved me as a friend and he'd give me what he could. He said it was up to me to decide if that was enough. I decided it was."

"Are you sure it's a good idea, Rodney? Is it better to have never had a taste of what you want, or to get that taste and then find that John can't give you anymore, just enough so that you know what you're missing?" Carson sounded worried.

Rodney scowled, wanting to be irritated by Carson's doubt, but he knew it was only out of his friendship, that Carson worried for him. "I know it sounds crazy, Carson, like I'm opening myself up for a world of hurt and I gave it serious thought, believe me. But you didn't see him, Carson. You didn't see how into it he was, how responsive to my slightest touch. As long as I don't push him, I know I can get John to love me back."

"And what about his career? Can you live with being hidden behind closed doors?"

"I asked the same thing- I really didn't jump into this with my eyes closed you know, Carson. He said that it probably wasn't a good idea to shout it from the rooftops, but that he wasn't going to hide me away either."

Carson met Rodney's eyes and assessed him for a few moments- looking for any signs of doubt, Rodney supposed. He wouldn't find any; Rodney truly believed that it was only a matter of time. He knew Carson would be thinking about his less than stellar track record with people- he may be a genius, but he was pretty clueless with people. Still, surely Carson didn't believe that John would string Rodney along? Finally he said, "Well then, I'm happy for you both, Rodney." Rodney beam at him and Carson grinned back.

"Thanks, Carson. I'm going to head back to my room for some sleep now. I didn't think I'd be able to shut my brain off without telling you the news. I'll leave you to your chicken scratchings. Night, Baron Samedi."

He smirked and then ducked out of the door just as Carson chucked his pencil at him.

*~*

John found the next day dragging on. With no missions until his leg was healed, and no sparring with Teyla for the same reason, he had seemingly endless hours of paperwork stretching out in front of him. Admittedly the monotony was interrupted occasionally by the joy that was mission planning with Elizabeth, but John found that that wasn't nearly so much fun when he wasn't going to be going on any of the planned missions. And as if that wasn't bad enough, he couldn't stop thinking about Rodney either.

He'd woken that morning and lay staring at the ceiling, waiting to see if he was going to freak out. He didn't, instead he found himself grinning hugely. He was still surprised that he'd made the offer, but he was looking forward to what might happen next. He spent maybe half an hour just thinking about Rodney- the man, about how blue his eyes were and how long his lashes. Things that he would appreciate in a woman too, so that wasn't a big surprise. What was more of a shock was that he wasn't missing breasts. John normally liked breasts, they were soft and you could get a good handful. Still, John found that he wasn't bothered that Rodney's little softness was located elsewhere than his chest. It remained to be seen what he would do when confronted with a naked Rodney, but he'd seen his own genitals many times and had been in communal showers pretty much since he started school, so he wasn't too concerned. He was actually quite excited when he thought about it.

After lunch, which John dragged out for as long as possible, he decided to give up on the paperwork for the day. He had no more meetings scheduled either and seeing as he was thinking about Rodney so much, John decided he might as well track the man down and see if he needed a hand switching any artefacts on.

With that in mind he activated his comm., "Sheppard to McKay."

" _What can I do for you, Major?_ " came the response a moment later.

"I'm bored and just thought I'd see if there was anything you needed me to turn on." He emphasised the 'turn on' bit a little and smirked when he could almost hear Rodney's eye roll at the lame entendre.

*~*

Rodney did indeed want John to join him, but felt he ought to offer up at least some of his usual snark. "Oh, I see. Your tiny brain can't entertain itself, so you need to come bother me and delay my brilliant theories from being proven. I'm a genius you know, not your personal entertainment."

He smiled when John all but whined, " _Come on, Rodney, help a guy out. If I do one more piece of paperwork, I just know that my brain's gonna start melting out of my ears_."

"God. You'd better get down here then, there's no way you can afford to lose any of your brain cells; there aren't enough to start off with."

He grinned again at John's indignant, " _Hey!_ "

"I'm in the new lab we found on the east pier. See you in a few minutes."

" _Well, I don't know whether I want to come give you a hand now you've insulted me._ "

"Please! I'm always insulting you."

" _True. I'll be there in a few._ "

Rodney's smile grew wider and he hurriedly tried to engross himself in his work once more so as not to seem too eager to see John when he arrived.

About five minutes later, Rodney heard the door slide open and the distinctive noise of a crutch hitting the floor. He turned to find John leaning on a bench a few feet away.

"Hey," John greeted.

"Hey," Rodney replied.

They stood smiling and staring at each other for a minute or so before Rodney snorted in rueful exasperation, "Oh god, we've turned into teenage girls! Can we just do away with the whole shy thing now, please?"

"Fair enough," John said. He stepped forward, propped his crutch against the table next to Rodney, grabbed the scientist's jacket and yanked him in for a smouldering kiss.

Rodney only had time to squeak, though he was convinced he hadn't _really_ made such an undignified noise. Then he stopped worrying about it, concentrating instead on the wonderful sensations of the kiss; the heat of John's mouth, his taste. He duelled tongues with John, letting John keep control of the kiss; sighing contentedly and feeling John smile against his lips.

Eventually, Rodney pulled back a little, surprised to find he'd wrapped his arms round John's waist without conscious thought. "So, no freaking out so far then?" he said with a grin.

"Not really, no," John agreed, mirroring Rodney's smile.

Rodney's brain started to kick back into gear and he said, "Only one crutch? Has Carson cleared you then?"

"Not yet, no," John admitted.

"John, you know he'll go mad if he finds you've taken the decision yourself, even if he is planning on taking you down to one today. He'll probably keep you on two, just for spite."

"So don't tell him then," John said, "I'll make it worth your while."

"Well that's all very well and good, but what about everyone else who might see you? I certainly won't let you make it worth their whiles. You're mine!"

"Getting a little possessive there, Rodney?" John said.

"You mind?" Rodney asked, his tone becoming a little unsure.

John considered for a moment and then smiled softly, "Actually, I don't."

Rodney's smile returned full force and he pulled John in for another passionate kiss, this time controlling it himself, angling John's head for the best sensations, mapping John's teeth and palette. His hands smoothed over John's shoulders and down his back. Rodney's intention was to grasp John's ass and pull him in tighter, but as soon as his fingers slipped past the small of John's back, Rodney felt him tense slightly.

Being a genius, Rodney could think at lightening speed. He did so now, taking only nanoseconds to assimilate John's tension and turn his movement into something safer. He went with pulling John's t-shirt out of his waistband and running his hands back up to John's shoulders, this time underneath the fabric. John didn't even have time to really register his unconscious tensing up, Rodney having kept up the kissing, knowing that pulling back would draw unwanted attention to it.

John moaned into the kiss and made his own foray into the world of skin on skin, pulling Rodney's shirt free of his BDUs and running his hands over the scientist's stomach and chest. He found Rodney's nipples and started playing with them when Rodney gasped at the first touch. He rubbed and rolled them until they were hard little peaks.

Reluctantly they were forced to pull back through lack of oxygen. John leant his forehead against Rodney's and smiled. Rodney smiled back and said, "So, what's you're verdict on skin to skin?" He punctuated the question by lightly running the fingers of his right hand down John's spine.

John shivered slightly and his breath caught. "Chest hair and no breasts is a little different," he said, "but nipples seem to work the same." And with that, he pinched one of Rodney's in retaliation for the fingers down his back. Rodney sucked in a breath and pushed against John's hand. "Yep, definitely work the same," John said.

They stood leaning against each other for several minutes. John moved his head to Rodney's shoulder and absently lipped at the bit of neck and shoulder available without moving. Rodney hadn't moved his hand back up after he'd stroked John's spine, instead he'd rested it lightly in the small of John's back. Now he started a gentle movement with his fingertips, just making random, but soothing, patterns on John's skin. He kept the touch light and above John's waistband, hoping to gradually acclimate John's body to his touch, wanting to avoid another tensing.

After a short while, Rodney's mind finally caught up to the fact that they were still in the lab. Reluctantly he pulled back.

"Hey, 'm comf'table," John murmured. Rodney was pleased to learn that his gentle stroking had had John on the brink of sleep. He'd always assumed that John would enjoy being touched, but a good scientist always wanted proof of a hypothesis, and it seemed that this was another bit of data to add to his collection.

Nevertheless, they needed to take this somewhere else. "Sorry, but we're in the middle of the lab and should really go back to one of our rooms before someone comes in."

John frowned at him, still adorably sleepy (though Rodney was keeping that to himself) "I said I wasn't going to hide you away," he pointed out.

"Yes, but you also said you wanted to be discrete and anyone could walk in here. There's no way you could convince someone that this is anything other than what it is."

"It's the middle of the night, Rodney. Everyone else is sane enough to have packed up for the evening."

"Major, you're talking about _scientists_. They may be a bunch of morons, but that doesn't stop them having theories suddenly pop into their heads at all times of the day or night, which they have to start experiments and tests on immediately. Besides, why are we even arguing about going back to a room with a bed in it?"

Rodney could see that John had been working on a come back about the likelihood of anyone showing up to start an experiment, but his final comment brought John up short and he said, "Yeah, okay, that's a good point. Let's go."

Rodney grinned smugly and handed John his crutch before leading the way out of the lab and to the nearest transporter.

*~*

 

The transporter took them closest to John's room, so that's where they headed as fast as John could manage. Being so late, there was no one about to waylay them, which was good.

When the door slid shut behind the two men, Rodney stepped into John's personal space and said, "So, where were we?"

John pretended to consider for a moment, then replied with, "Oh, about here I reckon." As he spoke he pulled his standard black, long-sleeved t-shirt over his head and dropped it carelessly to the floor by their feet.

Rodney took a step back so that he could admire the view. He'd seen John's naked torso before, of course, but he'd been a bit too preoccupied with their jumper being stuck in the gate and, oh yes, John being _dead_ , to be able to appreciate the sight. There were no such distractions now though, and Rodney felt his mouth going dry as he stared at the lean musculature and the nipples peeking out from the cover of John's dark chest hair. John's dog tags glinted softly where they hung between John's nipples.

It took Rodney's lust-addled brain a few precious seconds to remember that he was close enough to touch, but he eventually caught up and reached a hand out. Starting with his fingertips in the hollow of John's throat, Rodney slowly dragged his palm down through the soft hair until his fingers tangled in the tag chain. There he paused. Those tags were a very real reminder of what John was risking by being with him and Rodney felt compelled to make sure John had thought it through.

He glanced up and met John's eyes. John wore a softer version of his usual smirk, probably amused and flattered that Rodney had yet to say anything. But Rodney also detected just a hint of nervousness too. "Are you really sure you want to do this?" he asked. He gave the tags still in his hand a small tug, knowing that John would catch his meaning.

Sure enough, John got it and frowned. "I thought we'd discussed this already, Rodney. I wouldn't be taking this risk if I wasn't sure; though I'm convinced it's not actually all that much of a risk while we're cut of from Earth."

Rodney kept eye contact a moment longer, then, satisfied, said, "Okay." He grinned at John and then used his hold on the chain to tug John the last few inches that separated them and into a searing kiss. John's arms came round him and he completely melted against Rodney, who nearly staggered as he took the extra weight. John might be lean, but what there was of him was heavy muscle mass. Still, Rodney was far too pleased by his affect on John to worry about the crippling back problems just around the corner…well, not much anyway.

One of John's hands stroked down Rodney's back until it could get to the hem of Rodney's shirt. He tugged insistently until Rodney pulled back enough to remove the offending garment. Now it was John's turn to stare for a few moments. Rodney's chest was lightly dusted with hair and, when John trailed his fingertips down to Rodney's abdomen, he found that there were firm muscles; much firmer than he'd expected. Obviously the missions they went on were doing Rodney some good.

John's gaze moved back up to Rodney's nipples, already peaked. He tentatively pressed a fingertip to one of the little points and Rodney gasped, pressing his chest into the too light touch. "Sensitive," John muttered, looking so intent that Rodney was willing to bet he didn't even realise he'd spoken out loud.

Rodney decided to help him out a bit and said, "Yeah, definitely sensitive. But not fragile. Anything you would do to a woman's nipples will work here too."

John glanced up. "Yeah?" he asked. Rodney nodded and John refocused his gaze for a moment before leaning in and licking his right nipple while moving his hand to rub and pinch the left. Rodney moaned and John's touches grew more confident.

John switched sides and Rodney groaned, "Oh god."

John looked up through his eyelashes and asked huskily, "Yeah?" again.

"Oh yeah. Let's move this to the bed and I'll prove it to you."

John stood up and grinned. "Good plan."

"Of course it is; I had it. And this time we're going to lie down. I don't want us to be interrupted by cramp again," Rodney said pointedly.

In lieu of an answer, John simply moved to the bed and stretched out on his back. Rodney took a moment to admire the view, pleased to note the slight bulge in John's sweats. Seemed Rodney wasn't the only one half hard already. He doubted either of them would stay in that state for long though. He desperately wanted to straddle the lean hips, but forced himself to stretch out along John's right side instead. He propped his head on his right hand and set his left to running over John's chest, fingers carding through the soft hair, searching out any spot that made John twitch or gasp.

John took it for a minute or so before reaching up and cupping Rodney's neck, using the hold to pull him in for a deep kiss. Rodney started playing with John's nipples, alternating between the two, pinching and rubbing them. John gasped and arched up into the touch while he sucked on Rodney's tongue, which caused Rodney to moan once again.

After another minute of this, John's free hand, the one not still holding Rodney in place by the neck, started to tug at Rodney's shoulder, urging him on top, spreading his legs and then raising his knees to cradle Rodney in place above him.

Both men moaned as their now hard cocks brushed together through their trousers. Rodney pulled up and away from John a little, wanting to make sure he wasn't going to tense again, but John, using his soldier's reflexes, quickly wrapped his legs round Rodney's waist.

"Oh no, I'm not letting you leave me in this state again, McKay," he growled. "I was so hard after you left yesterday that I had to go and jerk off in the shower."

At this news Rodney's hips involuntarily thrust against John's, drawing gasps of pleasure from both men. John grinned a little ferally. "You like knowing that huh? I made myself wait, drew it out. I took it real slow, Rodney, drawing it out with light strokes, but I couldn't take it for long and I had to start jerking harder and putting in just the right twists. I came so ha--"

Rodney's hand clamped down over John's mouth and his lust-darkened eyes, which John had watched get darker and more lidded as he spoke, were wild as he hissed, "God. Shut up or I'm going to come right now!"

John grinned against his palm and then licked the skin, causing Rodney's eyes to fly wide open and his hips to thrust again. He said urgently, "If you make me come in my pants, I swear I'll…I'll…well, I'll think of something you won't like."

"What's the matter, Rodney? Sex make your brain shut down?" John teased.

"Right. That's it!" Rodney was going to get revenge on John, see how he liked it. He pulled back as much as he could with John's legs still clamped round him and wormed a hand down between them, grasping his cock through his trousers. John stilled and Rodney cursed himself for forgetting to take it slow. He looked up at John's face but didn't move his hand yet. "Okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, just…I've got another man's hand on my dick," John said roughly.

"Your dick doesn't seem to mind," Rodney pointed out, giving the still hard cock a gentle squeeze.

John made a sexy little noise in the back of his throat and his hips bucked up. "No, I guess it doesn't," he gasped.

"Want to get naked?" Rodney asked, really preferring not to come in his pants if it could be avoided.

John thought about it a moment, staring into Rodney's eyes. He obviously saw what he was looking for because he nodded and slid his legs back to the bed. Rodney scrambled off him with a slightly undignified haste, quickly pulling off John's running shoes and sweat pants, before getting to work on his own. His fingers fumbled with the button, but he managed to beat it and shuck his trousers. That left them both in boxers and Rodney put a hand on the waist of John's, while raising an enquiring eyebrow.

*~*

John took a breath and nodded. It wasn't like he'd never had sex and been seen naked, so he could do this with Rodney. It wasn't a big deal he told himself, and Rodney would be naked too. That thought had John's mouth watering even as it made him feel nervous. Still, Rodney couldn't, wouldn't, hurt him…and then John stopped thinking about it at all, too caught up in getting his first view of an erection that wasn't his own.

It really wasn't the most attractive part of anatomy, all veined and flushed, but John was surprised to note that he thought it looked beautiful. "Oh god," he moaned.

"John?"

"Get back here," John replied, urgently. "I'm not freaking, I'm admiring."

*~*

"Oh, okay then." Rodney said brightly as he settled back next to John. He saw John frown and said, "It's easier to touch on our sides," by way of explanation as to why he hadn't climbed back on top.

John's face cleared. "Yeah, okay."

And touch they did, easing into it by resuming the earlier playing with nipples, exchanging deep kisses. Rodney held back- with a Herculean effort that impressed himself- until John made the first foray below the waist, still managing to stick to his plan to always leave John wanting more.

Thankfully he didn't have to wait too long before John's hand slowly slid from his nipple, down his lightly furred chest and abdomen and into his pubic hair. At this point John pulled back from the kiss. Rodney was going to protest until he saw the look of awed concentration on John's face as he stared down between their bodies at what his hand was doing.

The first touch to Rodney's erection was tentative and light…and alone. Rodney watched John's face; he didn't appear to be freaking, but after a few moments of John doing nothing, Rodney prompted, "John?"

John glanced up and gave a wry grin. "Sorry, it's just that I got to 37 without ever thinking about touching another man's cock. I'm waiting for the world to tilt off its axis or something."

Rodney snorted and pointed out, "You got to 37 without thinking you'd be living in the lost city of Atlantis, in a completely different galaxy and fighting energy-sucking vampires, too. And that surely eclipses a little bit of gayness in the world tilting stakes. So, if we could get back to the sex, my dick would be eternally grateful." He gave John a crooked grin.

John grinned back, saying, "Why, Rodney, you old romantic, you." He took his hand from Rodney's cock to splay the fingers over his heart in a blushing virgin pose.

"Agh! Put that hand back right now, Sheppard!" Rodney demanded.

John's grin only widened, but he complied, returning his hand to Rodney's erection and this time getting a firmer grip. Rodney sighed and pulled John in for a kiss before sliding his own hand down to take hold of John.

John's response was another of those sexy little noises in the back of his throat that Rodney was certain he could get addicted to and his hips bucking into Rodney's grip. His hand instinctively tightened round Rodney too and Rodney groaned in response. And that was it; both men were lost in the driving need to get themselves and each other off.

Hands tightened and sped up as pre-come made the movement easier, John flung a leg over Rodney's hips to keep them close together, their tongues duelled; each taking control and then ceding it as mouths were probed in time with the furious tugs and twists to each other's cocks.

Rodney's brain came back online after what felt like hours, but was really only a few minutes later, when John pulled back from the kiss to pant harshly before starting a low keening sound, his whole body tightening against Rodney's, the rhythm of his hand on Rodney faltering. Rodney had waited so long to see John come and he stared unblinkingly for as long as he could manage, drinking in the sight of John's head arched back, eyes shut and mouth slack.

The keening noise suddenly stopped with a sigh of 'Rodney' as John came, every muscle locked tight, not even seeming to breathe for a few seconds. The sight of it, combined with hearing his name spoken like that, feeling John's grip tighten almost painfully and feeling the spread of heat between them, sent Rodney tumbling over the edge into his own shattering orgasm.

They lay slumped against each other, foreheads touching, as they both waited for their breathing to recover. Rodney opened his eyes after a few seconds to find himself staring into John's hazel ones. He watched as John's expression became faintly perplexed and he drew away slightly.

"John?" he queried, still to lethargic to manage a good worry.

"I just noticed how beautiful your eyes are," John admitted. "How did I never notice that before?"

Rodney blushed at the compliment, but was happy that his general, all over, after-sex flush, hid it. He fell back on teasing and snark to cover his pleasure. "I have no idea, Major. And you call yourself a soldier. I thought soldiers were supposed to be observant."

John smiled and his expression grew soft and Rodney knew that John had seen right through his bluster. There really was no hope of ever cowing John with his razor-sharp tongue now.

He belatedly noticed the stickiness and groaned.

"What?" John asked, looking vaguely concerned.

"One of us needs to get up and fetch a cloth before we stick together," Rodney replied.

John smirked and said sweetly, "Leg injury."

Rodney scowled, but dragged himself up and into the bathroom to wet a washcloth. He wiped himself down, rinsed the cloth a little and headed back out to the bedroom to find that John had pulled back the covers on his bed and climbed in, but hadn't pulled them back over himself yet.

Rodney tossed the cloth to John, suddenly worried that he wouldn't be welcome to touch John anymore.

John watched Rodney as he cleaned himself up. He could see the tension creeping in and imagined the gears turning in Rodney's mind. It wasn't hard to imagine that Rodney was thinking of fleeing yet again. John decided a pre-emptive strike was needed. "Stay?" he questioned.

Rodney looked startled for a moment then tried to hide it under, "I don't think that's wise. What if someone saw me leaving tomorrow morning?"

"I don't care," John answered. "I said I wouldn't hide you, remember?"

Sensing that Rodney was wavering he added the deal maker, "Besides, if you stay tonight, we can have a go at blowjobs tomorrow morning."

Rodney groaned at the thought, but it seemed to do the trick as he climbed onto the bed and snuggled up to John, wrapping a possessive arm round him and pulling him half on top. John was startled for a moment, then went with it, settling his head on Rodney's shoulder and letting out a huge sigh as he relaxed into Rodney, throwing a leg over his hips and an arm round his waist. He smiled as Rodney kissed his damp hair. Both men drifted into a sated sleep moments later.

*~*

Rodney woke slowly the next morning, aware of two things. The first was that he'd managed to sleep through the night- an infrequent occurrence as his brain often woke him with a new equation or theory. The second was that something heavy was pressing him into the mattress and his right arm was numb.

He blinked his eyes open and peered down his body, only to find the view pretty much taken up by a head of dark, unruly, soft spikes. He smiled at the view and the little bit of John's lightly tanned neck, shoulder and back that stuck out above the blanket. They didn't appear to have moved at all, which explained his dead arm; John had been sleeping on top of it all night.

John's leg was still across Rodney's hips, just in the right place to add stimulation to his morning erection. He could also feel John's erection poking into his hip and it all added to his anticipation of what was to come once John woke up.

As he waited, Rodney allowed himself a few moments to revel in childish glee; John had had sex with him and not freaked out or run away. After that he turned his brain to the question of just how and where John had gotten his tan when Rodney only ever saw him in those black t-shirts, and usually long-sleeved ones at that. He got lost in a fantasy of John, naked and stretched out on a balcony, Rodney himself offering to put the sun cream on for him.

Not much later Rodney felt John stirring and started to gently stroke his side and arm with his still numb hand. He felt the moment that John woke as he tensed up for a second before relaxing back. Rodney hoped it was a soldier thing and not an 'oh god I had sex with Rodney' thing. He was mostly reassured that it was the former when John lifted his head and smiled up at Rodney sleepily. He looked incredibly cute, but Rodney was so keeping that to himself.

"Hey," John mumbled.

"Hey yourself," Rodney answered with a grin. The grin faltered when John started pushing himself away. "John?"

"Bathroom," was the succinct reply and Rodney relaxed again.

John took awhile in the bathroom, but when he finally emerged, Rodney saw that he'd washed off the remnants of last night's fun. By that time, Rodney's own bladder was demanding attention, so Rodney heaved himself up reluctantly and went to take care of business, pulling John in for a sweet kiss as the passed each other in the middle of the room.

Once he emerged, cleaned and anticipating, John said, "You could've just come in with me. Would've saved time."

"I wasn't sure if we were at that stage in our relationship yet," Rodney defended a little tentatively.

John smiled, "Hello? Military. I've been seeing guys naked pretty much forever. And, oh god, you're rubbing off on me," he remarked about his snarking.

"Not yet, but I will be in a minute," Rodney quipped. John let out a groan of pain as he collapsed back against the bed and flung an arm over his face.

"Hey, it wasn't that bad," Rodney defended.

"Yeah, McKay, it really was," John said, voice muffled by his arm. "Anyway, for future reference, I don't care if you need to use the bathroom while I'm in there."

Rodney was suddenly brought up short. "You mean there's going to be a future to reference?"

John lifted his arm off his face and rolled his head to the side so he could look at Rodney. "Well, yeah. What, you thought this was just a one night stand?"

"No, I just…what if you hadn't liked it and didn't want to do anything again? I've waited so long for this and I want to make it good so you don't leave, but I don't want to push you or--"

"Rodney, breathe!" John interrupted. Rodney sucked in a ragged breath and John carried on with, "Now, did I seem like I wasn't enjoying myself last night?"

"Well, no. But an orgasm is an orgasm while you're having it. You could have woken up and decided that you hated it and--" he could feel himself on the verge of hyperventilating when John interrupted him again.

"Hey, hey, Rodney. I thought I was the one we were worrying about freaking."

Rodney took a deep breath, held it for a few seconds and then let it out slowly. "Yeah, sorry. It's just that I couldn't bear the thought of losing you when I've only just got you. I'm really not very good with relationships."

"Maybe not, but I'm not the best either, and besides, I know you, remember? I'm already used to you spending half your time with your foot in your mouth." He smirked as Rodney squawked indignantly. "Now, I believe there were blowjobs on today's agenda?"

Rodney grinned, "Yes, I'm sure I remember something to that effect." He stepped up to the bed and saw a slight look of trepidation slide onto John's face. "You want me to go first, give you an example to work with?" he asked.

John's face cleared and he nodded, "Yeah, that'd be good."

"Make some space then," Rodney said as he applied light pressure to John's thighs.

John's legs parted easily and Rodney settled on his knees between them. He leant forward over John's body, braced himself with his hands by John's head, and drew him into a hungry kiss. John met him with equal force and their tongues fought for dominance until Rodney drew back, the need for air winning out in the end.

"Good Morning," John gasped, blinking dazedly.

Rodney grinned in delight, but rather than reply, he slid his lips along John's jaw line, giving little kisses, licks and nips down his neck and chest, stopping at both nipples before heading down to John's navel. He dipped his tongue in and out a few times; grinning at the noises it drew from John. He could see John's hands clenching and unclenching in the sheets and could feel light tremors running through the body below his.

"Rodney," John moaned, and Rodney moved down yet further. He smiled a little evilly before peering up to see John watching him with eyes gone completely black and lips parted. He lowered his head again and gave a strong lick up the thick vein of John's cock and then sucked the head into his mouth briefly.

John gave a hoarse shout and his hips bucked involuntarily. Rodney shifted so he could hold John's hips still and lipped his way down to John's balls. He took them into his mouth one at a time, smiling as best he could at the results he was having. John was now incoherent, words lost to an almost continuous keening noise; his eyes were screwed shut and his head thrown back. His hands were now simply clenched tight in the sheet; it wasn't being released any time soon.

Rodney enjoyed the view for a moment before deciding he'd tortured John enough. He gave another lick up the hard shaft and took it into his mouth again, but this time he took more, working his way down until he felt the head against his throat. Rodney would have loved to deep throat John, but it had been a while since he'd done it and he decided it would be better to work up to that. Instead he revelled in the taste and feel of the heavy flesh in his mouth, working his tongue as much as he could and humming to give John more sensation.

He guessed John was close when the hairy thighs fell open further and one of his hands finally let go of the sheet to card urgently through Rodney's hair instead. He sucked extra hard and was rewarded a moment later as John sobbed, "Rod--" before sound was robbed from him and his back arched up. He came silently. Rodney happily drank down all the come, still humming a little and milking John as he swallowed. The hand still in his hair tightened a little and Rodney guessed that his sucking was starting to become less pleasurable to John's over-sensitive cock.

He pulled off with a popping sound and sat back, admiring his handiwork. John looked thoroughly sated, his body sheened with sweat and his eyes almost completely closed. His chest heaved as he tried to get his breathing under control. Rodney grinned smugly, a grin that widened when John muttered, "Oh god, I'm dead. You killed me."

"Better give you the kiss of life then," he said, leaning over John to once again take his mouth in a deep kiss, sharing John's own taste with him. John gave a small moan as Rodney pulled away.

John looked completely boneless, but he managed to raise his hand and push vaguely at Rodney's shoulder. Rodney rolled over easily and John followed, ending up sprawled half on top of him. Rodney man-handled him the rest of the way on top and both men groaned as Rodney's hard, hot erection was caught against John's hard stomach. Rodney lifted his knees to cradle John between them for a moment before John pushed up onto his own knees.

Rodney watched him and saw John take a steadying breath, but before he could say anything, John was leaning over and kissing him in a mirror of Rodney's own actions. He followed the same path Rodney had; jaw, throat, chest, nipples and downwards. As John got nearer to his goal, his actions grew more tentative. It was only a very slight hesitance, but Rodney was looking for it, so he was prepared when John sat back and eyed his heavy cock with trepidation.

"John, you don't have to-" he started. He should have known that that would be the thing to get John going. The man never backed down and offering him an out was guaranteed to have the opposite effect.

' _John, you don't have to_ ,' Rodney had said. John knew he didn't have to. He wanted to. Rodney had done it for him and it was only fair to reciprocate and besides, Rodney seemed to enjoy himself. He could do this. He leant down and carefully touched the tip of his tongue to the head of Rodney's cock, tasting the pre-come there. He sat up and analysed the taste: Bitter, but not unpleasant. He glanced up at Rodney and saw him gazing back with an odd mix of concern and lust, so he gave a smile. He leant back down and took the head into his mouth feeling a little guilty that he wasn't dragging it out longer like Rodney had done for him. But he figured it was better to get the main event over before he lost his nerve.

Rodney hissed when John's mouth closed around him, so John gave a tentative suck. Rodney moaned loudly and John, encouraged, took a bit more of the hot flesh into his mouth, carefully moving downwards, sucking as he went. Rodney's moans turned to pleas and John could feel the trembling in Rodney's thighs as he fought not to buck up into John's mouth.

This bolstered John's confidence even more and he took more of Rodney in. Unfortunately his inexperience reared its head and John went too far, setting off his gag reflex. He pulled off Rodney so that he could cough, his eyes watering slightly.

"You okay, John?" Rodney asked. He propped himself on his left elbow and reached his right hand out to stroke over John's cheek, using his thumb to wipe the lone tear that had escaped.

John nodded, "Yeah, I'm okay."

Once he was sure he'd got his breathing back under control, John moved to retake Rodney's dick. Rodney stopped him, "John, really, you don't have to do this."

"I know, but I want to. It's just going to take practice, but I can't get that without doing it."

*~*

Rodney stared into his eyes for a moment, searching for something, then he nodded and lay back down, but he kept his hand on John, sliding it up to rest on the back of his neck when John moved down. Rodney could feel the tension in John and knew he wouldn't be able to do this today. Sure enough, John's gag reflex was even worse the second time, John's tension and expectation of things going wrong again working as a self fulfilling prophecy.

John looked thoroughly miserable as he pulled away coughing a second time, but he didn't try again. Instead he raised his eyes to Rodney's and said, "I'm sorry. I guess I'm not too good at this."

"John, it's your first attempt. It takes time. I promise it'll come to you, but I also promise that you don't ever have to do that if you don't want to. I won't force you." Rodney stroked his thumb over John's neck in a soothing motion.

They were both silent a moment and then John seemed to reach a decision of some sort. He straightened up and smiled at Rodney. "I'll make it up to you. You can fuck me instead."

Rodney froze in shock for a moment, then said, regretfully, "No."

John's smile turned to a look of surprised hurt, "No? But I thought that's what you wanted?"

Rodney clarified, "God, you have no idea how much I want to, but for a start, I'll never simply fuck you, I'll make love with you. There's a difference. And secondly, you aren't ready."

At this John scowled. "What do you mean I'm not ready? I've just said I want you to. I can't get much readier than that!"

Rodney could see that he was going to have to show John what he meant. "Come here," he said and gave a slight tug on John's neck. John stubbornly refused for a second, then gave in and allowed Rodney to pull him down on top of him once again. Rodney trailed the hand from John's neck down his spine to the hollow above his buttocks. Not giving John any time to think about it, Rodney pressed a finger between John's ass cheeks, careful to drag it over John's puckered hole. John gasped and his whole body tensed. Rodney removed his hand, laying it back on John's shoulder to keep him from bolting, just in case. "See? You need to be completely relaxed for me to make love to you. That's a small hole and, not to brag, but my dick is not going to fit unless it's stretched and relaxed. If we try this now it will only hurt and I won't do that. I told you right from the start that I wouldn't push you. I also won't let you push yourself to try to please me. Hurting you will not make me pleased."

John gave a defeated sigh and dropped his forehead onto Rodney's shoulder. "God. My mouth's useless, my ass is useless. I guess it's another hand job for you."

"John, listen to me. When you first started teaching me to use a gun, do you remember how utterly useless I was?"

John raised his head and looked at Rodney. "You weren't useless; you just had no idea what you were doing."

"Exactly! This is the same thing, John. You don't have any experience with this so you can't do some of it. Yet. Are you going to tell me that you were wonderful and talented your first heterosexual time?"

John grinned and looked like he was about to give a flippant reply, but then his grin faded and he shook his head. "No, I guess not."

"Well, then, this is the same thing. You didn't give up with women, I take it?"

"No."

"Well, then, you won't give up now either. But you will go slowly. I meant what I said; hurting you is not a turn on for me." Rodney waited for John to nod then said, "Good. Now, I have a way that you can get me off without giving another hand job, if you'd prefer?"

John wasn't sure what Rodney had in mind, but the man had just finished saying that he wouldn't ever hurt him, and he trusted Rodney, so he nodded and asked, "Yeah, okay. How do you want me?"

Rodney gave him a soft smile and then surprised John by rolling them so that Rodney was on top. Feeling Rodney's weight settle on top of him, pressing him into the mattress, was surprisingly hot. It was kinda exciting to know that Rodney could hold him down. Sure, John had the hand-to-hand skills and the weight difference wasn't all that much, but if Rodney wanted him to stay where he was, John would have struggled to move him without hurting him. He gazed up at Rodney and waited for whatever was next.

Rodney gave him a quick, hard kiss then sat back on his heels. The conversation had caused his erection to wilt somewhat, but John watched as Rodney gave himself a few strokes and got himself back to full hardness.

"God, that's so hot," he groaned.

Rodney grinned and then settled back on top of him. John wrapped his arms round Rodney's shoulders as Rodney once again moved in for a kiss. As their tongues duelled lazily, Rodney began moving his hips against John's, rubbing his weeping cock in the crease of John's thigh and moaning in delight. John moaned too, it was intense feeling Rodney's hard shaft rubbing against him, easing its passage with its own pre-come. John shifted and wrapped his legs round Rodney's waist making the space Rodney thrust into tighter and drawing an "Oh, god," from Rodney.

Rodney didn't return to the kiss, his breaths were coming too short now. His hips sped up and John awkwardly moved with him to add to the experience, meeting Rodney's thrusts. Suddenly Rodney stilled; his muscles all tightening up and then John felt pulsing heat against his thigh and stomach and his ears rang with Rodney's shout.

A moment later John found himself crushed under Rodney as the man collapsed, sated, onto him. Rodney panted for a few minutes but just as John was going to say something about needing to breathe, Rodney pushed himself gracelessly off to the side, his legs still tangled with John's and his face pressed into John's shoulder.

After another few moments he raised his head and grinned at John. "That was good. See? I told you I had a good idea."

Grinning at Rodney's smugness, amused that he could still manage to be smug when he was clearly wiped out from his orgasm, John agreed, "Yep, you did and it was." Then he sobered slightly. "Thanks for putting me straight back there, so to speak."

Rodney kissed his shoulder and said, "You're welcome. As long as you trust me, we'll do fine and we'll get to the big event. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm wiped. I need sleep and then coffee. And a shower." He yawned and settled his head back on John's shoulder.

John could do with a nap himself, so he pressed a kiss to the top of Rodney's head, wrapped an arm round him and allowed sleep to claim him for a while.

*~*

John woke first and was surprised to find himself content to lie there half under Rodney. His contentment faded as he thought back to his under-whelming actions of a few minutes before. He'd have to do better next time, or Rodney would leave him and look for someone more able to reciprocate. Sure, Rodney didn't seem disappointed, but someone that close to coming would say anything if it ensured they got off. It was a shock to John that he'd always assumed he'd be the one to leave this relationship; it had never occurred that Rodney might be the one to go.

"You're thinking, I can feel it from here," Rodney mumbled against John's throat. A moment later he propped up on an elbow and peered at John. "What's with the frown?" he asked as his fingers smoothed over John's brow.

"Just thinking," John evaded.

" _Yeees_ , I already established that I know that part. What about?"

"I was just thinking that I always thought I'd be the one to leave, but that I wouldn't be surprised if you left after my poor performance." John looked away from Rodney's eyes as he confessed this.

*~*

Rodney's first response was anger that John thought he was so shallow. But, for once, he managed to rein that in and respond to John's obvious insecurity with more thought. Luckily John hadn't seen the anger he was sure had flashed on his face due to his detailed inspection of the far wall.

Rodney sighed. "John, much as this newly revealed insecurity is rather sweet, and I feel privileged that you're letting me see it when you normally keep it well hidden, you really need to get over it." He smiled softly when John finally turned back to look at him. "I love you. I don't just want you for sex, I want all of you, forever if I can, so I don't care that you're inexperienced. It's kinda flattering and exciting that I turned the straight guy actually," he grinned.

John still looked a little sceptical. "But you've done all these great things to me and all I've done is give you a hand job and lay under you while you did all the work."

"Well for starters, I _liked_ doing all those things to you. Trust me, it wasn't a hardship. Secondly, you didn't just lie there under me, you got in on it, you moved and touched, and that was good. I wouldn't have come anywhere near as quickly or hard if you'd just lain there like a sack of potatoes. And lastly, you just need practice. I promise you'll get better. We all had to start somewhere, or are you trying to tell me, yet again, that you were spectacular at sex from the word go?"

John dredged up a smile at this, "Weeell," he drawled before sobering again. "It's just that, now I've made the decision to go for this, I just want to get on with it, I suppose."

Rodney thought for a moment and then hit on a way to show John that it was ok. "Ok, have you ever had a blowjob from someone who was doing it for the first time?"

John thought about it and then nodded.

"And was it your first time too?"

John shook his head, "No, I'd had a few by then." He frowned, probably trying to figure out where Rodney was going.

"Good, so: Did you help her out, give her time to get used to the sensations, or did you plunge straight in and fuck her mouth?"

John's eyes widened at that. "What? Of course I didn't do that! I took my time with her and let her go at her own pace."

"And it was fun right; knowing that you'd given her that first time, even if it was inexperienced?"

John nodded, still frowning.

"So why aren't I allowed that same feeling, hmm?" He sprang his trap on John, but John had a comeback.

"Because I'm not a teenage girl, I'm a grown man, and a soldier to boot!"

"Yes, you're a soldier, but I'm not asking you to fight hoards of Wraith here, and I know you aren't a girl- believe me, I've noticed- but you are, to all intents and purposes, a virgin, John. The more wound up you get about your supposed failures, the harder you'll find it to relax and get better. I'm not going anywhere, we've got time and I'm extremely happy to be the one to teach you. Okay?" He hoped the message would finally get through a skull that was turning out to be even thicker than he'd thought.

John stared at him a moment longer before finally nodding his head.

"Thank god!" Rodney exclaimed before leaning in and taking John's mouth in a deep, sensuous kiss. John moaned into it and Rodney pulled away. "No time to take this any further. We need to shower and get to work."

Suddenly Rodney realised how late it was. "Damn, I'd hoped to get out of here earlier," he muttered.

"What? Why?" John almost yelped. He'd been lying on his back for the conversation so far, but this had him pushing up onto his elbows.

Realising that he was close to undoing all his hard work on John's confidence, Rodney quickly said, "Just that I wanted to avoid being seen leaving here."

It was the wrong thing to say and John's face darkened. "So, you're ashamed?"

"What? No! John, stop being such a moron. We said we'd be discrete, remember? Walking out of your room at this time of day- too early to have been to see you about anything work related- isn't really being discrete is it?"

"No, I guess not. Sorry. It's just…I don't know what it's just, actually. Ignore me, I'm being an idiot." He pulled Rodney into an apologetic kiss.

Rodney eventually, reluctantly, pulled back. "Glad we've got that sorted. Now, do you think we can risk showering together, bearing in mind that we need to leave this room sometime today?"

John thought about it, leered at Rodney and then collapsed back onto the bed with a sigh. "No, I think we'd best go separately or we'll never leave. I'd rather avoid Elizabeth sending the search parties."

"Yeah, I thought as much," Rodney said a little morosely. "Oh well, we've only got to get through the day and we can get together tonight. Maybe stick a movie on and neck like teenagers through it?"

John grinned, "Why wait 'til tonight? We can meet for lunch and I can drop into the labs, give you a hand turning stuff on, or maybe even do some math for you."

"Oh, god. No math in the labs." John frowned, confused, so Rodney went on with, "It's too hot to even think about it. I wouldn't be able to keep from jumping you."

John laughed and pulled Rodney down on top of him for another kiss, then said, right into Rodney's ear, "So I'll save the math for later, after the movie." He was rewarded with a full body shudder from Rodney.

Rodney sucked in a breath and pushed himself away from John and off the bed. "Don't say things like that, or I'll never get out of here today."

John was unrepentant if his grin was anything to go by.

"Oh shut up," Rodney said and stalked off into the bathroom to the sound of John's laughter.

*~*

John had allowed Rodney to get his shower without any further interference from him. Rodney had emerged ten minutes later, fully dressed, and given John one final kiss. It was enough to leave him horny, but not enough to make it worth jacking off, which Rodney knew judging by his parting smirk. John had gotten his own shower after that. He'd made it a cold one; just to be sure there were no lingering effects of the kiss.

He managed to stick with the personnel reviews until lunch, but then he fled his office with the intention of not returning for the rest of the day if he could help it. He headed down to the labs to collect Rodney, but as he entered and scanned around, he spotted Rodney in deep conversation with Radek. John stood back and assessed the vehemence of the arm waving for a few moments. He grinned, judging it to be a lively discussion rather than an argument and thus safe to approach.

"Hey, Rodney, Radek." He got a nod of greeting from the Czech. "You ready for lunch, Rodney?"

"Not just now, Major. We've had an idea-"

" _We?_ " Radek interrupted him. " _I_ have had idea. Rodney is simply stealing it so he can continue to call himself genius!"

"Hey, I _am_ a genius! I don't need to steal other people's ideas," Rodney said indignantly.

"And yet…" Radek retorted with raised eyebrows.

John tried to stifle a smirk and chuckle, but lost the fight as Rodney replied, "Right, _fine_. Radek has had an idea. And you can stop that smirking right now, Major, or you can watch the movie on your own."

John wasn't too bothered about the movie, but he was bothered by the thought of missing out on the other activities scheduled, so he quickly got himself under control and turned to Radek. "So, Radek, what's this brilliant idea of yours and can you talk about it in the mess hall?"

Radek frowned, a little confused by the apparently unrelated questions. "I believe I have found a way to make the long range sensors more efficient. And yes, I can talk about it in the mess hall."

"Really? Cool. You can tell me all about it over lunch then."

"I promised Carson I'd go to lunch with him today, but thank you, Major."

"No problems. We'll just collect Carson on the way."

Rodney narrowed his eyes at John, thoughtfully. "You're bored, aren't you?" He said after a little scrutiny.

"Two words for you, Rodney. Personnel. Reviews."

"Ah, say no more. Come on, Radek, you can do your bit for our fearless hero's sanity."

"Well, when you put it like that, how can I refuse?" Radek smirked.

"Great, excellent, let's go." John slid into the narrow space between the bench and the scientists and started chivvying them towards the door.

"Hey, what's the rush? They serving something good I don't know about?"

"No, but I know you scientist types. You'll have a thought and that'll be it. I'm just making sure we're already out of the lab before that happens."

Rodney grumbled, but he and Radek both allowed themselves to be herded along to the infirmary. Carson was in his lab, back to the door, so didn't see them arrive. John walked up and said, "Hey, Carson, you free for lunch?"

"Good grief! Don't sneak up on me like that, man!" Carson said, whirling round to face John.

"Sorry, but I didn't sneak up."

"He does that to me too, Carson."

"Yeah, but I do it on purpose to you, Rodney," John replied sweetly.

"Ha! I knew it." Rodney sounded vindicated.

When Carson turned to look at John, he'd turned away from Radek, so he hadn't realised the Czech was in the room when he said, "Anyway, I said I'd go to lunch with Radek, so thanks, but I'll have to turn you down."

"No, the major has already ensnared me," Radek said now.

"Oh, Radek, lad, I didn't see you, sorry. You lads go on, I've just got to finish up here."

"You may as well just give in, Carson, or the major's going to start pouting at you," Rodney told him.

"Hey, I do not pout!" John replied, indignant.

Carson shut down his laptop and then turned to leave the lab. He patted John on the shoulder and said, "You're doing it right now, lad." Then he walked out with a laughing Rodney and Radek following behind. John stood staring in mock offence for a few moments before hurrying to catch up. He was almost there when Carson wheeled back round and fixed him with a stare.

"So, you got your medical degree sometime last night did you?"

"Huh?" John said, nonplussed.

Carson gestured at his single crutch. "It's just that I'm sure I'd recall cutting you back to one crutch, so I can only assume you got your medical degree so that you could sign off on that yourself."

John paused, caught. "Um, yeah, sorry. I kinda forgot to pick the other one up when I left this morning. I was only using one while I was in my quarters. But it's okay, right? You were going to take one away from me today anyway."

"That may be so, _after_ I'd done a few checks on you. I've a good mind to make you keep two for another few days as punishment," Carson said with an evil glint in his eyes.

"Aww, Carson, don't do that. Please?" John brought out the big guns: Puppy dog eyes.

Carson made him suffer for a few more seconds, immune to the eyes where medical matters were concerned. Finally he said, "We'll see, make sure you come with both for your check up."

John grinned and then said, "Great, sure. Can we go to lunch now?"

Rodney leaned in close to John and said quietly, "I told you he wouldn't be pleased," before turning to Carson and explaining, "he's bored and has picked us as his lunchtime entertainment."

"Ah, I see. Well, might as well get going now we're all here. No Teyla or Ford to amuse you?" The four started walking once more.

"No. Teyla's taking a few days on the mainland while we're stood down and Ford's running some drills with the marines. It's down to you guys to keep me safe from the dreaded paperwork."

They made small talk through their arrival in the mess hall and selection of food. John took a sandwich, an Athosian cake and a cup of coffee. With only one hand to carry his tray, the coffee sloshed precariously until Rodney took it and put it on his own tray. John smiled and said, "Thanks. Just make sure I get that back."

"What, you think I'm going to steal it?" Rodney sounded incredulous.

"Well it _is_ coffee," John pointed out.

"True." Rodney eyed the cup speculatively, before transferring the look to John. "What'll you give me in exchange for its safe release?"

"You're holding my coffee hostage?" John asked mock incredulously.

They'd reached a table by this time and as they sat down, Radek and Rodney on one side, John and Carson the other, with John and Rodney diagonal to each other, Carson reached out to Rodney's tray and plucked John's coffee cup up. John smirked triumphantly and said, "Well, I guess I don't have to give you anything, seeing as my good buddy Carson just liberated it."

Carson gave a snort and said, "That's what you think, son." John's face fell as Carson continued with, "If you want this coffee returned safely, you'll promise me that you will do as I tell you from now on."

"What, forever? That seems a little steep for one cup of coffee, Carson."

Carson made an exasperated sound and muttered; "I really don't know why I bother," before returning his voice to normal volume with, "No, you great ninny. Just for this particular recovery will do. The thought of having to take control of you forever is making me feel all faint. Now, do we have a deal?"

John deliberated for a few moments then held his hand out for the mug. "Yes, I think I can manage that. Now please, I've been doing personnel reviews all morning and I _need_ caffeine."

"Good god, man. Why didn't you say so earlier?" Carson said, aghast, eyes comically wide as he hurriedly handed John the coffee cup. The table dissolved into laughter, John only just managing to set the prized coffee down before his shaking mirth could slosh it all over the sides.

They settled down quickly and dug into their meals. John asked Radek to explain his sensor idea, which Radek happily did, not so happily assisted by many interruptions from Rodney. John asked intelligent questions and everyone was amused that Rodney couldn't seem to decide whether he was impressed or annoyed by them.

As they got to dessert, the conversation shifted to Carson's work. He was trying to improve the retrovirus he was working on. He wanted to make sure it could never lead to another Hoff.

What John and Rodney were not aware of was that they had been giving each other surreptitious, but lingering, looks all through lunch. Radek had gradually caught on and he caught Carson's eye, looking between the two men and then raising an eyebrow in question.

Carson read Radek's look and gave a minute nod and smile in confirmation. He didn't think either man would mind Radek knowing about them, but he did think they should be careful about being so obvious if they wanted to be discrete. He said in a light, teasing tone, "I thought you two wanted to be discrete? You've been giving each other the eye for the whole meal."

He was surprised by Rodney's abrupt reaction to his tease. The man jerked as if he'd been electrocuted, flashed John a pale-faced, panicked look and then stuttered, "Yes, right. Um. I have to…uh…I have to go check something in the lab," before he snatched up his tray and fled as quickly as he could without running.

"Rodney," John called, but the scientist kept on going. "Dammit, Carson" John then said, but it was more exasperated than angry.

Carson apologised anyway, "Sorry, lad, I didn't realise he'd take the comment that badly."

John sighed. "That's okay, Carson. He's just got it into his head that something awful will happen if I'm found out. I think he thinks my men will turn on me and toss me over a balcony or something. You know how he gets sometimes."

"Aye, I do at that."

"And he believes that displays like that will make it less obvious?" Radek asked, bemused.

"Apparently," John replied with a raised brow.

"Hmmm," was Radek's only response, until he looked up at John with a grin. "Oh, congratulations. Though I wonder at your sanity, if you happily subject yourself to Rodney's temper when you don't have to be in the same room as him. Perhaps, Carson, you should take him away for brain scans."

"Hey," John protested as the other two laughed at him. He grinned though, so his indignation was greatly undermined.

"So, are you going to go after him?" Carson asked.

"I thought I'd give him a few minutes to hole up somewhere and get over the worst of his panic first. I'll call him in a bit."

Carson nodded; it made sense, knowing Rodney as they did. The three men finished their meals along with more idle chat, then John drained the last of his coffee and set the cup down before lifting his hand to activate his comm. "Sheppard to McKay, where are you, Rodney?"

" _I'm a little busy right now, Major_ ," came the quick response.

John rolled his eyes, "I didn't ask you if you were busy, Rodney. I asked where you were. Maybe I can give you a hand, seeing as I'm still bored."

 _"I really don't think that's a good idea right now, Major. There's nothing for you to help me with at the moment and you'll just get in the way."_

Carson and Radek had been watching John as he spoke with Rodney, though they'd only heard John's side of the conversation. They watched as John's face hardened, the teasing smile dropping away and his eyes going flinty. The terse, "Fine!" was just the final confirmation of what both men had already guessed: Rodney had said something stupid. They exchanged another look.

"What did the great ass say?" Carson ventured after a second or two.

"That he's too busy right now and I'll just get in the way," John growled. "God! Considering this was his idea, he's sure as hell doing a good job of killing it before it even gets a chance. And dammit, I can't even go for a damn run to cool off!" John looked like he really needed to punch something.

Radek had a thought, "I need to do some maintenance checks on Jumper Six. Perhaps you would give me a hand, Major?"

John shot him a grateful expression, dragged a hand through his already untidy hair and said, "Yes, I think that would be just the thing right now. Thanks."

With that settled, the three men took their trays to the disposal area and headed out into the corridor. John and Radek bid Carson farewell as they split in different directions. John was already focused on the idea of flying and only acknowledged Carson's reminder about his physio and check up appointment with a wave of his hand as he strode away. Carson grinned at the sight of Radek having to almost scurry to keep up with John's purposeful strides. Then he shook his head as his thoughts turned to Rodney and his foolish behaviour. He was going to have to have a strong word with his friend.

*~*

Radek hurried to keep up with the major, glad that he was still lame, or he'd be in the dust by now. John obviously wasn't in the mood for conversation, so Radek pondered this new information instead.

He'd caught Rodney giving John the odd look that went on a fraction too long, but it was infrequent enough that Radek had been half sure he'd just imagined them, or that Rodney had a very mild crush. He'd never caught the major looking back, not that he'd been looking all that hard, just making natural observations of his friends. Now though, having seen the looks being exchanged over lunch, and heard Carson's tease, he had to assume that things had changed considerably. He was glad for his friends. Rodney needed someone who could see past his egotism to the insecure, but big-hearted individual underneath, and John had always been able to do that effortlessly. They both had a good dose of stubbornness, too- better they inflict it on each other, than any unsuspecting souls.

It made Radek sad that Rodney seemed so intent on sabotaging his chances before they'd even got going, pushing John away like he had. He'd seen the hurt on the man's face and now he was witnessing the anger in the speed and purpose John was moving at. Still, some time in the jumper should help him calm down enough to start thinking again, rather than reacting. And, if Radek could get him to talk, all the better. He had the feeling that Carson wasn't going to sit idly by either.

Radek finally broke the silence as they stepped into the transporter, "I need to go to the lab first, get my equipment."

"Fine. I'll wait outside." John replied tersely.

"I doubt Rodney will be there, but okay," Radek said.

He stepped out of the transporter and across the hall into the lab. He moved quickly to his workstation and grabbed his jumper tool kit along with his laptop. Sure enough, Rodney wasn't anywhere to be seen…or heard. He moved back into the hall again to find John leaning on the lab-side wall, where he'd be out of any sight line from the room. "As I suspected, he's not hiding in there."

"I don't care where he is," John responded, but Radek saw the lie in that. He wondered if John knew that he was almost as easy to read as Rodney sometimes.

Radek let it pass though and the two men stepped into the transporter once more, arriving near the jumper bay a moment later. The doors opened while they were still halfway there- Atlantis responding to John's dark mood, no doubt. Radek slid a sideways gaze at his companion and was met with a sheepish look.

Good. That meant the calm was coming.

They headed to the jumper and the hatch opened, though they were a little closer to it than the bay doors. John strode straight to the pilot's chair and sat, bringing systems online. He turned to look at Radek as the Czech set up his equipment. "So, do any of these checks need to be done in the air?"

"No," Radek replied, waiting just long enough to see John's face fall before adding, "but they don't need to be done on the ground either."

John's face lit again and he spun back round, keying his mic as he started pre-flight checks. "Sheppard to Grodin."

" _Go ahead, Major_."

"Doctor Zelenka needs to run some tests on Jumper Six, so I'm taking us out for…" he spun round to Radek again, eyebrow raised.

"About an hour," Radek supplied.

"…About two hours." John reported, winking at Radek, who grinned back.

" _Okay, Major. You have a go_."

"Thanks, Peter. Out."

"So, should I be concerned that you have kidnapped me and plan on keeping me from my important experiments for a whole hour?" Radek teased.

"Nah, it'll be fun." John was unrepentant, but Radek was just pleased that he seemed to have recovered his usual cheerfulness.

Radek's tests did indeed take him an hour, then he spent another thirty minutes tweaking some systems he'd found lacking- by his exacting standards at least. He found that if he kept his head buried in the Ancient crystals, the inertial dampers kept him feeling fine. If he made the mistake of looking out of the window, however, his eyes plainly told him all about the nerve-bothering manoeuvres John was pulling and he started to feel ill. Consequently, when he'd finally run out of things to do, he sat in the co-pilot's chair with his eyes squeezed shut.

"You okay there, Doc?"

"Oh, yes, fine," he lied.

"It's okay, Radek, I've levelled off. Honest, you can look now."

Radek cautiously cracked one eye and was met with stars. He opened both eyes fully and stared out into space. Gloriously unmoving space. "I work with the jumpers so much and yet I very rarely get to see this," Radek said with awe.

"Cool, isn't it?" John asked.

Radek simply nodded, before shifting his gaze to smile at John. "Feeling better now?"

"Yeah. Flying always helps me settle myself."

"You want to talk about it? I don't want to pry into things that are none of my business, but you are both my friends and I would like to help if I can."

John smiled at him, then turned to look out of the cockpit window once again. He was silent so long that Radek thought he wasn't going to accept his offer. Just as he was about to speak again, John sighed, then said, "I just--" he faltered, thought a bit more and tried again. "It was his idea, you know. I'm straight, at least I was," he amended at Radek's sceptical eyebrow. "Apparently, he's had feelings for me for awhile, but I've never even so much as looked at another man."

Radek waited a moment, but John seemed to have stalled again. "So what changed?" he prompted.

"I think my latest brush with death," he gestured at his leg, "and the fact that he had to keep me alive on his own pushed his feelings to the fore enough that he couldn't ignore them anymore. That's why he avoided me until I got out of the infirmary and forced him to talk to me. He said it was just a crush and we agreed to carry on as best friends and ignore his feelings."

"Ah, so that is why your usual bickering has seemed strained these last few weeks."

"Yeah. Sweeping it under the carpet really didn't work, so I forced him to have another talk with him. I'd thought about things over those two weeks and it occurred to me, once Rodney was avoiding me, just how much time we spend together, how we seek each other out in our down time. Hell, we can even sit for hours in comfortable silence. How often have you known Rodney to voluntarily be quiet?"

"It is quite a feat, indeed," Radek agreed.

John gave him a small smile and then said, "I figured that had to count for something, right? So I said I was willing to give it a try between us if he was willing to take the risk that it could all go badly if I decided I really didn't like being gay and freaked out."

"He accepted the risk, I take it?"

"Yeah, and he's so careful about making sure I don't freak; says he intends to keep me. I mean, he's actually sweet…who would've guessed Rodney McKay could be sweet? And that's why I can't accept today's little display. He's so…there…in private, and yet, in public he can't even bear to be in the same room as me. Like he's ashamed, when I told him that I wouldn't hide."

"He's not ashamed, John, you know that," Radek protested gently.

John sighed again. "I know that. I know that he's doing it out of some misguided attempt to keep me safe. But safe from what? I'm just really confused, Radek. What does he want from me? Just when I think I've got my equilibrium, got my head round this new concept, he goes and pushes me away."

Radek heard John's confusion in his tired tone; he also heard resignation and, still, hurt and anger. He shook his head. What was Rodney playing at that he'd gone after John only to push him away? He knew the man was insecure, but this seemed foolish even for him. He could only hope Carson had luck talking to Rodney.

"I don't know what to say, other than this is Rodney and we all know how contrary he can be. I know he hurt you today and you have a right to feel angry with him. All I can suggest is that you think about your own feelings. You know him, you know he does this sort of thing to protect himself, and you know he will also try to protect those he considers friends, even if he doesn't do it the right way. This will not be the only instance where he unintentionally hurts you.

"You need to think hard about whether you can get past it, whether whatever else you feel for him can balance his complete lack of social skills. Once you know your own mind, you can confront him, but until then, I'd stay away. It would be all too easy for words to be said in the heat of the moment- and I know you both, there would be heated words with you both in this state. You need to be calm and know your own mind so that you can deal with Rodney's issues logically."

He watched John consider his advice, could almost see the orderly, mathematical side he knew was there whirring away, calculating odds and the strategic side assessing the tactics. After a few moments John looked up and said, "Thanks, Radek, you've really been a big help. I'm glad I kidnapped you." He grinned and Radek was relieved to see it.

He smiled back and retorted, "I'm glad you enjoyed my kidnapping. I, however, have been terribly mistreated, what with all that motion sickness you inflicted on me and my poor nerves. I've a good mind to have Elizabeth throw you in the cells for breach of the Geneva Convention!"

John pouted, "You mean I pulled out all my best moves for you and you're unimpressed? Well, if that's how you're going to be, I'm taking you back to Atlantis and kicking you off my jumper."

"Thank you," Radek said and they both started to laugh as John guided the craft back down through the atmosphere and on home.

*~*

Carson gave Rodney a few minutes to secrete himself away, then contacted Peter. "Beckett to Grodin."

" _Grodin here, what can I do for you, Carson?_ "

"I need you to contact Rodney and find out where he is."

" _Is your comm. not working?_ " Peter asked, confused.

"Oh, it's working, but Rodney's in a bit of a snit and knows I'm wanting to have a talk with him, so he's hiding."

" _I see. Would this be anything to do with why Major Sheppard is currently upsetting Radek with his energetic flight manouevres?_ "

"Aye, that it would, lad."

 _"Ah. Say no more, I'll root him out for you_."

Up in the control room, Peter smiled and shook his head in fond exasperation. Rodney just wouldn't learn that there was no escaping Carson when he wanted to give you a talk. He activated his comm. and said, "Grodin to McKay, where are you, Rodney?"

" _I'm in lab eight. Why?_ "

"Oh, just wondering. Grodin out. Carson, he's in lab eight, but you might want to hurry as it won't take him long to figure out why I asked where he was."

" _Thank you kindly, lad. He won't run if he knows what's good for him._ "  
Peter grinned again. Carson could be quite scary when he got like this. He was quite glad he was safely out of it up in command. Still, Rodney deserved it if the major's flight path was any indication. He felt sorry for Radek.

*~*

Carson hurried to the lab, hoping that Rodney wouldn't have bolted even if he had figured out that Carson was on his way. The door slid open as he passed his hand over the sensor and Carson was glad to see Rodney still there.

He was sat on a stool, staring at the bench in front of him, but there was no work in evidence anywhere. He didn't look up at Carson's arrival, just said flatly, "Carson."

"What the bloody hell was that?" Carson demanded, foregoing the niceties. He went on before Rodney had the chance to answer, which was good, as Rodney had shown no signs of replying. "And to think I warned John not to hurt you!"

That got Rodney's attention, his head lifting so he could stare at Carson. "You said that? When?"

"In one of our physio sessions when he found out why you'd been avoiding him, but wasn't sure what to do about it. It looks like I gave the advice to the wrong man though- you really hurt him with that stunt."

"Oh, so I'm supposed to feel bad for being concerned about his career?" Rodney asked indignantly.

"No, but you should certainly feel bad for running away like that and then refusing to even speak to the man. You didn't see his face, Rodney, but we were sat right there. He looked like he'd been physically hit, before the anger took over."

"He's a big boy, he'll get over it," Rodney snapped, becoming more defensive as Carson's words sunk in.

"Aye, but he shouldn't have to, man. This was all your idea, remember, he was perfectly content to go on with the status quo until you got him thinking. You think he doesn't know what the risks are? You should be making things easier for him if you really want this to work; he's got enough to deal with with the whole sexual reorientation. Hell, as I recall, you yourself told me that you'd discussed this aspect and he'd said he wouldn't hide your relationship. How do you think this made him feel? I wouldn't be surprised if John now thinks you're ashamed of him, which isn't going to help his nervousness about this relationship, especially when you consider all your avoidance just a few days ago."

Rodney had sat, managing to stay quiet, while Carson said his piece. Normally he would have been giving better than he got, talking louder to drown out his accuser, but Carson's words were hitting home and Rodney was too busy cursing himself for an idiot. He tried to think of something sarcastic to rally round, but Carson knew him too well and it wouldn't wash, so he gave up. Instead he dropped his face into his hands and said. "God, Carson, what am I going to do?"

"Grovel," was Carson's succinct reply.

Rodney's snort was muffled by his hands, but still conveyed his confidence in that plan. He looked up again and said, "Yeah, because I'm renowned for my grovelling skills." Carson merely raised an eyebrow and put his hands on his hips, staring until Rodney caved. "Yes, yes, fine. I'll do my best. Do you know where he went?" he asked, slapping his hands down on the table and pushing up from the stool, ready to head out to find John.

"Aye, Radek borrowed him to help with some jumper maintenance. Last I heard John was doing some pretty complex flying, so Radek's probably getting a little green and regretting his offer right about now."

Rodney dredged up a small smile before contacting Peter, "McKay to Grodin."

" _Go ahead_."

"Peter, do you know how long Major Sheppard and Radek were going to be out for?"

" _Major Sheppard thought about two hours, but they've had about thirty minutes by now. It gives you plenty of time to work out how you're going to apologise for whatever it was you did this time._ " Peter chuckled.

"Hey!" Rodney protested indignantly.

 _"Uh huh. Good luck, Grodin out."_

"That man needs a lesson in respect," Rodney grumped, but it was half hearted. "God, Carson, I've got to think of something good to say and I'm terrible at things like this."

"Well, as the man said, you've got another hour and a half. Even you should be able to come up with something by then."

"Yeah, but it's also plenty of time to lose my nerve too."

"Well, just make sure you don't. John's just as vulnerable as you in his own way and he doesn't suffer fools either. I don't reckon you'll get many chances to make this work before he just cuts his losses. If you care for him half as much as you say, you'll do a damn good job of fixing this now and keeping it fixed."

Rodney just dropped back onto the stool and thunked his forehead onto the table. "I'm doomed."

Carson chuckled as he moved to Rodney's side to clasp his shoulder encouragingly. "You'll do fine. John knows you, after all, he expects some awkwardness. As long as you're heartfelt, you should be fine even if you mess up the wording. Now, I'd best go get an anti-nausea shot ready for Radek. I'll leave you to your thinking." He squeezed Rodney's shoulder once more and then left.

*~*

Rodney spent the best part of those ninety minutes wracking his brain, then he took himself off to the jumper bay to await John's return. He knew what he felt; that he loved John and didn't want to push him away over something so foolish. It was just finding the words to say it without sounding flip or sarcastic, which Rodney knew was his fallback in times of high emotion.

Before he could fret much longer, the jumper returned and Rodney watched with a fluttering stomach as the hatch lowered and John stepped out along side Radek. The fluttering was joined by cautious optimism and a hint of jealousy as the two men descended the ramp deep in an obviously humourous conversation. His mouth went a little dry at the sight of John's huge grin, and that just made it more painful to see that grin vanish when John noticed Rodney waiting for them.

"Do you have a moment, John?" Rodney asked.

"Not right now, McKay," John replied and then he nodded his goodbye to Radek and made a fast exit.

Rodney's cautious optimism died, replaced with angry hurt. He made to follow after John, but was stopped by Radek's hand on his arm. Rodney's anger focused on him. "What did you say to him?" he demanded.

Radek merely raised both eyebrows and said haughtily, "Do not take that tone with me when I am trying to help you fix your mess!"

Rodney stared at him for a second and then his chin and shoulders dropped with a defeated air. "Yes, right, sorry. What did you say to him?" this time asked in a more conciliatory tone.

"I told him to go away and figure out his own thoughts and feelings first, get them locked down so that he can deal with your issues calmly. Otherwise you are both liable to say something you'll regret."

Rodney had to grudgingly concede that this was good advice. He and John knew each other's buttons and wouldn't hesitate to press them if they were in a real argument rather than their usual bickering. "I don't suppose you know how long he might take?" he asked hopefully.

"No. I suggest you leave him alone for a bit until he comes to you. Come to the lab and get some work done. It'll help take your mind off it."

Rodney doubted that, but went along anyway. Several hours later he was proved right. He'd not been able to concentrate at all, his mind jumping back to John just as he thought he'd found something to distract him. Eventually he gave up, heading to the mess for dinner. His appetite vanished when he spotted John making a hasty exit after seeing Rodney enter through the other door. He got an MRE for hypoglycaemia-staving-off purposes, but took it back to his room and ate it mechanically.

*~*

The next two days were miserable. He did his best to work through it, but didn't get anywhere near as much done as he would have normally. It hurt to see John fleeing any room Rodney happened to be in, and then he realised that this was what he'd done to John for more than a week, only John hadn't had the benefit of knowing what it was all about. That just made him feel more miserable.

Worse, Teyla and Aiden noticed things were off. How could they not?

Teyla gave him her patented Disappointed Look, while otherwise treating him the same, but Aiden was more forthright. "What did you do to Major Sheppard, McKay?"

"What do you mean what did _I_ do? What's to say he didn't do something to me and is now hiding out in shame?"

His indignation had no effect on Aiden, who replied, "Come on, Rodney, the major's not one to avoid someone for something he's done. He'd just suck it up and get on with it. No; you've obviously messed up somehow."

"Oh well, that's nice isn't it? That's confidence, that is! Don't worry about it, Ford; it'll be fixed shortly. Now, I have work to do," and he stormed off, not willing to stand anymore of Aiden's all too accurate assumptions, or Teyla's damnable _looking!_

Later that evening, Rodney had a brainwave. If John had taken on Rodney's previous role of avoider, then surely that meant Rodney could take on John's old role of cornering and forcing to talk? It was impulsive, and Rodney hoped it wouldn't backfire, but he headed to John's quarters nonetheless.

He thought the door open without announcing himself, striding through and letting it shut behind him before John could do more than look up from his book. "McKay, come in…oh, you already have," John said snidely. "Something I can do for you?"

"Yes, you can stop avoiding me," Rodney promptly replied.

"Hurts, doesn't it?" John asked in a suddenly soft voice.

"Yes. Yes, it does, and you've made your point, so can we move on now please?"

John scowled, "Well now, that depends on why you're here, doesn't it?"

"Yes. Right," he gathered his thoughts for a moment and then rushed on with, "I love you. I'm an idiot and I'm sorry, and you won't hear me admit either of those all that often, let alone in the same sentence, so make the most of it. I didn't mean to hurt you; I just panicked that something awful would happen if your men found out about us. I'll do my very best not to do it again," and he took a huge breath, having said all of that in one go. He gazed at John hopefully.

John thought about it for a moment and pushed up off the bed. "There, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

"Yes it was. It was horrendous. But that has to count for something right? That it was so difficult, but I said it anyway?" Rodney looked so hopeful as he spoke.

"Yeah, it does," and John's face finally softened from the expression of polite interest he'd worn for most of the last few minutes. He snagged the back of Rodney's neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

Rodney sighed and melted against John, wrapping his arms around him tightly. When the kiss ended, Rodney asked, "So, does that mean I'm forgiven?"

"Yeah, okay. Though only because I know you did it out of some misguided fear for me. But, Rodney, you do that to me again- make me feel like I mean nothing to you- then that's it. I've been hurt too many times in the past to put up with it again."

Rodney wanted to ask who had hurt him and how, but had enough sense to leave the obviously sore subject for a different time. He settled on murmuring, "God, I missed you," against John's lips before taking them in another soft kiss.

When they pulled apart this time, John eyed Rodney with a mischievous look and said, "So, is this where we have make up sex?"

Rodney's breath hitched and his pupils dilated as his cock started to harden at the idea. "You know? I think it is," he grinned. "Have anything in mind?"

John thought for a moment, "Well, I could have another go at giving a blow job?"

Although Rodney's breath caught again at the thought, he replied, "I've got a better idea: You could fuck me."

It was John's turn for the hitching breath and dilating pupils this time, although his face also clouded with a little uncertainty. "Really? You'd let me do that even though I'm not comfortable returning the favour?"

"John, this isn't about reciprocating. I assure you, I enjoy bottoming and I want to experience it with you. It's not like it'll be a hardship. Besides, if I show you how much I enjoy it, it might help you feel less concerned about trying it yourself. Now, what do you say?"

John nodded and gave a hoarse "Okay." Then his face fell and he said, "Wait. I don't think my leg'll be up to it. It's just about happy to let me walk now, but I think it'll cramp if I kneel too long."

"Don't worry about it, we can do it another way. Just strip and sit against the head end of the bed. Pile the pillows so your back's supported. I'll be back in a sec." He strode into John's bathroom and searched for suitable lube. Snatching up some lotion, he returned to find John arranging himself as asked. He took a moment to stare at the sight, mouth going dry.

John's slightly nervous, "Rodney?" snapped him out of his stupor and he put the lube down before shucking his clothes and climbing onto the bed at John's feet.

"Sorry, I was just admiring the view." He leant in for a kiss and then pulled back only slightly to say, "God, you're gorgeous." Because he was still so close to John, he saw John's eyes flick away for a second.

"I'm not," he denied.

Rodney sat back on his heels and watched John. "You don't think you're gorgeous, or you don't think I should be telling you you are because it's not manly?" he asked, curious.

John's eyes flicked away again as he considered. Finally he admitted, "A little of both, maybe."

"Well, I can assure you that the very fact that you're a man is what makes me think you're gorgeous, so you needn't worry about that. As for the other, I can't make you see yourself any other way than you do, but I hope you'll accept it over time."

John thought it over, his eyebrows diving down and then hiking up before levelling out as his gaze caught Rodney's again. "Okay," he said, "just don't say it too often."

"I'll try to restrain my appreciation," Rodney said dryly, "but you can't stop me thinking it every second of the day." John's mouth opened but Rodney pushed on before he got a chance to speak, "Now, wasn't there some talk of make-up sex?"

John shut his mouth again and assumed a mock-thoughtful face, "You know, I think there was." He grinned and Rodney had to kiss him again.

They were both a little out of breath when Rodney pulled away. John's expression had turned a little apprehensive and he said, "So, what happens next? Isn't there some sort of preparation required…with fingers?"

"Yes, I'll need stretching and yes, it involves fingers. Do you want me to get myself ready, or do you want to try it?"

"I don't want to hurt you," John said.

"You won't, but how about I start with one finger and you join in with the second and third? That way I can guide you." John nodded eagerly and Rodney settled himself so that he could watch John's face and John could see Rodney's face as well as his ass. He picked up the lube and coated a finger, eyes focused on John.

John was watching with huge eyes. It made him look terribly young and innocent and Rodney revelled in the fact that John was letting him see this side. Sure, he had his innocent mask, a great tool for getting what he wanted, but Rodney saw through that to the calculating brain behind. This was a much more child-like innocence and Rodney knew it was an expression that he wouldn't see often.

He snapped the lube shut and moved his hand back. John's eyes followed. Both of them pulled in a breath as Rodney worked his finger inside himself. His eyes threatened to close in pleasure, but he forced them to stay open so that he could keep watching John's reactions. He worked the finger all the way in and began moving it in and out, pushing the lube in and getting himself used to the feeling again.

"Does it hurt?" John asked in a breathy voice.

"No. It can do when it gets to two and three fingers, and definitely when it gets to fitting a cock inside, but one finger just feels weird. Good, definitely, but weird. Especially if you're out of practice, like me. My body's forgotten this feeling."

"But you're okay? You want to carry on?"

Rodney had to smile at John's concern. It was easy to see his complete lack of experience in that question- if he'd ever experienced this kind of sex, he wouldn't be asking if Rodney wanted to stop at one finger. "No, I'm good," he assured.

"In fact…" he pulled his finger out and reached for the lube once more, "…give me your hand."

John shifted to a better position and offered his hand to Rodney, who took it and coated his finger with lube. He wrapped his own hand tightly round John's so that they both had their index finger extended, then he guided them to his waiting hole and eased them inside. He moaned and John gasped.

"God, it's so hot," John said, "and tight. Are you sure this doesn't hurt?"

"John, trust me, the initial discomfort fades quickly and it's so worth it." He began moving their fingers around, stretching himself and searching for that certain spot. He found it and gave a cry of pleasure as his anal muscles spasmed round the fingers inside.

"Rodney?" John asked, alarmed. He'd tensed at Rodney's cry and Rodney held tight in case he tried to pull his finger out.

"Prostate," he gasped and felt John relax again. He had the fleeting thought that it was strange to see John so nervous when he was usually so controlled, but that was quickly quashed when John took the initiative and moved their fingers until he found Rodney's prostate again. It drew another cry from him and he pulled their hands back, unfolded John's middle finger and then worked all three inside, starting to feel a bit frantic.

He was impatient to get to the main event now, but he gave John a few minutes to play and get used to the sensations; minutes that John used well, rubbing over Rodney's gland as often as possible. His nervousness was gone for now and he wore a mischievous smile as he pushed Rodney closer to the edge. Finally it was too much and Rodney pulled the fingers out of him and motioned John back against the pillows.  
*~*

Rodney moved to straddle John's thighs, pressing in close. Both men moaned as their erections caught and John moaned again when Rodney stroked lube over him. His eyes had slid shut, but they popped open again when he felt Rodney shifting once more.

He stared as Rodney rested one hand on his shoulder and took hold of his straining dick with the other, lifting himself up. Rodney locked their gazes together as he lowered himself carefully onto John. John's hands came up to clutch at Rodney's hips and he groaned as he felt Rodney's tight heat start to take him in. He saw Rodney wince and his fingers tightened on his hips, but Rodney didn't stop and showed no signs of further discomfort, so John didn't say anything. He didn't want to come over as completely girly about it, after all, and he'd questioned Rodney already.

Instead, he lost himself in the feeling of Rodney tight around him, the heat, the surprising softness. He stared at Rodney's face, watching the pleasure he could see there so clearly even as sweat broke out on his brow with the effort of going slowly.

Finally Rodney gave a long, low groan as he bottomed out, ass coming to rest on John's thighs. His head tipped forwards for a moment, before he raised it and stared at John. "How you doing?" he asked.

John snorted, "How'm _I_ doing? Surely you can feel how I'm doing! What about you? You're the one who's done all the work. Not too painful?"

"No, I'm great. I missed this feeling."

"What's it like?"

"God, this is really not the time for questions like that where I have to think. It feels great- full, but in a good way. It's really difficult to explain."

And evidently he'd decided not to try as he took John's mouth in a hard, sloppy kiss and started to move. Conversation was a thing of the past, both men given over to grunts, groans, moans and 'oh god's, with each other's names thrown in every now and again.

John was unable to move in this position, so he had to let Rodney do all the work. He did raise his knees though, so that Rodney had something to lean against and brace himself on. It must have helped because Rodney's thrusts became more frantic. John could feel his orgasm building fast and knew Rodney was also getting close when he started to lose the rhythm.

"Jerk me off," Rodney gasped and John forced his tightly clenching right hand from Rodney's hip and round to his cock. It was an awkward angle with Rodney pressed so tight against him, but he did his best and it was obviously good enough, because he only got two strokes in before Rodney exploded.

John would have liked to have had more time to listen to Rodney's keening moan, to watch his face, eyes closed, mouth hanging open, but the contractions of Rodney's body around his dick were too much and he followed Rodney into a blinding orgasm.

John sagged back against the pillows and felt Rodney collapse against him. He managed to move his clean hand up to rest on Rodney's nape and then they just sat there, panting harshly. John's dick softened and slipped from Rodney's body and both of them hissed in disappointment, but still didn't move.

Eventually their heart rates levelled off and Rodney pushed up so that he could see John's face. "So, good?"

"God, how can you even ask that?"

"Just checking. I thought it was spectacular myself- I could certainly get used to it- and I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to freak."

"No, no freaking. That was too damn hot to freak about."

"Excellent," Rodney grinned. "Now, I don't know about you, but I feel a nap coming on. Though I'd like to get cleaned up a little first."

"Oh, yeah, I can definitely go for a nap. Shift over and I'll go fetch a cloth."

Rodney heaved himself off John and collapsed bonelessly to the bed. John smiled and ran a hand through Rodney's short, sweaty hair before pulling himself up and moving to the bathroom, hobbling just a little because he left his crutch at the bedside. "Carson won't like that," Rodney called after him.

"So don't tell him," came from the bathroom, closely followed by John as he limped back to the bed and wiped Rodney down gently. He tossed the cloth away, not looking to see where it landed, and crawled in alongside Rodney. He pulled until Rodney lay against his side, head resting on his shoulder. John wrapped the arm Rodney was laying on as far as it would go round his waist and then kissed the top of Rodney's head. "Thank you," he said.

Rodney raised his head enough to look at John and asked, "What for?"

"For the great sex, for taking it slow, for trusting me not to hurt you."

Rodney smiled fondly and laid his head back down, kissing the nearest piece of skin. "Oh well, in that case, you're welcome. Now, let's get some sleep."

John gave his head another kiss and stroked his fingers over Rodney's skin briefly before closing his eyes and following Rodney into exhausted slumber.

*~*

Rodney woke suddenly. He wasn't sure of the time, but it was still dark. He reached for his laptop, but ended up flailing his arm into John's shoulder, having forgotten that he wasn't in his own room or alone.

"What the…" John bolted upright, completely awake and ready for action. Rodney would have been much more impressed if he hadn't been lying on John's chest. As it was, he was unceremoniously dumped to the side by John's sharp movement.

Not having found any danger, John's curious stare found his scientist's. "Rodney?"

"Sorry, I had a sudden thought and needed to note it down on my laptop. Oh god, my laptop's in my room. I'll have forgotten by the time I get there!"

Cutting through the panic with customary ease, John said, "So use mine."

"It doesn't have the right programme on it," Rodney wasn't yet ready to calm down.

"So write it down in Word, or whatever, and then copy it to the right programme on your laptop later on. At least you won't have to worry about forgetting it."

Rodney stared at him for a moment before snapping his fingers and saying, "Yes, yes. You're right. Give me your laptop."

"If you aren't going to ask nicely, you can get it yourself. It's over on my desk," John waved a hand vaguely.

Rodney huffed, but dragged himself out of bed and over to the desk, booting up the computer before pulling the chair out and taking a seat.

John left the bed to stand behind Rodney and peer over his shoulder. He stared at the equation a moment and then said, "No, that isn't going to work."

Rodney managed to glare at John from the corner of his eyes while still looking at the screen. "Of course it will work!" he sputtered.

John leaned in, left hand on Rodney's neck so he could reach round for the keys. Rodney tried to bat his hand away, but John just said, "No look, this needs changing," whilst making the change.

Rodney stared at the new equation, speechless. Then his head swung round to stare at John, pupils dilated. Before John could do more than frown, Rodney surged out of the chair, pressed John up against the desk and proceeded to devour his mouth. When the need for air eventually won out, he pulled back enough that he could spin John round so that he stood facing the desk. Rodney stepped back in again, pressing himself close to John's back. His half hard cock pressed against John's ass and Rodney felt him flinch. He had just enough brainpower left to ask, "You okay with this?"

"I don't think I'm ready for anything inside me yet," John replied.

"Just rubbing, I promise," Rodney panted.

John gave it a mere moments thought. "Yeah, okay. Gotta get used to it sometime right?"

"That's the spirit," Rodney praised, licking the nape of John's neck, pleased at the shiver he got. He used his left hand on John's shoulder to balance himself as he leant round John to reach the laptop. He typed out a list of equations, which he purposefully made wrong. "There you go, get solving."

"Come on, Rodney, these are easy," John protested.

They weren't, actually, but Rodney kept that to himself, too busy shuddering at the thought that John found them easy. "Humour me," he said, "I've not got enough blood left in my brain to think of anything better right now."

"So I noticed," John teased, giving his hips a little wiggle. Rodney groaned and gestured to the laptop. "Sir, yes sir, Doctor, sir!" John barked, causing Rodney to moan long and loud. "You're kidding," John said, "another one?"

"So I'm a kinky bastard. We can talk about it later. Please," Rodney said hoarsely, again waving at the screen.

So John did. He was surprised by Rodney's strong reaction to him doing the equations, though he supposed it wasn't such an unexpected thing given Rodney's passion for maths and science. He completed the first two equations to the feel of Rodney's hot length pressing against him, gradually getting harder with each correction John made. Rodney was making odd little gasping, moaning noises that John found extremely hot.

As he moved to the third set of symbols, Rodney shifted, straightening up from where he had been hanging on John. John felt a foot pushing at the inside of his own and obligingly widened his stance. This lowered John enough that Rodney could see the screen without twisting. He panted for a moment as John made yet another change, then his left hand slid off of John's shoulder and under his arm to wrap around his chest. Rodney used that arm to press them together more firmly. His right hand shifted from its temporary lodgings on John's hip and round to John's own hard and leaking erection. John hissed and rocked his hips into the grip.

His fingers paused in their typing, but Rodney said, "Don't stop, or I will," and John forced his addled brain to get fixing.

With each change he made, Rodney's thrusts got fiercer until John was sure his thighs would have bruises from the desk edge. Still, he couldn't really be concerned with that now as he had to keep trying to think, despite the fact that Rodney's hand sped up in time with his hips.

Both men were gasping and covered in sweat by the time John got to the last equation, the air was filled with the muted sounds of the keys, the sound of skin rubbing against skin and the moaning, needy sounds both of them were making. This time John begged, "Please, Rodney."

"Just one more," Rodney panted against his shoulder, sounding like he was only barely holding on himself.

John whined, but his fingers stumbled over the keys one last time. Rodney's hand squeezed tight as his hips lost all rhythm and he gave a shaky moan. John retained just enough presence of mind to shove the computer out of the way before he was coming hard, muscles pulling tight, Rodney's name leaving his lips on a low moan.

Rodney almost simultaneously exploded with a harsh cry and John felt the warmth of Rodney's come covering his lower back. A moment later, he felt Rodney slump down over him and heard the gasping in his ear. He let his head hang down as he tried to recover his ability to move. The desk wasn't quite high enough for him to lean on comfortably and eventually Rodney's added weight made it difficult for John's arms to keep him propped up. Reluctantly he prodded, "Rodney."

Rodney groaned but moved, dragging himself upright on shaky legs and then tugging John up after him. They staggered back to the bed together, collapsing in a boneless heap of limbs and dropping into sleep instantly, wiped out from the intensity of their orgasms.

*~*

The next time Rodney woke was a much more sociable hour, plus he remembered where he was and who he was with. He was still tangled with John, face to face, so he took the opportunity to just watch the other man sleep. The urge to reach out and touch was strong, but he didn't want to wake John just yet. Eventually, though, it became too much and Rodney's hand moved almost of its own accord.

He ran his fingertips lightly over John's brow, cheekbone and down to his lips. John's eyelids fluttered briefly and then his eyes snapped open, his military training waking him immediately. Apparently his brain was also more cognizant this time as he didn't move other than to smile.

"Hey," Rodney said.

"G' mornin'," John mumbled back. He stretched luxuriously- well, as much as he could with his limbs wrapped in Rodney's. There was a grimace and he said, "That's just weird."

"What is?" Rodney asked.

"Waking up with dried semen on my _back_ ," John clarified.

"Oh, yeah, one of the hazards, I'm afraid. You'll just have to shower."

"You going to join me?" John asked with a leer.

"No, I don't think that's wise. We'll end up having more sex, then having to have another nap and we'll be late for work," Rodney said regretfully.

"Yeah, okay. You can go first then."

"But I'm not as messy as you. You should go first."

"But you're the guest; it's the polite thing to let you go first."

"Oh and I don't suppose it has anything to do with the fact that you'll get a few more minutes to laze about here?"

"That _may_ be a small consideration," John grinned.

"Uh huh," Rodney said, leaning in for a 'good morning' kiss before taking himself into the bathroom. He took care of pressing needs and stepped into the shower- he'd shave and do his teeth when he got to his own room. He hadn't been in the shower long when John stepped into the bathroom to use the toilet and brush his teeth. Normally Rodney would have been incensed by this flagrant breach of his privacy, but he found that he truly didn't care with John.

A few more minutes and he was done. He stepped out and grabbed the towel John held out, wrapping it round his waist. John stepped past him into the shower and said, "Before you dry off, any chance you can scrub my back for me? No ulterior motives, I promise. I just figured you made the mess," he grinned impishly.

Rodney heaved a huge put-upon sigh and imperiously held his hand out for the cloth John was busy lathering up. "Fine," he grumbled, the crooked smile belying the tone.

John turned round fully and Rodney quickly cleaned his back, ruthlessly squashing the lustful thoughts that long expanse of skin caused. After a minute he dangled the cloth over John's shoulder, saying, "There, happy now?" in another mock-grumble.

"Thanks," John said. "Hey, if you want to borrow a pair of my boxers, rather than put your old ones back on, they're in the top drawer."

Rodney was a little floored by the ease and casualness of the offer. Yes, sure, they were only talking about a bit of cloth and it's not like anyone else would know, but John would and Rodney liked the fact that he was so unbothered with the thought of Rodney walking around in his clothes. "Thanks, I will," he said quickly, hoping to hide his reaction to the offer.

"Cool. Be out in a few," John said as he started to soap his front.

Rodney beat a hasty retreat before the temptation got too strong. He dried off and moved to the drawer for a pair of boxers. He pulled them on and then donned his tan trousers and blue shirt from the day before, grimacing slightly. Socks and boots were next and then he moved to the desk and took a seat. He pulled the laptop over and felt a shiver of arousal ghost down his spine as he was confronted with the screen full of equations from before; neither of them having had the energy to switch the computer off. He forced himself to shut that page down, instead bringing up the equation that had started it all. He was just about to email it to his own computer when he felt two strong arms slide around his stomach and John's chin rested on his shoulder. It was a comfortable embrace, no pressing need to give in to lust, just enjoying the touch for what it was: Comfort. Rodney realised that it was the first overtly couple-y thing John had initiated. Sure, in the heat of the moment, John was right there escalating their passion as much as Rodney, but he normally relied on Rodney to start everything off with the gentler touches.

He revelled in this feeling of being held, of being safe, something he'd not had from a lover in a long while. He turned his head a little so he could smile at John and enjoyed the warmth in the answering expression. He marvelled at how easily and completely John had applied himself to this relationship. He was a lucky man indeed and he was determined that he wouldn't let any more stupid things come between them.

"You look like you're thinking good thoughts," John said as he saw Rodney's soft smile.

"Mmm. I was just thinking how lucky I am to have gotten you and that you seem to have settled into the idea with no freaking." His expression changed to a more teasing and self-deprecating countenance, "Not so sure I like how you're turning me into a woman, all emotional and talking about my feelings."

John smirked, "Well, honey, if one of us had to be the woman, it certainly wasn't going to be me."

Rodney pulled a few hairs on John's forearm, just above the wristband, where he still had them wrapped around him and grinned evilly at the yelp he received. John's hug loosened enough that Rodney could stand and turn and then he used his weight advantage to force John backwards until he hit the wall. Rodney pressed in close and proceeded to completely own John's mouth, kissing him possessively and hungrily until the need to breath forced him to let go.

He pulled his head back far enough to smirk smugly at John's dazed expression. "Still think I'm the woman?"

All John could do was rock his head back and forth in a barely there shake. His arms had locked tight round Rodney again during the kiss, so when Rodney took a step back, John used him to pull himself away from the wall and upright again, then he flopped his head onto Rodney's shoulder for a moment or two. "Damn," he muttered.

Still smug, Rodney gently extricated himself from John's grip, resting his hands on John's shoulders when the other man swayed slightly. "Oh, I really did a number on you, didn't I? And there weren't even any hands. I am _so_ the man!"

"Yeah, you da man, Rodney," John said, curving one side of his mouth up. He gave Rodney a calculating look that had Rodney's smugness receeding hastily. Rodney watched as John reached out and lightly drew his knuckles up the length of Rodney's clothed erection, making him moan, before saying, "You can't go to work with that."

Rodney stared at him, wondering if John was thinking of trying a blowjob again. Much as he wanted that, he didn't want it to be a rush job before work. He opened his mouth to say so when John started talking again. "You'll probably find that thinking of Kavanagh naked will get rid of your problem pretty quick."

"Ewww," Rodney shrieked. "Oh my god, I really, really didn't need that mental image. Ugh. I hate you. Ack."

John just smiled sweetly; apparently secure in the knowledge that he'd won this round. He leaned in for a quick peck to Rodney's lips and then pulled back before they got themselves all worked up again. "You'd better go; you still need to head back to your quarters and freshen up," he said, with a reluctant expression.

"Yeah. Hey, isn't Carson meant to be taking your last crutch away today?"

"Hopefully, yeah. Depends how the physio goes today. Meet me for lunch?"

"I'll do my best, but I don't know how last night's brainwave will pan out. Don't be offended if I don't turn up." Rodney heard the very slight amount of trepidation in his voice when he said that and hoped John wouldn't get too interested in finding out who had been upset by his dedication in the past. Despite how he kept trying to convince himself that it was their loss, he still didn't want to have to get into a conversation that might highlight one of his many faults.

"Sure. I'm sure Ford and Teyla will keep me company. If I'm feeling particularly generous, I might even visit you with an MRE if I don't see you at lunch."

"So the woman," Rodney teased at John's offer of providing food.

John scowled, "Hey, that really isn't the way to sweet talk the guy offering to keep you from starving to death."

"Oh, I know you won't let me starve, not when you know I'll make it up to you so well later."

"Yeah, okay, maybe. But still…"

Rodney didn't bother to comment, just leant in for a final kiss and then forced himself to leave and head for his own room with a, "See you later," for John.

He quickly removed his old clothes, shaved, washed his teeth and redressed in a fresh outfit, then headed down to the lab to find Radek and see what they could do with his new power distribution equation.

*~*

John got the rest his own morning ablutions out of the way once Rodney left and found he was just in time for his daily meeting with Elizabeth. They used these meetings to discuss any issues in the running of Atlantis, be it missions, personnel, the latest science project, or any current crisis. Some days that was done with quickly and they spent the rest of the time chatting over chess or hearts. Today was mostly a chess day.

After soundly beating Elizabeth twice out of three, John headed out to find Teyla, as he wanted to speak with her before he saw Carson. He tracked her down to their usual sparring room.

"Major Sheppard, it is good to see you," Teyla greeted.

"You too, Teyla," John replied. "Listen, I can't stop long, as I've got to get off to the infirmary for Beckett's torture session, but I wanted to ask you something first."

"I am sure it is not that bad," Teyla said with a smile, continuing with, "but what is it you wished to ask me?"

"I just wondered if you'd mind me joining you- not for our regular sparring," he said hurriedly when he saw Teyla start to frown. "I just thought I could come practice the forms with you. I'm worried that my bad leg is making the rest of me get out of practice."

Teyla gave it a few moments thought and then said, "I think it is an excellent idea, Major Sheppard. As you say, it will not do to allow the rest of your body to become unaccustomed to the sparring moves. And you know you are always welcome," she scolded lightly.

"I know, I just didn't want to hold you back, because I'll have to start out slow. And how many times have I got to tell you to call me John when we're off duty?"

Teyla gave him the slightly demure, but amused, smile that involved a slight lowering and turning away of her chin. "My apologies, John. One day I will remember."

"No problem," John grinned before allowing himself to be pulled into the Athosian forehead-touching. He glanced at his watch and saw it was close to his appointment time. "I'd better get off. Don't want to upset Carson when he's supposed to be taking this last crutch away today. Especially not when I've still got to convince him to let me work out with you again."

"Then, indeed, you must hurry," Teyla teased.

John waved as he left and then made his way to the infirmary, hoping to catch Carson in a good mood. It would seem he was in luck as Carson greeted him with a cheerful, "Morning, lad."

"Morning, Doc," John greeted in turn. He hopped up onto an exam bed that Carson patted, leaning the crutch against the side for, hopefully, the last time.

*~*

Carson pulled the privacy screen so that John could take off his sweats and ran through his various checks. Then he started on the physio itself, manipulating the healing muscles carefully. He was pleased to see that John didn't suffer anywhere near as much pain as he had in their early sessions.

"So, John, have you spoken to Rodney yet?" Carson asked, aware of Radek's advice for John to avoid Rodney, as well as the fact that John had been following said advice for the last few days.

"Yeah, he finally got irritated enough to come find me last night."

"Oh?"

"We talked about it and he seems to have come to his senses. I think I probably owe you some thanks for that." Carson opened his mouth to deny it, but John beat him to it, "Don't give me that look, Doc. I very much doubt you just went about your day while Radek was sorting my head out up in the jumper." He raised an eyebrow.

"Aye, I may have had a few choice words for the idiot," he admitted.

"That's what I thought, so thanks."

A few minutes later Carson stepped back, satisfied with the mornings session. "It all looks good, Major. I'm taking you off crutches entirely, provided you promise to stick to walking only, and not for long periods to start. And the physiotherapy will continue for awhile." He watched John's face scrunch up at that, before it smoothed into a slight pout. 'It's lucky I'm immune to that,' Carson thought, amused.

John sat up, swung his legs over the side and then pulled his sweats back on, pulling them up the last few inches a he slid off the side and onto his feet. Carson waited for whatever plan John had come up with to get out of anymore infirmary visits. He always had one. He wasn't disappointed.

"Listen, Doc, I had an idea earlier--"

"Oh, aye?" Carson raised his brows, pretty much challenging John to give it his best shot.

"Yeah," John didn't appear daunted, "I thought maybe I could start working out with Teyla again--" Carson opened his mouth, but John rushed on quickly, "no, not sparring, or even working hard. I just thought that, now my leg is holding me up, I could join her for the slower form exercises. A lot of the stick fighting relies on muscle memory that you just don't get from normal walking and running and I'm worried that if I leave it too much longer, I'll be back where I started all those months ago. The katas can be done very slowly and they don't involve any actual sparring, or much moving off the same spot actually. It's just easier to do it when I can watch Teyla's moves and you know she'll keep me out of trouble. Plus, it'll free you up from having to do the therapy every day."

Carson was impressed; this was one of John's hare-brained schemes that might actually be a good plan. He wasn't about to give in easily though, the man had to do at least a little bit of work. "I don't know, lad. What will Teyla think about having to keep an eye on you and slow her own exercises down to your current level?"

"I've already asked her and she doesn't mind. Besides, she already has to slow herself down so I have even a hope of keeping up," John said, somewhat chagrined.

Carson's lips twitched at that admission. "Well, if the lass will agree to demonstrate these moves for me, I'll see if it seems workable for you current level of fitness."

John's face lit up into a huge grin, "I'm sure she'll agree to that. Thanks, Carson."

"Don't thank me yet, John," Carson said, but he smiled. About to send John on his way when his comm. activated and a frantic Radek came on.

" _Zelenka to Beckett, there is medical emergency in lab seven._ "

"What's the situation, Radek?"

" _Rodney, Simpson and Kavanagh were working on device, there was explosion and now doors will not open_." Radek told him, his accent thickening in his distress.

John was obviously hearing the conversation as he bolted from the room as soon as Rodney's name was mentioned. Carson knew there wasn't any point in trying to get the man to slow down; his injured leg would take a back seat to the possible injury of Rodney. Carson may even have found it quite sweet if he wasn't the doctor that would have to fix him again. He sighed before asking, "Do you know if anyone is injured?"

 _"Don't know. There is no reply to communications. Whether that is a technical fault or…something worse…I do not know."_

"Right. I'll be down with a team in a few minutes. Do what you can to get the door open. Oh, and Major Sheppard's on his way."

Radek only made a pained noise.

"Aye, that was my thought too. Maybe you can keep him distracted by trying to think the door open?"

" _Is worth try_ ," Radek agreed. Carson just caught Radek greeting John as they signed off. Even taking transporters into account, the man must have sprinted the whole way. Damn him, he'd be lucky if he could even stand tomorrow. Still, Carson couldn't help hoping that would be the worst he had to deal with once they got the door open.

He gathered his team and their equipment and then bolted for the door himself.

*~*

John skidded to a halt just round the corner from where Radek was standing. He needed to pull himself together. It was one thing to rush to the site in concern for a teammate and friend; it was another thing entirely to sprint there in a wild panic. Not the right image for the military head to present. Also, John's leg was cramping- which he knew Carson would make him pay for- and he had to work that loose while he caught his breath. At least he wasn't too out of breath, which meant he hadn't lost that much condition during his down time.

Taking one last breath, John trotted round the corner, unable to hide the limp, but catching the wince in time. He reached Radek and asked, "What have we got?" as he took a quick look round the corridor. Aside from himself and the Czech, there were several scientists and engineers loitering round. The corridor showed no sign of blast damage and the door was neither warped, nor discoloured. It simply wouldn't open.

"Same as before," Radek said, "no contact from anyone trapped inside and no luck opening the door." He indicated the open wall panel and the wires snaking out of it to the laptop on the floor.

Just then, Carson and his team bustled up and the corridor immediately became too crowded. "Keep at it," John told Radek, before turning to the area at large and raising his voice. "Okay, people, anyone who isn't needed here should return to their business. We need some room for the medical team."

Slowly the crowd started to disperse just as Teyla, Ford and Elizabeth jogged up. John met them and Carson to give them Radek's update. "Still no change." A sudden thought hit and he stepped back to Radek's side. "Do we know why the door won't open?"

Radek huffed in a very Rodney-esque show of irritation, "Yes, we know why the door is not open. I am just wasting time pretending not to know how to open it!"

"Hey, easy. I just meant that if it's a mechanical thing like the lock being broken or the other side being warped somehow, we can get an oxyacetylene torch up here and cut through if needs be, but if it's an Atlantis safety measure, like holding back fumes or some such, that probably won't work because of risking another explosion. But maybe you'd be able to bypass the programme and override the door."

Radek took a breath and considered John's words, his earlier irritation fading. "Ano, I see what you mean." He snatched up a scanner and held it towards the recalcitrant door. "I do not detect anything other than air in the room. I'll call for a torch to be sent up as a stand by and I'll check the programming for this lab."

John clapped him encouragingly on the shoulder. "Want me to go think at it?"

"In a little while, once we know what might happen."

John's agitation chose that moment to rear its head again, "Make it quick, Radek, we don't know what's up with our people in there."

*~*

Carson saw Radek bristle at the pointless reminder and stepped in to divert John's attention.

"While we wait, let me look at that leg, lad."

"It's fine, Carson," John dismissed.

"Aye, and that's why you're limping so much is it?" Carson said pointedly, adding an eyebrow and pinning John with his best 'I'm the doctor' glare. John caved- manfully- and allowed Carson to take him a little way down the corridor and into an empty room.

"So, what have you done to yourself, man? I told you to stick to walking," Carson fretted as he tugged on John's sweatpants until John acquiesced and pulled them down to his knees.

"It's just a bit sore, Doc. I'll be fine. And there was no way I wasn't getting down here as quickly as possible. Not with Rodney trapped in there. Hell, I would have run down even if it was only Simpson and Kavanagh in there, and you know it."

"Aye, always got to be in on the rescue, I know," Carson answered as he examined the wound. "Well, good news is that you've not re-opened anything and I don't feel anything nasty deeper in the muscle. You've probably just overtaxed it- physio only helps so much with simulating walking. It'll be stiff and sore, but I'll give you a mild pain reliever. You will, however, be back on that crutch for at least another day until I can be sure you've not damaged anything."

John's face assumed its best puppy-dog pout, not happy with the crutch coming back when he'd only gotten rid of it fifteen minutes ago. He didn't get a chance to complain though, as Carson added, "And none of that pouting, son. I've told you time and again that it doesn't work on me. I appreciate that you were worried about Rodney, but you've still gone against my instructions. Instructions that were for your own good and not just because I felt like giving you orders."

Anything else either of them may have said was interrupted by Radek over the comm. again, "Major, if you could come think at the door now, I believe I may have it."

*~*

"Be right there," John said, tugging up his trousers again and limping back out into the corridor, Carson hot on his heels. "So, where do you want me?" he asked as he reached Radek.

"It seems that there was indeed a failsafe in this lab, as it was a hazardous material research area according to the database. However, the blast has interfered with the circuitry, as I am certain that there is nothing that needs containing. I believe I have the right connections figured out, but it is not listening to them. I hope that if you touch the door and think it open as I enter the codes, it may just be enough. If not, the torch is here."

"Right. Let's give it a go." John stepped up to the door and pressed both hands and his forehead against it. Closing his eyes in concentration, he started to think really hard about the door opening.

He couldn't feel anything happening and was about to say so when Radek said, "Entering codes."

For a few moments, nothing changed, but then John felt a strange…something…on the edge of his consciousness and thought all the more forcefully. It was almost like he could sense each part of the lock disengaging ever so reluctantly. "I think it's working," he said.

He felt the last part give way and hurriedly stepped back a fraction of a second before the door opened, thus saving himself from unceremoniously toppling through the new opening.

He, Radek and Carson were the first into the room. John's eyes swept the entire area, assessing any potential dangers, but the room was mostly empty except for a table with the very charred remains of an ancient device. Some of the shrapnel had hit the wall, but none of it with enough force to embed itself in there and John took that as a good sign.

His assessment had been lightning fast and his eyes almost instantly fell on the three unconscious forms lying on the floor near the table. All three had multiple lacerations from the shrapnel, but to John's untrained eye, none of it seemed serious, just surface wounds. The fact that they were unconscious was more of a worry though and he stepped over to Rodney and carefully lowered himself down.

"Rodney, buddy, can you hear me?" he called. Rodney didn't stir, but Kavanagh did, moaning a little but his eyes still shut.

"How are they, Carson?" Elizabeth asked having stepped inside with Aiden and Teyla after the medical team had entered.

"Well, thankfully, it all seems pretty superficial. Cuts from the flying debris, none of them seem too deep, though we may need a few stitches once everything's cleaned up and I can assess them better. They've probably all got concussions from the blast wave, but again, they don't seem too severe. They'll all be sore for a while, not to mention colourful from all the bruising likely to start appearing soon, but I don't see any problems with their recoveries. I'll take them all back to the infirmary and keep them under observation for the rest of today and see how it looks this evening."

That said, Carson turned away to order his team to get everyone onto gurneys and then they all whisked out towards the transporter. As he reached the door, Carson paused and said, "You too, Major. I want to take a proper look at that leg and reissue that crutch. And I'm not giving you the chance to weasel out of it."

John sighed and limped after Carson muttering, "I really don't know where you get such low opinions about me from, Carson."

*~*

Those left inside the room heard Carson's eloquent snort as the two men entered the transporter and they all grinned, the relief that no one had been seriously hurt making them all slightly giddy. Finally, Elizabeth turned to Radek and said, "I want a full investigation of this room and the device. I'll speak to all three, once Carson deems them fit, and get their account of events as well."

Radek nodded and turned away, activating his comm. to issue the relevant orders. Elizabeth turned to Teyla and Aiden, all of them suddenly becoming aware that they were now in the way of the investigation and not required. Shrugging, Elizabeth led the way down to the infirmary.

*~*

John waited off to the side while the unconscious scientists were placed on beds and swarmed over by the medical teams. He wasn't surprised that Carson kept Rodney for himself. He let the medical talk wash over him, knowing that he wouldn't get all of it and that it was better to wait for the complete version.

Not long after his party arrived, Elizabeth appeared, Ford and Teyla in her wake. "I've got Radek overseeing the investigation and we'll get statements from these three as soon as they're up to it," she informed him.

"Good," was all John managed, too intent on Rodney's health.

Shortly afterwards, Kavanagh moaned again and started waking. It made sense that he'd be the first to awaken as he'd been marginally further away from the device and probably hadn't caught quite as much of the blast.

At the first sign of his stirring, Elizabeth strode over to his bedside. "How is he, Doctor Biro?"

"As you can see, he's suffered multiple small cuts. Luckily none were very deep, probably won't even scar. I've found no other signs of injury other than the expected concussion."

Still, he looked a mess; his face covered in small cuts. They'd been cleaned now, some getting ointment applied and a couple being held shut with butterfly plasters. His eyes opened to tiny slits and he winced them shut again.

"Doctor Kavanagh?" Elizabeth encouraged.

Hearing Elizabeth speaking to the man, John made to head over to his bed himself. He wanted to hear what Kavanagh could tell them about the accident. Unfortunately, his minutes of inactivity had allowed his leg to stiffen up and John only managed a small, stumbling step. He hissed a little as his bad leg caught more of his weight than it wanted.

Before he could gather himself for another attempt, his arm was lifted and Aiden stepped under it to support John's weight. John thought about protesting, but decided it was more important to get there in time for the report, so instead he smiled at Ford. "Thanks," he said simply.

"No problem, sir," was Aiden's cheerful reply as he assisted John over to the lanky scientist's side.

Kavanagh had managed to get his eyes to stay open by the time John arrived and he was eyeing his visitors with a watered down version of his usual contempt. The concussion was obviously dulling his acerbicness. He was listening to Biro telling him his list of injuries.

Once the doctor had finished speaking, Elizabeth asked, "Doctor Kavanagh, can you tell us what happened?"

"It wasn't my fault," Kavanagh said quickly.

Giving a small, exasperated, sigh, Elizabeth said, "No one said it was, Doctor. We simply want the facts of the events leading up to the explosion."

John listened as Kavanagh proceeded to relate how the three of them were running tests on the unknown device when it suddenly suffered an unexpected power spike and exploded. He didn't know anything about why the door wouldn't open as he'd been out cold by then.

The fact that Kavanagh didn't try to blame anyone else made John believe that it really had been an unexpected accident. Kavanagh was the type to quickly lay blame where he thought it belonged, and been even quicker to deflect the blame when it was his own fault. That he did neither was the clincher for John. He expected Simpson and Rodney's recountings would mirror that.

"Thank you, Doctor," Elizabeth said, seemingly reaching the same conclusion as John had. "Get some rest," she added.

The small group left Kavanagh's bedside and met up with Carson, who had finished with Rodney and gotten an update on the other two while Kavanagh had been giving his account. "Now then, your turn, Major," he said.

John refused to move until his 'How are they?' was answered. Beckett sighed in annoyance, but gave in as the quickest way to get John on a bed. "Well, you've seen Kavanagh already. The other two are in slightly worse shape, having been nearer to the device, but neither needed stitches to their lacerations, just a few butterfly plasters. They both have concussions, but not serious and it's just a case of letting them wake up in their own time. I've had bloodwork sent off for analysis, just in case, but Radek assures me that the lab wasn't used for biohazards or chemical research, so I'm not expecting any nasties. Once they've woken, I'll keep them all for a few hours observation, but I don't see any of them needing an overnight stay."

"May we see them?" Teyla asked.

"Aye, you three can," he indicated Ford, Elizabeth and Teyla, "but you are sitting on this bed, right now, Major."

John pouted, but acquiesced, though he did frown at the other three smirking faces as they turned and headed towards the other occupied beds.

Carson once again divested John of his sweats and set about manipulating John's leg. At his hiss, Carson asked, "Stiffened up?"

"Yeah," John admitted.

"It doesn't feel serious. The massive activity made the muscles swell a little, but nothing seems to have been unduly damaged. I'll get you an ice pack to reduce the swelling and get a better look then, but I think it's just a case of being a little extra sore for a day or two and needing the crutch awhile longer."

He grinned at John's glare, patted his uninjured leg and left to get supplies. John pulled his trousers up and waited for Carson to return. As soon as he did, John said, "Can I sit next to Rodney's bed?"

Carson frowned, so John added, "Please? It's not like I'll be walking or anything, just sit there rather than here. The ice pack can go over my pants, so I won't be missing out on treatment. Please, Doc, I want to be there when he wakes up," John all but pleaded, grinning when Carson finally gave in.

The Scot did make a point of handing the crutch over to John, though, before the man slid off the bed. John frowned, but took it and hobbled over to Rodney's bed. Elizabeth, Teyla and Ford were there, the two women having been to see Simpson, but only staying a moment as the woman was still out. Ford fetched a chair for John and he sank into it gratefully, starting slightly when Carson pressed the cold pack to his leg. He wisely didn't complain though, not wanting to make Carson stick him back in bed.

They all stood there for a few minutes, but Rodney remained still and unconscious. Finally Carson said, "There's really nothing for it now but to wait for them to wake up. It shouldn't be long now."

Taking the hint the three mobile people left the infirmary after wishing John a speedy recovery and asking to be notified when someone woke up next. Carson waited until they were alone before asking, "How you doing, lad?"

John understood that Carson was asking about his mental state and not his leg, "Okay, now I know he's not in any danger. But god, that was difficult. It was always worrying when Rodney got hurt before, Teyla and Ford too. But this was so much worse. I just need to sit here for a bit and have a mini freak out before he wakes up."

Carson gave a small snort, patted John on the shoulder and left him to it. John's freak out turned out to mostly involve him staring at Rodney's slack face before he fell into a doze- his body having gotten out of practice with adrenaline rushes just lately, due to his forced inactivity.

He was woken awhile later by Carson's arrival. He blinked and straightened, eyes worriedly taking in the IV Carson was setting up. "Carson?" he asked.

"Nothing to worry about, lad. I'm just not quite sure when he last ate and I don't want him going hypoglycaemic on us just to add to everything. This will keep his blood sugar balanced.

"Now, hop up on the next bed, Major, and I'll have a look at your leg now the swelling's gone down again," he added, removing the now warm ice pack.

"I don't want to leave him," John announced.

"Come on, lad, it's unlikely that he'll wake in the next few minutes- he's not even stirred yet."

John stubbornly remained where he was and they stared at each other in a stand off. Suddenly John stood, surprising Carson, who was probably marvelling at the suddenness of John giving in. But instead of climbing onto the next bed, John pulled Rodney's privacy curtain shut, pulled his sweats down and hopped up onto the space next to Rodney's legs. He stared at Carson defiantly.

Carson opened his mouth, thought better of it and gave a small shake of his head before stepping closer. "You great, stubborn bastard. Between the pair of you, you'll drive me prematurely grey!

He ran his hands over the wound carefully, feeling for any new damage that might be below the surface. He didn't feel anything, thankfully. "Does it still hurt as much?" he asked.

John considered a moment and answered, "Not really. It hurt straight after the running and then when it stiffened up, but it's back to a dull ache now."

"Good. Looks like you got away with that stunt, but you will be on that crutch for at least a day. If for no other reason than to remind you to listen to my instructions!"

Whatever John might have said in return was forgotten when they were interrupted with a groggy, "Mmmm, that's a nice sight to wake up to," as Rodney finally rejoined the land of the living. He accompanied his statement with a hand to John's bare thigh, fingers stroking through the hair slowly.

"Hey, 'bout time you woke up. I'm bored," John said. His words were teasing, but his tone conveyed his utter relief.

*~*

Carson promptly forgot his little battle of wills with John, moving instead to Rodney's side and starting to run checks on him, starting with the always hated penlight in the eyes. "Good to have you back with us, lad. How do you feel? Any aches or pains?" Not that he needed to worry, Rodney would always be happy to tell him about his aches and pains. In detail. It was John he had to wheedle information out of.

Rodney thought about it, obviously running an inventory on himself, his gaze turned inward momentarily. Eventually he decided, "My face hurts and I have a headache." He frowned at the IV that Carson had only just put in the back of his hand, "And I have an IV. God, why do I have an IV? How long was I out? Am I dying? I'm dying aren't I?"

"Easy, Rodney. The only way you're dying right now is if you keep on talking instead of breathing," Carson soothed. "You've been unconscious a few hours and have nothing more life threatening than some cuts and bruises and a mild concussion. I'll give you something to ease the pain a little, but there's no reason you shouldn't be able to return to your quarters after you've rested here for a while. The IV was just to keep your blood sugar level up as I wasn't sure when you last ate."

Rodney absorbed all that for a moment, allowing his lack of mortal injury to filter through the fading panic. Then he focused on Carson again and said, "Simpson and Kavanagh…and why is John sitting on my bed without his pants on? Not that I don't appreciate the view," he added, still rubbing his fingers back and forth through the hair on John's leg.

"Kavanagh woke up a few hours ago and Simpson woke a little later, both suffered minor cuts and a mild concussion like you did. I've kept them both for a few hours observation, but they seem fine and I'll be discharging them shortly. As for this one," he gestured to John, "he heard Radek saying you were trapped in a room that had suffered an explosion and he sprinted the whole way from here. Consequently, he irritated his wound and is now back on the crutch."

Rodney scowled at John. "Idiot," he said, but the tone was one of affection.

"Hey, I didn't know how badly you were hurt, just that Radek couldn't get you out. I had to be there to help if I could," John defended.

"Speaking of which," Carson interrupted, "what do you remember?"

"We were investigating the device, powering it up very slowly, but it suffered an unexpected, and rapid, surge and blew up. We'll need to run an analysis of the wreckage to see if we can determine why it exploded," Rodney said.

"Radek's already doing that," John told him and then gave him the rest of the accident. "We couldn't get the door open straight away for some reason, so Radek's checking that out, too. Looks like it was some sort of failsafe to keep whatever hazardous stuff used to be in the lab confined in emergencies."

At Rodney's concerned look Carson stepped in with, "Don't worry, Rodney, I took blood work from all three of you and it's come back clean. I got the results a few minutes ago. Now, you may want to let go of the major, Rodney, and let him get his trousers on. Elizabeth wanted to be informed as soon as you woke and she'll be coming down for your statement."

"Doesn't mean he has to get dressed," Rodney pouted, obviously enjoying being able to touch John freely.

"Aye, but I didn't think you'd appreciate anyone else seeing what was yours," Carson said with a smirk.

"Hey, I'm not a possession," John protested.

"No, not a possession," Rodney agreed, "but you are mine, so cover up before anyone else sees you and gets ideas."

John, wisely in Carson's opinion, decided not to argue the semantics with Rodney. In truth, he probably didn't particularly want to have to carry on any sort of conversation with Elizabeth while wearing only his boxers anyway. He squeezed Rodney's shin though the sheet and then slid off the bed and pulled his trousers back up while Carson made the call to Elizabeth.

*~*

Several hours later, after Elizabeth had been for his version of events, and Ford, Teyla and Radek had all been and visited, Carson finally released Rodney to his quarters with instructions to rest. John had been at his side the whole time and trailed along behind him as he headed to his room.

Once they were safely inside, Rodney drew John to him, hugging him tight and receiving a careful hug back. "Okay, out with it. You've been hovering much more than normal," Rodney said.

"Well excuse me for being worried," John snapped, stiffening slightly in Rodney's arms.

"Hey, hey," Rodney soothed, starting a gentle rubbing motion up and down John's spine until the man relaxed against him once more.

"Sorry," John murmured, "just don't do that again, okay? You scared the crap out of me and I hated that I couldn't get to you, that I hadn't been there in the first place to protect you."

"You can't protect me all the time," Rodney said, faintly surprised that he was being the reasonable one at the moment.

"But it's my job!" John exclaimed.

"And it's a job you do well. You've kept me safe countless times, John, and you know it. Even you can't expect to protect me when you're not there, and there's no way you can be my shadow every second of the day." John looked like he wanted to say more, so Rodney pre-empted him, "Now come on. I think we both need to rest. It's never a good sign when I'm the voice of reason."

That got an amused snort from John as he allowed himself to be tugged to the bed. He helped Rodney out of his clothes, as Rodney's muscles had started to stiffen up, then he shucked his own clothes, holding onto Rodney for support when he had to step clear of his sweats.

They carefully lowered themselves to the bed, various aches and pains slowing them down, and then shuffled round until Rodney was sprawled mostly on top of John, who wrapped his arms loosely round him. Sighing in contentment, Rodney leaned up for a soft kiss and then said, "God I love you, John. But don't worry, I don't expect you to say it back until you mean it."

"If I mean it," John said, not wanting to give Rodney false hope.

"Oh, you will, if today's demonstration was anything to go by," Rodney said confidently.

John was silent a moment and Rodney thought he'd gone to sleep, but then he mumbled, "Yeah, maybe."

Rodney gave a pleased grin, but didn't push things, just said, "Go to sleep, John." He wasn't awake long enough to see if John obeyed.

*~*

John awoke to find that they hadn't moved during the night and Rodney was still using him as a big pillow. John was fine with that. He started gently running his fingers over Rodney's back and arm and Rodney hummed and tried to somehow snuggle closer still, but didn't wake. 'God, I could have so easily lost this, lost _him_ ,' John thought, his arms tightening round Rodney convulsively.

That did wake Rodney, his bruised body unsurprisingly protesting the sudden vice-like grip. He groggily raised his head and said, "Ow."

John instantly loosened his hold. "God, I'm sorry, Rodney."

"'S okay." Something must have shown on John's face because Rodney focused more intently and asked, "What?" He shifted ever so slightly so he could see John's face better and he cupped John's jaw with one palm.

The shear tenderness of the gesture floored John and he was horrified to feel his eyes well up slightly. He blinked a few times.

"John?" Rodney asked softly.

"I just…you scared me today, Rodney," John admitted.

"Now you know how it feels," Rodney said, looking pleased with the quiet snort from John.

"So you just wanted to get even?" John asked with a watery chuckle. "Just don't do it again," he added.

"I won't if you won't," Rodney countered.

"Okay," John agreed, though both knew there was no way they could keep the promises, not in their line of work. Hell, just _living_ in the Pegasus Galaxy was dangerous. Still, it was the thought that counted, right?

*~*

Rodney leant in to give John a gentle kiss, giving and receiving comfort. Inside he was doing the happy dance. He no longer had to worry about getting John to fall in love with him, not if this emotionally charged wake up was anything to go by. He decided to let John figure it out for himself though, not wanting to push things any more now than he had last night.

Slowly the kiss turned from comfort to desire, the lazy stroking of tongues becoming more forceful. John tugged at Rodney until he was completely on top, between John's open legs. When their groins touched, both men moaned. Rodney couldn't stop his hips from giving a few thrusts, which drew even more delicious sounds from John.

Finally the kiss became too much and Rodney tore his mouth away so he could suck in much needed air. John was also panting, but he found the breath needed to say hoarsely, "Fuck me, Rodney."

Rodney was so shocked that he actually stopped for a moment…stopped completely, not even breathing. His first thought was 'Oh god, thank you, yes, finally,' but that was soon drowned out by misgivings. This wasn't the best way to introduce John to the experience of bottoming; emotions were running too high and they were both fraught with a desperate need to confirm they were still alive. Rodney worried that it would be too frantic for John's first time.

"Stop thinking and do it," John said when Rodney didn't move for a few moments. He punctuated the statement by thrusting up and rubbing their erections together again. The fact that John was so hard convinced Rodney that he was ready. He leant over to the bedside table, both of them hissing in pleasure at the sensations Rodney's shifting caused.

Rodney snatched up the lube before shifting back over John. He dove down for another scorching, tongue-duelling kiss as he snapped the cap open and squeezed some lube onto his fingers. He shifted back onto his knees, took John's hard cock in his unlubed hand and started stroking and squeezing. Once John's eyes had slid shut and his hips were involuntarily thrusting, Rodney pressed one of his lubed fingers to John's hole, running it over and round the tight muscle.

John gasped and tensed, his eyes flying open. "Shh, relax," Rodney said, but John's eyes just got wider and Rodney could see the panic setting in.

"No, I can't, Rodney. I'm sorry, I just can't," John babbled as he shuffled up the bed and away from the hand on his ass.

Rodney drew both hands up in the universal 'I come in peace' fashion and said, "John, calm down. It's okay, we don't have to do that."

But John wasn't in the right frame of mind to listen just then, he just carried on babbling, "I think I'd better go. I'm sorry, I'll see you later." As he spoke he scrambled off the bad, stumbling when his leg tried to buckle. He snatched up his clothes and hurriedly dressed.

"John, wait, please," Rodney pleaded as he watched John haphazardly dragging on his clothes and shoving his sockless feet into his boots.

John didn't say anything, just snatched up the crutch and headed for the door. As he reached it, Rodney tried one last time, "John, wait." It was half plea, half order, and Rodney had a momentary hope that it had worked as John paused, but then the man started forwards again, the door opening for him, and fled the room.

"Fuck!" Rodney yelled as he dropped backwards on the bed and pounded his fists against the mattress. He wanted to damn John for asking to be fucked and then running, but he knew he should have waited until things were calmer. All he could do now was hope that John's freak out wasn't a mortal blow to the relationship.

He stared downwards to his still half hard dick, but decided he didn't deserve to even jerk off right now and ignored it. Instead he dragged himself slowly into the shower and let the warm water ease his muscle aches. He was supposed to take today off, but he knew he'd only dwell on John and decided to head for the lab and do some work on one of his experiments.

That worked for a while, but, unfortunately, Carson came down to find him and drag him to the mess at lunchtime and then forbade Rodney from going back for the rest of the day. And he'd got Radek on his side, primed to contact Carson the moment he set foot in the lab. Carson had seen Rodney's agitation and asked about it, but Rodney hadn't been able to face either the pitying look, or the disapproving one, so he'd not told his friend what the problem was. Instead, he'd holed up in his room and desperately tried to distract himself with what work he could do from his laptop, and later, with the games he had loaded on it. He never quite managed to get his screw up off his mind, though.

*~*

John fled- momentarily lost in the panic of fight or flight- to the nearest balcony. As soon as the doors slid shut behind him he leant back against the wall and slid down, ignoring the twinge in his leg and startling slightly at the clatter of the forgotten crutch falling to the floor. He ended up with his arms resting on his knees and his head hanging in the space between them.

He took several deep breaths and forced his mind to stop racing, to calm down and switch logical thought back on. Eventually he managed to get himself back under control, though logic was still a way off, his mind too filled with scathing insults aimed at his own behaviour.

'Oh, my God! John, you are a complete bastard. How could you do that to him, after nearly losing him, after that emotional moment? Rodney confesses he loves you and what do you do? You lead him on and then shut him down. Worse, you run away! It was your damn idea! God, you'll be lucky if he even talks to you ever again, let alone wants to carry on this so called relationship!'

John wanted to think of a way to fix things, but he was still too angry with himself and could only sit and hurl mental abuse. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but eventually he noticed his watch and saw that he was late for his daily meeting with Elizabeth. "Dammit!" he swore, his first word since he'd run from Rodney.

He reached up to activate his radio, intending to let Elizabeth know that he'd be right there…only to find he'd left it in Rodney's room. "God dammit!" he swore again. He tipped his head back and banged it against the wall a couple of times, then struggled to his feet, hissing in pain and cursing yet again when he had to bend down to retrieve the damnable crutch.

He hobbled as fast as he could to Elizabeth's office, rapping on the frame as he went in. "Sorry, Elizabeth, I lost track of time."

"John, there you are. I've been calling you."

"Yeah, I had to get away and think for a while. Didn't realise I'd left my radio in my room," John said sheepishly.

"Are you alright? Do you want to talk about it?" Elizabeth asked with concern. John didn't usually take himself off unless it was something big he had to think about and Elizabeth was well aware of that fact.

John smiled; faint, but real. "Thanks for the offer, Elizabeth, but I think I need to work this one out on my own."

Elizabeth eyed him for a moment, assessing. She must have recognised the stubborn set to his jaw and realised she'd get nothing more out of him, because she turned the subject to safer ground. "Okay, the offer's there if you change you mind. Now, onto business."

"Thanks, Liz," John said with heartfelt gratitude at her understanding, before forcing himself to get into his military commander headspace and focus on the tasks at hand.

They worked through the ongoing, long-term problems and projects, moved onto the day's missions, scheduled trips to the mainland and requests from various scientists for help/equipment. Finally, they looked ahead to try and get at least a vague plan of what might be needed in the coming weeks.

John did his best, but he couldn't manage to focus his entire attention on the meeting. Elizabeth seemed to know this too, as she didn't try to keep him for their usual post-meeting chat and game. Instead she sent him on his way with, "Go brood some more, but, John, sort it out quickly. I need you fully concentrating once you're cleared for missions again."

"I'm hoping to have it sorted well before then," John told her.

He kept trying to head for a balcony, for peace and quiet to work things out, and kept getting thwarted. First, he had a meeting with Ford, who, as his second in command, was responsible for keeping John up to date on personnel matters regarding the military contingent. Then Bates cornered him and gave him a detailed security report, as well as the week's inventory report.

Next was Teyla, who insisted he accompany her to the mess for lunch. John was wary of going as he was in no way ready to face Rodney, but it was a little early and, thankfully, Rodney wasn't there. Still, he didn't linger. Not only was it more likely that Rodney would appear the longer he sat there, but it was also more likely that his mask would slip and Teyla, perceptive as she was, would want to know what the matter was. He didn't want to talk to Teyla about it anymore than he had Elizabeth.

He finally thought he might have the time he needed, and was making for the nearest balcony, when Carson called him to the infirmary for a check up. Carson deemed his leg to be none the worse for wear, other than the soreness and stiffness that should fade over a few days.

John got the impression that Carson had seen Rodney and knew something was up, but the Scot didn't say anything and John was grateful for small mercies. He really didn't think he could deal with Carson's disapproval, not when he flashed back to the conversation where Carson warned him not to hurt Rodney. He'd certainly broken that promise spectacularly.

*~*

John fled the infirmary as soon as Carson gave him the all clear and Carson watched, bemused. He sighed in exasperation. Every time he thought his two friends had gotten themselves sorted out, one of them said or did something to mess it up. He knew it must be bad this time if neither of them felt able to confide in him and he hoped they could work through it.

He sighed again. There was nothing he could do if they were shutting him out, so he might as well get back to work.

*~*

John finally managed to get his alone time and, having decided that the balconies were jinxed, he headed to the central tower. There was a room there that had been cleared as safe, but contained nothing interesting, so there was no risk of being disturbed.

The room was about three quarters of the way up the tower and had a full length window that gave panoramic views of the east side of the city and surrounding ocean. John moved over to that window and carefully slid down it so that he leant against it with his right side and could see out without getting a crick in his neck.

He spent several minutes once again cursing himself with all the swear words he knew…which was a lot. But finally he wound that down and allowed his brain to sort itself out. He stared out the window, his face blank, his body still, and considered the problem.

Really it all boiled down to one question: What did he want? And the simple, complex answer was Rodney. He wanted Rodney, though he was still a little stunned at that revelation.

'How did that happen?' he thought. 'How did I get from best friend to this?' John had always liked Rodney, enjoyed their verbal sparring, but it had never crossed his mind that it would, _could_ , be anything more than that. It wasn't that he was closed-minded; he didn't care who anyone slept with. Hell, one of his roommates through college had been gay and John had never cared or felt at all threatened by that fact. But he'd never once had romantic, or sexual feelings for another man, had never even checked out another guy's ass in the locker rooms, so how had Rodney gotten under his skin?

Perhaps it was Rodney's sheer force of personality? But no, that made it sound like Rodney had somehow forced him into this and that wasn't fair. Truthfully, Rodney's usual over-confidence and brashness had been remarkably absent. More likely a lot of it was down to Rodney's ability to see _John_.

John had never had a lover that really saw _him_ before. They all believed that the face John presented was the real John Sheppard, and consequently, they were only looking for the kind of casual sex one might expect from a cocky, dumb flyboy. And John never felt they deserved to know the real him because they were so accepting of his act.

Rodney though, Rodney saw through the dumb flyboy image and forced John to be honest. He knew John had a brain and he made John use it, brought him equations to do, explained his latest projects in a way that made John work to understand them. Rodney was so proud of his own brain, his vast intelligence, and it was anathema to him that anyone would want to hide that and pretend to be one of the brainless sheep.

If John was honest with himself, he found it to be a relief that he could drop his shields with someone and simply be himself. And that _had_ to play a big part in things. It was easy to be with Rodney when he didn't have to be on his guard all the time. He trusted Rodney enough that he felt able to be himself, too.

Thinking of trust, he snorted to himself. He trusted Rodney with himself, but still couldn't stop from running away again. Well, that was going to change. He was going to find Rodney right now and apologise…and hope Rodney forgave him and was willing to try to continue their relationship.

Decision made, finally, John hauled himself up and hobbled to the mess. He grabbed a couple of MREs and kept his expression purposeful in the hopes that no one would try to talk to him. It worked and John headed out to the lab only to be told by Radek that Rodney was in his room on Carson's orders. He quickly left the labs and headed for Rodney's quarters instead. He took several deep, calming breaths, trying to squash the fear that Rodney wouldn't want to give him another chance. Finally, mostly calm, he activated the door signal and waited.

*~*

Rodney glared at his door when the signal sounded; tempted to tell whomever it was to go away. If it were important they would call him on his radio. That prompted him to glance at his bedside table, where John's radio still sat from that morning. He'd not quite gotten up the nerve to find John and give it back yet. Which made him think that there was always the possibility that it was John outside his room, come to retrieve the radio.

There was no way Rodney intended to pass up any opportunity to apologise to John and hopefully fix things, even if it was only that he'd come to collect his ear piece. He thought the door open, secure in the knowledge that he could just tell the person to go away if it turned out to be someone other than John.

To his pleasure, and trepidation, it was indeed John on the other side. The man sidled into the room just far enough for the door to shut behind him, but came no closer. Rodney studied him, surprised by the tentativeness and John's wary expression. 'Oh god, is he _scared_ of me?' Rodney thought with some horror. That would certainly explain his hesitance. He'd been about to stand up from his desk, but now he remained seated, worried that it might spook John into running again.

They stared at each other for a few moments more, before both blurting out, "I'm sorry." That caused further staring as they tried to figure out why on Earth the other was apologising when they weren't the one in the wrong.

Finally Rodney's inability to keep silent for long drove him to say, "What are you sorry for? I'm the one who needs to apologise."

"You don't need to apologise, Rodney. I'm the one who led you on, specifically asked you to fuck me and then ran off like a damn coward!"

Rodney was taken aback by the vehemence of John's tone as well as his words. "I don't blame you for running, John. I should never have gone so fast. I knew that I was pushing, knew that the desperation we both felt wasn't a good time for your first time, but I couldn't stop myself."

Again they stared at each other, each processing the idea that the other man didn't hate him and did, in fact, blame himself. Rodney decided it was safe to stand now and did so, stepping nearer to John, but stopping outside his personal space. "It seems we might both have reached the wrong conclusion," he said. He watched the tension drain out of John's shoulders with relief.

"I guess so," John said a little ruefully. He gestured with the MREs, "I brought these as a peace offering."

"You know me so well," Rodney said with a tentative smile.

John smiled back and they both relaxed a bit more, settling on either side of Rodney's desk and tucking in to the food. They remained silent as they ate, but it was a relatively comfortable silence, much punctuated by lingering eye contact. Finally, the meal finished, John started to speak.

"I spent a lot of time thinking today. Thinking about how much of a bastard I am--"

"John," Rodney interrupted in protest.

"No, Rodney, let me say this in one go, please. I need to set it all out without distractions." Rodney nodded, though he looked reluctant.

"Thank you. So, I spent a lot of time thinking, but in the end, I realised that the only question I needed to answer was 'what do I want?' I want you, Rodney-- Ah!" he raised his hand as Rodney opened his mouth to speak, "I'm not finished yet." Rodney subsided once more.

"Good. I want you, Rodney, and that made me think hard about this morning. I so wanted you to fuck me, wanted to feel what you did when I was inside you. You'd looked so, so…enraptured, I guess, and I wanted that. But I was scared. I trust you implicitly, I knew you wouldn't hurt me, but I couldn't overcome the fear and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I ran and left you thinking you'd done wrong. It really was my fault."

Rodney watched him for a few moments, but John said nothing more, so he assumed he could now speak. "John, I don't blame you for being scared. I was scared my first time. I know that you trust me, but this is something basic, primal. How many times have you been told that having anal sex is wrong and dirty? I mean, Christ, you've been in the US military for most of your adult life; an institution that actually _imprisons_ men who sleep with other men. I'm not in the least surprised that you have a hard time getting past all that brainwashing, especially when this is your first experience of it.

"And I don't care what you say. At least some of this morning's problem was down to me. I knew I was moving to quickly, not taking enough time to get you used to it. Desperate 'I'm glad we're alive' sex is wonderful, but it's also intense and fast, and definitely not suitable for a first time. I rushed and you paid for it."

They were silent for a little while, each contemplating the others words. Suddenly John started chuckling. At Rodney's look, he said, "Christ, we're a right pair, Rodney."

Rodney stared for a second more before he started chuckling too. Their laughter intensified until they were both leaning on the desk for support, tears running down their faces. They both sounded a little hysterical as all the pent up fear and frustration poured out. Eventually they calmed, the laughter fading to giggles and then to inane grins. Rodney clutched his arm round his ribs and wheezed, "God, my ribs ache."

After a few more minutes, when they both felt sober once more, John said, "So, shall we try it again?"

Rodney's head snapped up and he stared at John assessingly, before nodding once, decisively, "Yes. But we do it properly this time. I'm fed up with all the freaking out one or other of us keeps doing."

John stared back and nodded. "Well then…" he said, handing proceedings over to Rodney's greater experience and causing Rodney to, once again, marvel at how trusting John was.

Rodney stood and held out his hand to John, tugging him up when he took it. Pulling him close, Rodney leant in close, murmuring, "We do it properly," before taking John's lips in a slow, tender kiss. He kept his eyes open long enough to watch John's slide shut.

Their arms went round each other, hands splaying over shirts, feeling the muscles move underneath. Rodney slid one hand into John's hair so that he could deepen the kiss, though he still kept it soft, lazily exploring John's mouth with his tongue before coaxing John's to reciprocate.

He allowed the fire to build gradually, until they were pressed tight against each other, hands gripping tightly, both of them moaning more and more frequently. Once he felt John reach a half hard state, he slid his hand under the fabric of John's shirt and started touching all the surprisingly smooth skin of his back, before sliding round to the front and its contrast of soft hair. He played with John's nipples, rubbing and pinching, gasping as John's hands wormed under his own shirt and followed his example.

Someone moaned, though it was getting to the stage that Rodney didn't know who had made the sound and he doubted John knew either. The kiss naturally segued into a series of small nips, licks and kisses as Rodney mouthed his way along John's jaw to his ear, stopping to run his tongue round the shell, revelling in the groan it drew from John. John's head fell back and sideways allowing Rodney greater access, which he was quick to take advantage of, sucking and licking the column of his throat, nosing down to his collar bone and sticking his tongue in the hollow of John's throat. John's breath hitched and he clutched at Rodney. Rodney smiled.

He pulled back and John pouted at him. "Too many clothes," he reassured, getting a smile and nod from John. Rodney was stunned to realise that John was really going to let him take complete control when he made no move to undress himself. Rodney felt himself harden further at the trust. He took the hem of John's shirt and drew it over his head, causing his hair to stick up even more in places.

John tugged at Rodney's shirt, but made no move to actually remove it, only gazed imploringly at Rodney until he pulled it off himself. They stepped in close again and resumed their kissing and touching, John's hands moving carefully over Rodney's bruised skin, their hips undulating gently against each other.

Finally, what felt like hours later, John murmured, "Can we take this to the bed? My leg's starting to hurt from all this standing."

"Of course," Rodney said and started to walk John backwards while drawing him into another kiss.

They reached the bedside and Rodney took a moment to remove his pants and socks, having taken his shoes off hours ago. Once he was down to his boxers he dropped to his knees and took John's shoes off. He was eye level with John's hard cock, could see the tent it made of John's trousers. He glanced up at John, who stared down with lust, and leaned in, mouthing and sucking John's erection through the fabric. John cried out and clutched at Rodney's shoulders to keep himself standing. "Rodney," he moaned brokenly and, satisfied, Rodney pulled back and then tugged John's sweats down, helping him step out of them before standing once more.

He eased John down onto his back, grabbed the lube from the drawer and dropped it on the bed, then eased himself down on top of John, letting him feel Rodney's weight press him into the mattress as Rodney resumed kissing him. They both moaned as their erections brushed, even though they were both still wearing their boxers. John's hips thrust up slightly and Rodney ground down in answer, causing further moaning.

Rodney pushed up slightly so he could run one hand over John's torso, fingering his nipples and learning the feel of his body. He shivered as he felt John run his nails lightly down his sides, raising goose bumps. After a few more minutes of kisses and gentle thrusts, Rodney felt John's hand push under the waist of his boxers and start kneading his ass. Groaning, he pushed up, smiling at John's noise of protest, and shoved his boxers down and off.

John made a hungry sound as he stared at Rodney's newly revealed cock, so Rodney gave himself a quick stroke, grinning at John's hitching breath, before moving to divest John of his boxers. John helpfully, eagerly, lifted his hips so that Rodney could remove the offending garment, which he tossed onto the pile on the floor.

He stretched out over John once more and they shared another breath-stealing kiss. John's hands moved to grip Rodney's shoulders and he was dismayed to feel John pushing him away, but that soon faded when John only pushed him far enough that they could see each other's eyes. John's lust filled, hazel eyes were imploring as he said, "I don't want to run. Don't let me run."

Rodney shivered at the trust being handed to him and replied solemnly, "I won't let you run. I won't make you run." John stared at him a moment longer and then his grip relaxed and his eyes half closed. Rodney took that as the signal to dive back in for a searing kiss; really he was fucking John's mouth with his tongue, while his hands roamed all over John's torso with light, teasing touches.

He wanted to give John the best orgasm of his life, pulling out all the stops and using every trick he knew to drive John out of his mind. He judged it to be working when John's formerly active hands simply clutched at his shoulder and waist, flexing slightly and John's started to babble incoherently.

Grinning to himself, he dragged his mouth from John's to kiss, nibble and lick his way down the path his hands had already taken. He paid particular attention to John's pebbled nipples and was rewarded with a hiss of pleasure. He moved on to John's navel, rimming it, before plunging his tongue inside. John cried out and his shoulders arched off the bed, his hand- which had fallen from Rodney's waist when he started to move down John's body- rhythmically clutching at the sheet beside his hip.

He moved down yet again, lipping down the thick vein of John's hard shaft until he reached his testicles. He carefully drew one, then the other, into his mouth, gently sucking and rolling, caressing them with his tongue. "Rod-ney," John cried, his voice breaking and his hand moving from Rodney's shoulder to grip the top of his head, but Rodney kept up his ministrations until John was trembling and reduced to small sobbing moans.

Satisfied, he moved away again, smirking at John's noise of displeasure. Now was the most delicate part of the evening and Rodney was glad of his multi-tasking ability as he mouthed his way back up John's cock while using his left hand to carry on playing with John's balls. He reached the head and swirled his tongue around it as he fumbled his right hand for the lube, awkwardly squeezing some onto his finger, and the bed. He took John's cock into his mouth and began to work up and down, sucking and pressing his tongue to the underside, still fondling the soft sacs with his other hand.

After a minute of that, he cautiously moved his finger towards John's tight hole, while sliding his left up so he could steady John's hips if necessary. Giving a hard suck, he touched his finger to the puckered skin, not pressing yet. John tensed and gasped and Rodney gripped John's hip as he pulled his mouth off the still-hard cock. "Easy," he soothed, locking eyes with John's and seeing the panic below the surface.

He kept up the light pressure, just enough for John to feel his finger, as he started rubbing soothing circles on the soft skin of John's hip with his thumb. "Come on, just relax." John stared at him, but he wasn't running and Rodney took that as an improvement. He carefully leant up to give John a kiss, starting out soothing and building the heat as John started to minutely loosen up. "That's it," he murmured against John's lips.

Sitting back up, Rodney stroked John's nipples, pulling and twisting with his fingers and making John gasp in pleasure. He trailed his fingers down through the soft hair, dipped them briefly into John's belly button and then started to stroke and squeeze up and down John's shaft. It had softened slightly, but Rodney soon had him hard again. He ran his thumb over and around the head, pressing at the tiny slit there and causing John's hips to thrust up. He allowed the slightly greater pressure of John's hips returning to the bed to push his finger inside a little.

John gasped and tensed once more. "Rodney," he pleaded, but Rodney wasn't sure if it was a plea to stop or to carry on and make sure John didn't run. He opted for the latter and set about relaxing John again, the same way he had before.

"That's it, just relax, John," Rodney crooned as he felt John's resistance start to lessen. "God, you're so hot, so gorgeous. You have no idea." John managed to pry one hand from the sheets it had been mangling and clutched at Rodney's arm instead.

"Okay," he gasped and Rodney took that as the sign to carry on. He grinned at John and carefully worked his finger inside, all the while crooning soothing words to John, telling him to relax. Finally John took a deep breath and forced himself to relax as he released it. Rodney felt the tightness ease and his finger slid in fully.

He held still a moment and said, "Okay?" At John's shaky nod, Rodney started to move his finger, turning and twisting, loosening the ring of muscle. He searched for, and found, John's prostate, grinning at the howl of pleasure he forced from John. He used the distraction to work another finger in with the first.

John made a slightly anxious noise, but didn't tense so Rodney once again worked his fingers in the tight hole, and once again found John's gland. This time he attacked the little nub, making John sob and writhe continuously. He pulled away from the prostate and John's body slumped to the bed as he panted for air. Rodney used that as the final distraction and eased a third finger inside.

*~*

This time John did tense a little as it became painful to be so full. He couldn't see how he'd ever be loose enough for Rodney's cock. He felt the panic coming back with his tension, but Rodney obviously sensed it too as he stepped up his ministrations to John's cock and locked eyes with John, who couldn't help but see the love Rodney felt shining out.

He took a deep breath and once again relaxed as he expelled it. Rodney's grin was blinding and John managed a smile in return. Once he'd relaxed, Rodney once again went for his prostate. He swore the man was trying to kill him with pleasure as Rodney kept up the internal massage until John was limp on the bed and his cock was rigid as steel.

Eventually Rodney withdrew his fingers and John actually found that he was disappointed. Rodney's smug smirk proved that he knew it too, but John didn't get time to respond to that as he saw Rodney slick his heavy cock and then the man was leaning over him once more.

He felt his jaw being cupped by Rodney's large hand and met the bright blue gaze. "We can do this the easy way, which is you on your stomach, or we can do it the slightly harder way, but you'll be able to see me."

"I want to see you," John said without hesitation. He was nervous enough as it was, he didn't think he'd be able to go through with it if he couldn't see Rodney's face. Rodney stared at him for a few assessing moments, then nodded.

"Okay, good. You're flexible, so it shouldn't be too hard on you." He moved back and John frowned, surprised until Rodney lifted his thighs onto his broad shoulders and leaned back in, making John's hips tilt up and his legs rest almost against his chest. Rodney grabbed a pillow and shoved it under John, giving him a little more support. "Okay?" he asked.

John nodded, still nervous enough that he couldn't find his voice. Rodney must have known that as he said, "Just relax, it'll be fine. You'll love it, promise."

He started to reply, "Do I get my money back--" but that tailed off into a sharp gasp as he felt pressure against his hole. It was so much more than the fingers had been and he felt his eyes widening in concern.

"Shh," the hand was back on his jaw, thumb playing over his cheekbone. Then it disappeared, only for John to feel the hand wrap around his once again softened cock, pulling, squeezing and twisting it back to hardness and distracting John enough that Rodney was able to start pushing inside.

He cried out. It hurt, a burning, stinging pain. He couldn't do this; there was no way Rodney would fit. He started to panic.

"John…John! Look at me," Rodney said, sharply and John moved his eyes to Rodney's. "That's it, good. Now, you need to relax. I can't move with you like this, it'll hurt even if I pull out. Come on, deep breaths."

John took the ordered breaths, still staring into Rodney's eyes. "Good, that's good. Now, we've come this far and it's really going to get better from now on. Do you want me to stop?"

Did he? John couldn't decide. The burning had lessened, but Rodney still had more to push inside him. Could he do this? He once again saw the love in Rodney's eyes and decided he could do it. Rodney wasn't out to hurt him, had warned of a little pain the first time, and, most importantly, John didn't want to let Rodney down. Sure, Rodney would go along if he called a stop, but could they really have a relationship where John could take Rodney, but wouldn't allow the same in return? The flashback to Rodney's ecstatic expression when he'd been riding John was the final endorsement and John said, "Go for it, Rodney."

Rodney's face transformed as a dazzling smile came over those endearingly crooked lips. John felt his final resistance ebb away at the sight and that allowed Rodney to carefully push in the rest of the way, stilling when he was fully seated. "Okay?" he asked once again.

John nodded and said hoarsely, "Yeah." Rodney didn't move and the pressure inside him built and built until John realised Rodney was waiting for his signal. "God, move," he begged and Rodney grinned as he started to do just that.

It was such a strange sensation to feel the heat and hardness inside him, but the friction was wonderful and John felt himself truly starting to relax. That is until Rodney rubbed against his prostate and John once again tensed up, in pleasure this time, his ass muscles clamping down on Rodney and drawing a hiss from him.

"Again," John muttered and Rodney complied. Again and again he dragged his cock over John's prostate, driving him further and further from any lucid thought. Panic was long forgotten as he rode the ever-increasing waves of sensation. Rodney gradually increased the speed of his thrusts and also started to really work John's dick.

Suddenly, completely without any warning, John's body locked up tight and he came with a broken cry. He came so hard that he passed out, unaware of Rodney's own climax, dragged from him by the fierce contractions of John's internal muscles.

*~*

John came back to himself to find Rodney sitting next to him on the bed, running a warm washcloth over him. He noted that Rodney was already cleaned up and that he looked terribly smug.

"You okay?" Rodney asked.

John assessed himself and said, "A little sore, but it's kinda nice. You?"

"Headache," Rodney said. The very brevity of his answer telling John that he really was hurting, not really surprising with his concussion.

Rodney was simply too ecstatic to dwell on that though it seemed, instead turning the conversation back to their lovemaking. "So, you liked it?"

"It was okay," John drawled.

"Oh please! I made you pass out. I'm a sex god."

"Yeah, that's…never happened before," John admitted, knowing it would inflate Rodney's already healthy ego, but feeling he deserved the truth.

"Sex. God," Rodney said succinctly.

John snorted and said, "You know, your sense of modesty is one of the things I love about you, Rodney."

They both froze and stared at each other for a heartbeat, then Rodney once again brought out the blinding grin.

"I could easily change my mind if you carry on looking so smug," John threatened with a raised brow.

Rodney schooled his face into the worst fake-innocent expression John had ever seen and it made him snort and start to chuckle, which set Rodney off. Pretty soon they were both laughing, hard enough to make their sides hurt and Rodney double over. He clutched at his ribs with one hand and leant across John to prop himself up on the mattress with the other, he also dropped his forehead onto John's chest. John's hands came up to weakly grip Rodney's neck and the arm across his body.

Gradually they subsided, trying to catch their breaths. Rodney whined, "Ow, ow, ow. My head hurts."

John slid his hand from Rodney's neck and into his hair to tenderly stroke his head. "Come up here and let me kiss it better," he said. Rodney quickly complied, rearranging himself so that he was propped up on one arm, leaning over John and stroking his chest hair with his free hand. John used the hand still on Rodney's head to tug him down into a tender kiss. They were still out of breath from their giggling fit, so the kiss was necessarily short, but Rodney simply settled down against John and they stayed there, stroking soothingly.

"I love you," Rodney said eventually.

"I love you, too," John said slowly, surprise and a little awe in his voice.

He'd never once imagined it, but it was true.

END.


End file.
